Why is he doing this to me?

[LadyAnglerTx]

Nick and I met in 2003. We knew each other prior as he was friends with my late husband who passed in 1992. We both have sons the same age. We started dating in 2003 - he rushed into things quicker than I wanted, we ended up getting married in 2004 and divorced in 2004. Our boys couldn't handle the who thing - they were both elementary school age at the time. My son had a really hard time because we were going to move in to his house and my son and his son did not like each other. Nick didn't support me or my son - he just expected us to make it work.

 

I divorced after only 4 mos. of marriage - it was just too stressful on everyone. After the divorce/split we continued to see each other up until recently. We dated, broke up, dated, broke up - all thru these past 10 years with the last 3 years not even having any contact at all. Then we started emailing back and forth. Just "hey how are you", etc.

 

I didn't think anything of it because our last break up I initiated to start seeing someone else. I got tired of the games. So now, three years later he wants to meet up for dinner. He is 55 and I am 50. I have been having a hard time meeting anyone lately so I started reminiscing about how we both loved the same things (hunting, fishing, outdoors). He texted me saying he wanted to take me fishing, let's go to dinner, etc.

 

So we went to dinner/happy hour a few months ago - his invitation. We met up and he suddenly got cold and aloof. We ended dinner and I was mad because I didn't know why he bothered if he was angry at me. So time passed and up pops a text at Easter saying "Happy Easter". I had deleted his number from my phone so I was like "Who is this?"....

 

Then...last week he texts me Friday morning wanting to go to dinner Saturday night. I agreed, we met at our old favorite restaurant, had drinks and dinner and had a good time talking. I told him I still loved him and never stopped thinking about him, that my last relationship didn't work out and I missed him and the interests we shared, etc. I even gave him a card saying "Everything we've been thru - I still love you and have kept you in my heart". He smiled and reached over to hold my hand and after dinner he asked me to his house to talk some more and show me his Corvette he just bought. I think the whole reason of going over there was to show off that car to me. But I go there being hopeful. We sat and talked about a lot of stuff, then about an hour later I said I needed to head home. As we were walking out he grabs me and kisses me - Passionately. Then he kept getting heavier and I stopped it and said I needed to go. I wasn't about to jump into that so quicky. When I got home I texted him saying thanks for dinner, had a great time... he replied with a short "good nite".

 

Ok so then - no word from him. A few days later I decide to text him asking him how his day was going. He responded back but the text was short and to the point. Weird.

 

So today, it being Friday, I decided to text him asking him if he wanted to get together again this weekend since he paid for the last two dinners I would reciprocate. I needed to know what was going on.

 

He texts me back saying "Happy Friday, I can't this weekend but let's get together soon". I replied "No worries take care".

 

I knew something was weird and texted him again asking "So what was the purpose of you asking me to dinner, then going to your house and kissing me before I left?".

 

His response was "Hoping something was still there but I think over the years too much has done and said".

 

I felt crushed. Did he do all this just to get back at me for breaking up with him over 3 years ago? I was actually hoping we could get back together and have a relationship since our boys are grown and we could have a lot of fun doing the things we both love to do.

 

If he wasn't attracted to me anymore why the big makeout session?

 

I'm going thru a really rough time right now being unemployed (he doesn't know that) and he was my light of hope these past few weeks. I really let my guard down and told him I still had feelings and never stopped loving him so now I feel like a fool. He always pursued me in the past and the one time I decide that we are both over 50 and maybe we can make it work....... he pulls a fast one on me like this.

 

My reply to his last text I said "If u are still living in the past and carrying grudges then dont play games - Ive moved forward from all of that and I am very happy now. I will date others if you are not serious and still have issues. Sorry to hear this, I was hoping all that was behind us. Best of luck to you Nick".

 

WTH? Was this all just to get back at me for the past? I am not only dealing with job loss right now but he just drove the stake thru my heart. I do have a new job starting in a week so I'm ok but I have had the worst bout of depression and aniexty over all of this! I'm a strong girl and I always have a positive attitude but sheez - why did I get my hopes up only to be crushed? I actually was thinking we'd make it work and could possibly remarry.

