Jump to content

Still think about my ex, even though our relationship was short.

Nicoleiia

By Nicoleiia
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

  • Author
Nicoleiia Established Member

Nicoleiia

Posted
  • Author
Posted

My ex had the nerve to say " maybe in the future we could be together, but just not now.." What does that mean? I don't want her, but secretly I want her new relationship to fall apart. I hope it does.

WhatamIdoingwrong Member

WhatamIdoingwrong

Posted
Posted

I honestly dont know what that means mate. Im sorry. Is it just breadcrumbs, to make them seem less of the bad guy, and to ease their own guilt for lying?

 

Mine said things like "I dont deserve your love" and " Im sorry, I want to love you but cant". Its all stuff that just keeps repeating over and over in my head, and every time I think I am moving forward, I suddenly get a rush of thoughts/conversations we had, and I end up wallowing again. I know the science behind it, I know its all chemicals and processes, and the heart doesnt actually feel, but that doesnt make it easier right now.

CelticGibson Established Member

CelticGibson

Posted
Posted

"maybe in the future we could be together, but just not now", "I'm sorry, I want to love you but can't" and "I don't deserve your love" are all excuses to let you down gently.

 

They have made up their mind that they don't want you but they don't want to be the bad guy and say it straight to your face. Break ups are hard enough as it is without making a drama out of it so they do this to minimise the drama that they think may ensue when you react negatively.

 

Believe it, when they say these things, that it's over and you are out. Second guessing is just reading between the lines and not reading the actual message behind these statements...

WhatamIdoingwrong Member

WhatamIdoingwrong

Posted
Posted

Thanks Celtic, you are right im sure, and its a bloody bitter pill to swallow. Promises of a future, plans, wedding talk, meeting each others familes, all lies. OUCH.

  • Author
Nicoleiia Established Member

Nicoleiia

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Thanks Celtic, you are right im sure, and its a bloody bitter pill to swallow. Promises of a future, plans, wedding talk, meeting each others familes, all lies. OUCH.

 

All lies..and what's funny is, she wanted ME! She asked ME out in the beginning saying how she had a crush on me. Wtf did I do to make her not like me anymore??? I hate her now. I look on facebook and see her and her new squeeze in all these cheesy photos, flaunting their love 4 eachother...im soooo pissed. And then, when we broke up, she was still trying to sleep with me, saying if we spent time together MAYBE she would change her mind. She's a real piece of work. And piece of sh*t. Lol.

WhatamIdoingwrong Member

WhatamIdoingwrong

Posted
Posted
All lies..and what's funny is, she wanted ME! She asked ME out in the beginning saying how she had a crush on me. Wtf did I do to make her not like me anymore??? I hate her now. I look on facebook and see her and her new squeeze in all these cheesy photos, flaunting their love 4 eachother...im soooo pissed. And then, when we broke up, she was still trying to sleep with me, saying if we spent time together MAYBE she would change her mind. She's a real piece of work. And piece of sh*t. Lol.

 

Wow, thats awful!

 

This is why I dont have fb any more, its unhealthy and I know id be stalking.

 

Same again, she approached me, she asked ME back to hers, she contacted ME after our first date, she asked ME to meet her family. In a sick way though, I still really find her attractive, and almost wish she would ask me for breakup sex.....man I miss our sexlife, it was incredible :(

  • Author
Nicoleiia Established Member

Nicoleiia

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Its natural to still be attracted to them. That is partly why we were with them, but all the shananigans she pulled made me not even want to touch her after she dumped me..it was just TOO much. I don't have a facebook either for the reason of stalking, but last week a friend of mine was looking at her facebook page, so I asked if I could use her account and snoop. Lol. I really shouldn't have done that, cuz I now im all messed up. I just miss her. I want her to come crawling back so I can reject her. It would make me feel SO much better.

  • Like 1
WhatamIdoingwrong Member

WhatamIdoingwrong

Posted
Posted
I just miss her. I want her to come crawling back so I can reject her. It would make me feel SO much better.

