Svoss36 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 My boyfriend and I dated for 8 months and recently just broke up becasue of alot of fighting that has been taking place. We broke up3 weeks ago but are sti talking and trying to work things out, but I feel like I am not getting anywhere and all we continue to do is fight. We do have done trust issues because we both have lied a few times. How can I get him to trust me again and how can I trust him again? He is also best friends with a girl and I am okay with that, but he told me he wasn't hanging out with her while he was which ruined my trust and now I don't want him talking to that girl. What could I say to him that would make him realize where I am coming from and to stop talking to her for good? Also what can I do to make our relationship go back to the way it was before and to stop all the fighting? Thanks so much
mbee Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Okay, I've been down this road with my now-ex so this comes from my own experience. I did not lie to my ex, but he lied to me a year ago. Similar to your story, we reconciled really quickly, which I now regret. The last year with him was amazing but my ex has an issue with lying. He even admits that SOMETIMES, depends on his mood. If you both have issues with lying then seek couple's therapy immediately. Trust me, it will help. I did not do that with my ex and we were planning to go to our first session a couple of weeks after we broke up. Trust is really hard to re-build. It had been a year since his betrayal until I stopped caring who he was texting, talking to, Facebook messaging. And by the time my trust was growing, he emotionally cheated on me and left me for someone who he THINKS he MIGHT be in love with. When someone has a problem, no amount of love and words will heal it. You both need to seek counseling and work through this together. Find ways to communicate and break down those barriers. It's a long road to walk but it will help. In terms of asking him to stop talking to this girl, I would go to counseling first. I did that with my ex and he did stop talking to her. Sad to say that's one of the dumb reasons he gave me when he ended the relationship with me. Sadly, I had no idea how big of a deal this was to him in the first place. This is not the time for you guys to argue about which girl he should or should not be talking to. Work through the trust, see a counselor and find ways to communicate. When he understands how talking to this girl affects you, then you BOTH can make decisions on how to handle it. Maybe cutting off contact is a bad idea, limiting contact, hanging out with her when you are around. Try to not control it, because this will come back to bite you again. I wish someone had told me this before otherwise maybe me and my ex would still be together. He still loves me deeply and is in love with me, but thinks we have issues with trust, honesty and communication. All things that should have been a priority to work on a year ago when the betrayal occurred. Good luck!
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