Goodbye Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I guess I'll box up the momentos and put them in the basement, where they belong. The one thing I do feel I should send back to him is a box of photos from the 80's. During our first visit together again last June, he brought his collection of pictures of us together. Also in the photos are lots of family pictures of his, including pictures of his recently deceased father and grandmother. I feel like I should send these back to him. Do I just leave them in my basement until/if he requests them? Or should I stick them in the mail to his home...again risking that his wife may receive the package. I would refrain including any letter or return address should I send it.
whichwayisup Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Ask a trusted friend to drop them off. Do not contact him nor deliver it yourself.
Author Goodbye Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 More excuses to make contact? Nope, get rid of the stuff. Don't even put them in the basement where you can look at them again. If you were a recovered alcoholic-------would you have a stash of booze in the basement? Actually I am a recovered alcoholic, lol. Guess I'll just ship it off to him. Don't have mutual friends at this point. 1
tryingto Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I've actually been wrestling with the same issue. We were in a long distance A and don't have any mutual friends. I have 3-4 things that are items that were very important to him from many years ago and I do feel a need to return them. It's not like I want to return gifts he gave me or things to make him sentimental about our relationship. I just want him to have the couple of things of his that I know were important to him. He had shared these things with me to share a part of himself, wanting me to "really" know him and these were things that were not "given" to me as gifts..... In fact, I had always planned to bring them to our "next" visit which never happened because I ended it. Ugh. I was considering the same thing, mailing them to him without any return address or note inside. The only reason I haven't at this point is I do not want him to interpret this as any attempt of my trying to contact him or re-establish communication... I would say if you feel it's important to return a few things... you should in the way you think is best to reiterate it's just a return of items and not an attempt to "reach out" to him.
Feb Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I've actually been wrestling with the same issue. We were in a long distance A and don't have any mutual friends. I have 3-4 things that are items that were very important to him from many years ago and I do feel a need to return them. It's not like I want to return gifts he gave me or things to make him sentimental about our relationship. I just want him to have the couple of things of his that I know were important to him. He had shared these things with me to share a part of himself, wanting me to "really" know him and these were things that were not "given" to me as gifts..... In fact, I had always planned to bring them to our "next" visit which never happened because I ended it. Ugh. I was considering the same thing, mailing them to him without any return address or note inside. The only reason I haven't at this point is I do not want him to interpret this as any attempt of my trying to contact him or re-establish communication... I would say if you feel it's important to return a few things... you should in the way you think is best to reiterate it's just a return of items and not an attempt to "reach out" to him. That's exactly what I did. The thing was personal to him and not a gift like a teddy bear or something. Fortunately it was small. I mailed it to him at his work address in an envelope with no return address and no note inside. I guess it worked maintaining NC, because he never contacted me about it. I was glad to get rid of it and would have felt guilty just throwing it out. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I did this same thing - found a dvd I knew was his and sent it to his work - no return address. I hate throwing dvd's away. No response either. Yeah, best thing to do is to find someone to return them to him if you think he wants them back - otherwise burn them - I burned a lot of things - very therapeutic while dancing around my fire pit. 1
2sunny Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Have your friend drop it off. Doesn't need to be a mutual friend. Or just mail it. Letting go of the past is very freeing...
BrokenPrincess Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Can you just mail it to him at work without return address? 1
2sunny Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Since he hasn't ASKED for any of it - you can just throw it away! Seriously! 2
krazikat Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I did this same thing - found a dvd I knew was his and sent it to his work - no return address. I hate throwing dvd's away. No response either. Yeah, best thing to do is to find someone to return them to him if you think he wants them back - otherwise burn them - I burned a lot of things - very therapeutic while dancing around my fire pit. Girl I lmao picturing the fire scene... When I ended my first real relationship at the age of 17, I did something similiar....tore up all pictures and cards and burned those suckers....it was quite therapeutic!
who_am_i Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 No!!!!!!!! At some you just have to stop. You keep looking for contact at all cost. No need to acknowledge this man. Just get rid of the stuf. But, guess what? You know why you will not get rid of it? You want to give yourself one more chance at this guy. What if he calls asking for this stuff? Then you will have to say: " I threw them away and you will ruin your chances". Pierre I'm going to have to disagree with you simply because the things she describes are sentimental and can not be replaced. Had we been talking an extra t-shirt and a pair of socks I could see your point. In this case it just seems like the descent thing to do.
Author Goodbye Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Yes, if they weren't unique photos, they'd be garbage. I'm just going to box them and put them in the basement. When I'm over this chapter of my life, I'll mail them to him. Anything I mail at this point will just be an attempt to initiate contact..Pierre is right about that.
whichwayisup Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Actually I am a recovered alcoholic, lol. Guess I'll just ship it off to him. Don't have mutual friends at this point. I didn't say mutual friends. I said a trusted friend. Your friend doesn't have to know him to drop the stuff off. If you do ship it, whatever you do, do NOT put a note inside. He'll know when he opens the box.
Praying4Peace Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Either give them back or put them in the basement. Do not burn pics, especially of his Grandparents! I don't see why you'd go look at them once they are boxed up. It's pictures from the past. I'm sure your mind has enough pictures to last a lifetime. If you can avoid mentally revisiting those pics, then avoiding a box in the basement is no problem. Right now things are too fresh to mail them. Plus if his wife sees them its suspicious. Maybe one day you can mail them and he can receive the box without too much hurt on either end. 1
Author Goodbye Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 I didn't say mutual friends. I said a trusted friend. Your friend doesn't have to know him to drop the stuff off. If you do ship it, whatever you do, do NOT put a note inside. He'll know when he opens the box. He lives across the country from me.
whichwayisup Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 He lives across the country from me. Oops, forgot that. Sorry! Ship it off and forget about it. (don't put a note in..Just thought I'd say it again..) Let silence (aka no note) be golden!
Praying4Peace Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Maybe ship it to work...his wife will wonder who is sending back the pics and since Goodbye is in all the 80's ones it'll be obvious.
Author Goodbye Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Yes, his wife would not enjoy the pictures. I'll let them rot in my basement for a couple years until I've moved on emotionally, then I'll send them to him. He works from home, so no office address. I doubt I'll think about them in the basement. I have a scary basement. 1
loredo21 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I would ship him anything that you think is of sentimental value to HIM. Not to you and not to you two as a couple. Whatever you don't ship...LANDFILL. seriously, I had a $2500 laptop of his and after I held onto it for too long off it went into the Trash bin and it was lovely watching that robotic armed garbage truck pick it up. 1
Author Goodbye Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 If he gave a damn about the pictures or wanted them back he would ask for them. He hasn't because he doesn't care. He likely has tons of family photos so what does he care that you have a few? He asked me not to throw them out.
Author Goodbye Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 He asked me to send them to him if I felt I would throw them out. He'd asked me to hold on to them when he requested to "have some space". I'm going to stop debating and put the stuff in the basement. Done. I need to get this man out of my head again. I find myself longing for him...and yet HE was the one who wanted a "break."
SunshineToday Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 If it were me, I would throw them out. If you want to be a "nice guy" put them in a box in basement. If he really wants them he knows how to ask. I would not send them, unasked.
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