 

Same, I would lover for her to call me and say "darling, im so sorry, I fKed up" A, because I want to hear her voice, but B, so I could say "yes, you really did".

 

Siggh, the first weekend draws to a close, and I really do miss her....

  • Author
Nicoleiia Established Member

Nicoleiia

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Same, I would lover for her to call me and say "darling, im so sorry, I fKed up" A, because I want to hear her voice, but B, so I could say "yes, you really did".

 

Siggh, the first weekend draws to a close, and I really do miss her....

I hate to say this, but it might take some time to get over her. Its taking me YEARS literally to get over this. I have no idea why, but just hang in there and keep yourself busy. Maybe try dating. Even though it took me atleast 3 months to even think about going out and dating. I feel so sorry for all of us who have to go through this but I guess thats life!

WhatamIdoingwrong Member

WhatamIdoingwrong

Posted
Posted
I hate to say this, but it might take some time to get over her. Its taking me YEARS literally to get over this. I have no idea why, but just hang in there and keep yourself busy. Maybe try dating. Even though it took me atleast 3 months to even think about going out and dating. I feel so sorry for all of us who have to go through this but I guess thats life!

 

Not for everyone though! I have friends and family who have met someone and literally settled down with them. I envy them so much!!!!

siankat Established Member

siankat

Posted
Posted
Wow, Straylightrun, great post (Well, not great, but you know what I mean). Its really insightful and you have had some great advice, and have made me think of lots of things.

 

My ex was telling me she loved me right up to and including the night she left me. We were out with friends and she was all over me, really horny etc, and we got home and she dropped the bombshell. Not the "screwing" I imagined....ha.....

 

She said she wanted to love me but couldnt/didnt. She had lied for half of our 2 months together, to try and make it work. WTF?!

 

Also, she has had a string of pretty bad relationships in the past, and 1 in particular that lasted years and was very destructive. She said she could see similarities forming in our relationship, even though I was Mr Nice guy, all the time. She mentioned co-dependancy, but this is something I dont know about, could anybody put it in context for me?

 

Thanks

 

Co-dependency is where one person has issues - usually very self involved and selfish, narcissistic etc and the other person, the dependent one, mollifies, 'fixes', and serves the needs of the other. Kind of abuser and abused. Taker and giver. There is no balance of power or equality within the relationship. one needs the other to survive in that state

WhatamIdoingwrong Member

WhatamIdoingwrong

Posted
Posted
Co-dependency is where one person has issues - usually very self involved and selfish, narcissistic etc and the other person, the dependent one, mollifies, 'fixes', and serves the needs of the other. Kind of abuser and abused. Taker and giver. There is no balance of power or equality within the relationship. one needs the other to survive in that state

 

Thanks, that puzzles me even more to be honest! I know she had a rough time in the past with someone like that, and he NEEDED her as a carer almost, but I honestly dont think im like that?! Jeez.....if I am...I really need to sort it now!!!:(

  • Author
Nicoleiia Established Member

Nicoleiia

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Co-dependency is where one person has issues - usually very self involved and selfish, narcissistic etc and the other person, the dependent one, mollifies, 'fixes', and serves the needs of the other. Kind of abuser and abused. Taker and giver. There is no balance of power or equality within the relationship. one needs the other to survive in that state

 

My relationship with my ex was not balanced. Im pretty sure I was the "taker", but still. I do not know if that has anything to do with why I was dumped. Im tired of going over this in my head. I just want her new relationship to crash and burn and for me to move on and forget all about her. I feel so guilty talking about this on LS and im in a relationship...im so lost right now..

WhatamIdoingwrong Member

WhatamIdoingwrong

Posted
Posted

Why do you feel guilty?

  • Author
Nicoleiia Established Member

Nicoleiia

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Why do you feel guilty?

 

Ummm, yea and no. I don't feel too guilty because im trying to fix my problem. Im not coming on here trying to figure out how to get her back. No one is perfect. The person I am with now knows I have unresolved issues that I am working out. Atleast I am being honest with them. I am more embarassed about how long its taking me to get over her. WhatamIdoingwrong, I know how you feel...you will get through this...you will find someone who loves you for you and isn't some shady person who lies unnecessarily...I am in a relationship that I thought I would never get..so things will look up for all of us..

