Nyla Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) Well, you're saying that everybody on here that has a problem with feminism have the same views. That's simply not the case. Personally, I would have no problem with paying for women on dates and asking them out. I would also have no issue with doing the "heavy lifting" in relationships. But, these days, women are not loyal and are always looking for something bigger and better. So there's no reason to do any of that. I dislike feminism because of what it did to dating, relationships, and marriage in the western culture. I also dislike feminism for its views on and treatment of men. When you say that women are not loyal, are you really saying that every woman is like that? I hope you realize that sweeping generalizations are ridiculous. I stayed with my husband when the recession was very hard on us and the company he worked for shut down. When men hit on me, I turn them down because I am already taken. I appreciate the way my husband treats me with so much respect and chivalry and I treat him like a king too. I have no problem with nurturing my sweet hubby. A lot of women give me a hard time about that, but they are lonely and bitter. I know I can't be the only woman who thinks the way I do. Edited May 17, 2013 by Nyla
ChessPieceFace Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 A lot of women give me a hard time about that, but they are lonely and bitter. Now consider that the guys looking for women will almost never find the good, loyal women because most of them are taken; but instead will be likely to find these lonely, man-hating women who are the ones constantly on the market. Deal with that for a while and then see what your opinion of women is.
RedRobin Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Well, you're saying that everybody on here that has a problem with feminism have the same views. That's simply not the case. Personally, I would have no problem with paying for women on dates and asking them out. I would also have no issue with doing the "heavy lifting" in relationships. But, these days, women are not loyal and are always looking for something bigger and better. So there's no reason to do any of that. I dislike feminism because of what it did to dating, relationships, and marriage in the western culture. I also dislike feminism for its views on and treatment of men. ... says the guy who brags about all the women he's f-ed. You don't come across as particularly loyal at all. You wanna f women ASAP and then hold them to standards you don't hold for yourself. What heavy lifting are you doing? Seriously? I see none. You seem to be enjoying the fruits of 'feminism' just fine. Quit your whining.
KungFuJoe Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 You guys are nuts. I found an amazing, loyal, gorgeous woman when I was 25 and she was 23. We've been together for over 13 years. I'm just a regular looking guy who was poor as dirt...but I'm genuine and nice and quite frankly, I think my personality rules. Seriously, you guys are either meeting the wrong women or your bitter attitudes are driving the good women away and you just don't realize it. And don't say I'm the exception or I got lucky. I have many friends who are happily married or in good relationships with good women. 2
Woggle Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 You guys are nuts. I found an amazing, loyal, gorgeous woman when I was 25 and she was 23. We've been together for over 13 years. I'm just a regular looking guy who was poor as dirt...but I'm genuine and nice and quite frankly, I think my personality rules. Seriously, you guys are either meeting the wrong women or your bitter attitudes are driving the good women away and you just don't realize it. And don't say I'm the exception or I got lucky. I have many friends who are happily married or in good relationships with good women. I am happily married as well but when you look at all the walkaway wives can you blame a man for being afraid to commit? Men have good reason for being cautious about commitment. 2
KungFuJoe Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I am happily married as well but when you look at all the walkaway wives can you blame a man for being afraid to commit? Men have good reason for being cautious about commitment. Walkaway wives? What's that? Everyone has reason to be cautious about commitment. Not just men. I find it laughable that people want to point the finger at either sex. There are scum and gems among people...not men or women. People. Probably the biggest mistake people make on this site is isolating a specific trend or characteristic to either men or women. 4
serial muse Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Everyone has reason to be cautious about commitment. Not just men. I find it laughable that people want to point the finger at either sex. There are scum and gems among people...not men or women. People. Probably the biggest mistake people make on this site is isolating a specific trend or characteristic to either men or women. Exactly. OP, seems like you're already arriving at this conclusion, but I just want to reiterate that you really should NOT say what you wrote in your title. There's a world of difference between "I've had some difficult experiences in the past, so I'm feeling cautious and want to take things slow" (which is universally relatable and inspires empathy) and "I don't trust women". The latter is a huge giant waving red flag, and that's the truth. What many people on LS seem to find so difficult is the idea that their experiences are personal, and that, as KungFu said, there are scum and gems among people. It's really easy and convenient to demonize the "other" and to generate hypotheses about why those "others" are awful as a group, because it creates distance from fears of personal rejection and trumped-up pile-on anger gives a sense of power when you're feeling scared. But that doesn't make those theories any more accurate at the end of the day. It's just a tactic for dealing with fear. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) Well it's ok to be a commitmentphobe. I'm a commitmentphile. Heck, I'm ready to commit on the first date or even first hello if need be (though that never happens, FYI). It takes all types to make it in this world. Just go with the flow and see what happens. For the record, I also don't trust women. But, that doesn't stop me from wanting to commit to the first one I can... Edited May 17, 2013 by fortyninethousand322
Nyla Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Now consider that the guys looking for women will almost never find the good, loyal women because most of them are taken; but instead will be likely to find these lonely, man-hating women who are the ones constantly on the market. Deal with that for a while and then see what your opinion of women is. Every good and loyal woman was single once. I became lonely and bitter after I met men who did not treat me well. My husband's love helped me access my sweet and kind nature again. Even though some men were cruel to me, I never let it color my perceptions about all men. That would be stupid and untrue, just like painting all women with the same brush is.
Nyla Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I am happily married as well but when you look at all the walkaway wives can you blame a man for being afraid to commit? Men have good reason for being cautious about commitment. What about all the men who drop their loyal wives for much younger women? 1
Woggle Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 What about all the men who drop their loyal wives for much younger women? That too. I don't see how people can blame anybody of either gender for being cynical about marriage these days. I believe in marriage but people need to do a much better job making the case for it.
Ladydrib Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Is there any nice way to broach this topic? We've been dating for some months and I like her a lot, the problem is she wants to move in together and get more 'official'. I also know she wants to get married and have kids eventually which I'd love to do, the problem is I've never really had a decent relationship like this with a girl before (I'm 31). All my previous relationships were bad, ranging from funny-story bad to terrifying. Is there a nice female-talk way of bringing this up that won't make me look like some kind of weirdo or wimp in her eyes? Are you sure it's her that you don't trust and not yourself? I've always been on the commitment phobic side and looking back, trying to make sense of all the messes I've made, I tend to think I was being commitment phobic because I wasn't where I wanted to be. I was afraid to commit because even though the relationship appeared to have all the makings of a good relationship, I just wasn't connecting and couldn't tell because he was such a good guy. I'd work hard to try and answer why you are commitment phobic before you talk to your girlfriend. Understanding why you are scared will guide you in the right direction and help you make good decisions.
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