Littlemeiow Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 (edited) Here my story - I'm looking for help and advice!! To give you a little back ground on me - I meet me partner when I was 11 we got together when we where 18. At 19 we has to move 100s of miles away from my family for his work. We got into lots of debt that was all in his name (as I was studying when we moved - had to drop out due to the move). Once we had moved I became depressed and isolated. I had to take up multiple cleaning jobs to support us. He hated me making contact with my family or spending time away from him. Because of all of those things and the fact that money was incredible tight I didn't really get to have or make friends. I gave up everything for him. But we loved each other me built a life around each other. He is the only man I have ever loved and the only man I have even been with. 3 weeks ago my partner of 9 years sat me down out of the blue and told me he was no longer in love with me. It scared the hell out if me but he said we could work on things and maybe sort it out but it would not be easy etc etc. During the weekend of this he popped out a few time to see a girl he was friends with from work. Said he wanted to get a women's perspective etc. I was very aware that I dint want to smoother him and I trusted him so I didn't ask him not to. Well he came back from one of these meetings with her cold and upset. He explained that over the last few years when ever he had an issue with me he had spoken to her to get her advice. Her advice was not to speak to me but to alter his behaviour in the hope it would change the way I act. She had now told him that she loved him, she would do anything she could to get him. She would give up everything (she lives with her parents and has no friends so cat really see what's she's giving up ). He said he felt that he should give a relationship a go with her as I had had my chance!! This has broken me, I was finished I could not put one foot in front of the other. Then it got worst. He told me now we where over I should move home. I'm not close to my family, I have no job there I could not afford to get a property there because its so close to London. He said he would move her in to pay the bills. He has not been able to leave the home we share because of money or the fact I won't leave. He is seeing this girl - dating her. It's breaking me. We are still sleeping I the same bed - still having sex. Still cooking for him - washing his clothes. I don't know who I am with out him. I can't sleep if he's not in the bed. He said he's going to sleep on a friends sofa in a few days. I don't know how going to cope. I'm trying to build friendships with people at work to try to build up socially. I can't eat I can't think. I miss the closeness we had. I want him to stay. I feel lost. Edited May 10, 2013 by Littlemeiow
Toddbt12y1 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I wish to first express how sorry I feel for you and what you are going through. I can tell what you are going through deeply hurts you. Dear: This Guy has used you. You are working and taking care of him. You have given up your life for him. This...I do not want to call him a man...he isn't one...never loved you. I am sorry. He has checked out. He probably was sleeping with this girl on the side...as it sounds fishy. You need to have self-respect dear. Do not give into him. Do not sleep with him and let him use you. This makes me so very angry! He did use you -- my impression. You were groomed to be socially inadept. Keep working to make sure you become more social. Have you graduated high-school? Seek a better job...as you work. Save money for yourself and get an apartment. Life will be hard. As it always is. Consider me a friend. I hope other posters can better impart wisdom upon you. I hope they too will see you as a friend.
Author Littlemeiow Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 Thanks for the advice - I've stopped sleeping with him. I have told him he has to spend some time in the home with me tomorrow to build some ground rules regarding what will happen when he start sleeping on his friends sofa ( he is still paying some money to me for the next 4 months so that I can still stay in the flat until the tenancy agreement is up) in exchange for this money he will be coming back and eating for the next 4 months. I wish it was just a clean break. Watching him with her is killing me. I'm trying to hate him because if I didn't love gm this would be so simpler.
FailedFirstLove Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I'm sorry this happened to you. his just plain selfish there's no other word. It will be tough for sure because it seems like you have depended on him for happiness. I know what that is like cause I have done the same. I couldn't really tell you anymore than what other would say. He doesn't see what he has. While he was having problems with you that girl was there for him with advice and a shoulder to lean on. She played her game right unfortunately. You can definitely do better but it will take time for you to stand on your own feet again. But I really hope you do. And when you do you will feel like you wasted your time with him. your might REALISE your a better person without him. Be strong. Take care and goodluck!
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