  • Like 1
siankat Established Member

siankat

Posted
Posted
Thanks, that puzzles me even more to be honest! I know she had a rough time in the past with someone like that, and he NEEDED her as a carer almost, but I honestly dont think im like that?! Jeez.....if I am...I really need to sort it now!!!:(

 

 

Thats just what she said...doesnt mean its true

Ppl sometimes read something somewhere, dont fully grasp it but latch on to the idea and use it to describe their/a situation.

 

For example; My friend used to say to her little sister when she was being naught 'Don't patrionise me collette!' :)

  • Like 1
happydate Established Member

happydate

Posted
Posted
I dated a girl in 2011 and we dated for about 3 months and then she broke up with me. And til this day I still think about her and I can't stop.. HELP!!

 

I'm in a new relationship and it is going well, but I can't stop thinking about how great she was. I recently looked her up on facebook and i see shes in a new relationship and I feel terrible. I don't know how to forget her. I've been NC since we broke up and that was January of last year. I feel like NC didn't help me heal at all?????

 

I can relate to you on this as I just recently got dumped. Mine was 6 months old; but then I used stalling tactics to squeeze more time with her when I knew I was already getting dumped in the first 2 months!

 

First and foremost, STOP BEING a victim! It's not your fault and not your own doing. Stop blaming yourself as being the taker either. She took something from you too -- your heart and pounded it with a 100 pound sledgehammer. But then she doesn't date with a heart either! You really have no control over this. If she is relationship material, she wouldn't be so readily available on the dating market as there are LOTS of single guys out looking too!

 

The problem with most women today is that, they are dating with their heart shut down, because they just got burned by many failed relationship for so many times so they turned themselves into using logic and shut their heart down sometimes for good. The 60 days or 90 days probation period or some kind of head games rather than using the heart.

 

How do you heal yourself.

 

First.. LOVE THYSELF. Love yourself. Stand up in front of the mirror everyday and say with affirmation that you always love yourself and that those women who dumped you lost a great guy! Say until you feel better and more confident.

 

Second. Write down your anger, frustration and resentment about her on a piece of paper. Then drive out to a secluded area where there is no one to be seen and then.

 

Express your anger by yelling out loud 100%

Express your frustration by yelling out loud 100%

Express your resentment by yelling out loud 100%

 

Do this until you feel really good. Do this for a few months if it takes that long. Just make sure when you do this where there is no one around or someone might call 911 because you're nuts. :laugh:

 

Do not repress your emotions alright! Healing requires all emotions be cleared. Emotions stand for Energy in Motion (emotions) and any blockage of that can present problems in dating your future women.

 

What you have dated was a woman who had not healed completely. Most women on the market today suffer from some sort emotional trauma from past date blunders and had not healed completely.

 

If letting out your emotional pain isn't working right, then you might need to consider seeing a person who does Emotional Freedom Technique (known as E.F.T) and hypnotherapy which can help rid completely anger, shyness and being a nice guy syndrome etc... That's a last resort if everything else does not pan out.

 

I feel your pain and you should be able to rebound, heal and forget this really quick like a dog. At least for me and for most guys who's been dumped by these type of girls. :D

  • Like 1
  • Author
Nicoleiia Established Member

Nicoleiia

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I can relate to you on this as I just recently got dumped. Mine was 6 months old; but then I used stalling tactics to squeeze more time with her when I knew I was already getting dumped in the first 2 months!

 

First and foremost, STOP BEING a victim! It's not your fault and not your own doing. Stop blaming yourself as being the taker either. She took something from you too -- your heart and pounded it with a 100 pound sledgehammer. But then she doesn't date with a heart either! You really have no control over this. If she is relationship material, she wouldn't be so readily available on the dating market as there are LOTS of single guys out looking too!