 

Wow - I was delusional I guess....... my head is still spinning. After my last text he didnt respond. I won't send him anymore texts.

 

And it was weird because he was saying how he dated a couple of girls who did not work out. He called one a stalker and the other a psycho. I guess he's calling me names now.

 

I'm just broken hearted because I'm 50 friggin years old and it's slim pickens in the dating world out there. I'm sick of being alone and lonely and the job situation has already taken a heavy toll on me.

 

I'm defeated, my self esteem has taken a beating, I'm sad. Can someone please explain why he did this to me?

[LadyAnglerTx]

Bumping my own thread - can anyone give their two cents on this?

[aisuru]

Don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like he kind of hoped there was something still there as well. Remember that thought instead of feeling like he played with you. I don't think it was intentional on your part.

 

He kissed you to see if you still lit his fire. Men operate a little differently then us.

 

Pick yourself up, love yourself, prepare for the new job, and hold your head high. You took a risk and shared your feelings. You should be proud of yourself for that.

[LadyAnglerTx]

I'm really in a lot of pain... he rejected me and I'm dying. Why is it when they reject you you want them that much more and start thinking like a crazy obsessed person? I do not get it.

 

I broke up with him 3 years ago and all this time we were apart and I didn't think of him too much. I accepted the break up but did secretly wish that if he ever contacted me again we would get back together.

 

So then he contacts me, I get my hopes up and then he rips my heart out and slams it against a wall. Is he that evil to want to hurt me after all this time?

 

We both are in our 50's for chrissakes - we spent the last 10 years breaking up and getting back together. I learned that it's hard to find someone with similar interests much less someone my age who is single and lives near me.

 

He claims he's had two relationships since me - one ended badly and the other was someone who stalked him.

 

When we went to dinner this last time a few weeks ago - I was very attracted to him but didn't show it. Just told him I still loved him and missed him.

 

He didn't say anything in return but he sure did grab me and kiss me passionately before I left his house after that date. Then to just say he thinks too much has been done and said over the years?

 

I'm angry, hurt, confused, upset, I want him back, I'm obsessed, I need answers....... how am I supposed to continue with N/C when I am in such a volatile state of mind?

 

I want to call or email him and get it all off my chest. But then if he rejects me again - I might be suicidal (just kidding - I'd never do that). I am feeling pretty desperate and don't trust myself right now.

 

N/C or just let it all out one last time? UGH!!! why did he do this to me? Why did I let him do this to me? I need your help people!

[Zahara]

You both have been on this rollercoaster for far too long. You keep engaging hoping to that this time around it will be different. The fact is, he couldn't solidify a commitment then, neither can he do it now. He keeps being cold and you keep chasing, trying to make him come your way. Men don't find women that do that interesting or worth their effort.

 

Makeout sesssion? Well, you said you still loved him and he gave you nothing back. What does that tell you? He can have a big makeout session with you but it does not mean anything more to him but just, a makeout session. You're reading way too much into a passionate kiss. Men can have sex with you, because it's just sex. Women associate the physical with feelings. Most men, don't. That goes for a makeout session as well. And how easy to get it that attention from someone who's so enamoured by him. That's all it was, a makeout session. He got pissy after that because he didn't get sex. Simple.

 

NC with this man, forever. You can't make him become what you hope for him to be. He's displayed inconsistent behavior for so many years. He's 55. Stuck in their ways. His coldness and aloofness that first meeting after three years should have been a smack to run the other way.

 

He didn't do anything to you. You did it to you.

Edited May 13, 2013 by Zahara

[LadyAnglerTx]

NC forever from this day forward -- oh yes. Thank god I didn't have sex with him or I would have felt 100 times worse. I found out today the d****bag (no the word is not dirtbag) has been seeing someone and he spent all weekend with her. So there. I found out. I can close this chapter.

 

All this heartbreak for nothing. I wasted the last couple of weeks pining over this a**clown. I was totally played. The only reason he asked me to dinner was to get back at me for breaking up with him 3 years ago. I knew it but like a fool - was caught at a bad time in my life and walked right into his trap.

 

I'm burning all his photos.