 

The problem with most women today is that, they are dating with their heart shut down, because they just got burned by many failed relationship for so many times so they turned themselves into using logic and shut their heart down sometimes for good. The 60 days or 90 days probation period or some kind of head games rather than using the heart.

 

How do you heal yourself.

 

First.. LOVE THYSELF. Love yourself. Stand up in front of the mirror everyday and say with affirmation that you always love yourself and that those women who dumped you lost a great guy! Say until you feel better and more confident.

 

Second. Write down your anger, frustration and resentment about her on a piece of paper. Then drive out to a secluded area where there is no one to be seen and then.

 

Express your anger by yelling out loud 100%

Express your frustration by yelling out loud 100%

Express your resentment by yelling out loud 100%

 

Do this until you feel really good. Do this for a few months if it takes that long. Just make sure when you do this where there is no one around or someone might call 911 because you're nuts. :laugh:

 

Do not repress your emotions alright! Healing requires all emotions be cleared. Emotions stand for Energy in Motion (emotions) and any blockage of that can present problems in dating your future women.

 

What you have dated was a woman who had not healed completely. Most women on the market today suffer from some sort emotional trauma from past date blunders and had not healed completely.

 

If letting out your emotional pain isn't working right, then you might need to consider seeing a person who does Emotional Freedom Technique (known as E.F.T) and hypnotherapy which can help rid completely anger, shyness and being a nice guy syndrome etc... That's a last resort if everything else does not pan out.

 

I feel your pain and you should be able to rebound, heal and forget this really quick like a dog. At least for me and for most guys who's been dumped by these type of girls. :D

 

I really liked this post..I will actually do the exercises you said to do because I am willing to try ALL methods for getting over this girl. Lol what makes this situation more unique is that I'm a female and I dated another female for the first time and fell in love..I am currently dating a man now, and he's great..Most of you thought I was male, but im not. But I agree that most women are emotionally scarred from previous relationships, myself included. But whether male or female, getting over these short relationships is a real task and its gonna take a lot of effort to heal from this trauma.

happydate Established Member

happydate

Posted
Posted
I really liked this post..I will actually do the exercises you said to do because I am willing to try ALL methods for getting over this girl. Lol what makes this situation more unique is that I'm a female and I dated another female for the first time and fell in love..I am currently dating a man now, and he's great..Most of you thought I was male, but im not. But I agree that most women are emotionally scarred from previous relationships, myself included. But whether male or female, getting over these short relationships is a real task and its gonna take a lot of effort to heal from this trauma.

 

No worries. This method works on both women and men. It is genderless which is a beauty. However, I was suspecting that you are a woman because a woman suffer from oneitis (being attached to a former lover) more so than a man does (I am that I am :laugh:). When I went for EFT and hypnotherapy, most patients were female and I felt embarrassed seeking help from a gorgeous yet fun loving woman who had an exactly same experience as you did. She helped me a lot and so now I'm dating better woman and having loads of fun with it! And you can too!! Express it out like a bi*ch. :laugh:

  • Like 1
  • Author
Nicoleiia Established Member

Nicoleiia

Posted
  • Author
Posted
No worries. This method works on both women and men. It is genderless which is a beauty. However, I was suspecting that you are a woman because a woman suffer from oneitis (being attached to a former lover) more so than a man does (I am that I am :laugh:). When I went for EFT and hypnotherapy, most patients were female and I felt embarrassed seeking help from a gorgeous yet fun loving woman who had an exactly same experience as you did. She helped me a lot and so now I'm dating better woman and having loads of fun with it! And you can too!! Express it out like a bi*ch. :laugh:

 

That is fantastic! Its refreshing to know that there are "treatments" out there to get our heads back in working order. Before I met my ex, I had never thought of dating another woman,EVER! But somehow, she swept me off my feet. I know for a fact im probably not over her because she treated me 1000% better than all the guys I've dated. And you're right, I think I am suffering from oneitis..lol..I love LS because it introduces you to people (like yourself) who offer help and give much needed advice to people like me who are drowning with sorrow on account of our exes.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...