1908 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 So here's the (rather long) summary: Met a girl online over 4 years ago. We talked and talked and talked online, through text and phone calls. She lived halfway across the county so that was the only way for the most part. Anyway, after about a year I visited her briefly while passing through her city. We hung out the entire night at her apartment just enjoying each others company and before we knew it, the night was over and I was on my way again (me and friends were travelling across Canada) Got back home eventually and we continued our LDR. There were a few bumps along the road as one would expect but we worked ourselves through it and I made plans to visit her for a few weeks in the summer. That went spectacularly well even though there was great sadness from both of us when I had to go back home. Fast forward a year later and surprisingly we're both still deeply committed to each other despite the distance. I then made up my mind that if this was to work, I had to move out there. So I proceed to move out there and everything is relatively great. A little bit of homesickness here and there but she helped me through it. We got our own apartment and at first everything was awesome. Then I started feeling different several months ago. I started working a night-shift job and she was on days. The time we spent together started to drop drastically and my sleep patterns became so screwed up that it was having a terrible impact on my moods. Always cranky, always tired. Little did I know about G.I.G.S at the time because I believe that's what afflicted me as I suddenly broke her heart without warning as I ended the relationship. Took everyone by surprise. She pours her heart out trying to get me back the next few weeks. Sadly, I didn't listen. I eventually end up moving out after we broke up (she was living at her aunts after the break-up) and I move back home. So the first month or so being alone wasn't too bad. Saw my friends, family and pets for the first time in a long time. Me and the ex exchanged a few texts but nothing really serious. Then it started to hit me. Why did I break up with the best thing in my life? The thoughts of her have been plaguing me for the last several weeks. This is where my real stupidity kicks in really. Yesterday was a bad day so I ended up texting her asking how she was. When she inquired of my status, I replied "I miss you". Oy. Understandably she's not sympathetic whatsoever which I expected. I proceed to tell her that I messed up badly and she replies not really knowing what to say about this. We exchange a few more texts throughout the night and that's that. She sent me a text this morning commenting on the last thing I said last night and I give her a one-word answer. Why did I do this? Now I feel a million times worse. I do love her and miss her but there's a part of me that realize it's not fair to drop a bomb like that on her. We've been broken up several months now and it sounds like she's moving on with her life from what I've seen on FB. I don't have her as a friend anymore but I still have a few of her friends and family. I'm very temped to go into NC. Is this the right decision? I said what I needed to say, as silly as it was, and now it seems like a good time to give her space.
justletgo07 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 If you really do regret your decision and do want to get back together, I don't think it is unreasonable of her to expect you to do a little more than send a few text messages. Do you actually want to get back together, or are you just missing her and/or feeling lonely? Why did you leave her in the first place? If you're just lonely, you need to leave her alone and let her heal and move on. If you actually want to try to reconcile, you need to do more to make that clear, and need to show your willingness to put in the work that would be required to get back together. You breaking up with her, regardless of your reason, also broke the trust relationship between the two of you, and sending a few text messages is not going to change any of that. As you have likely seen on this site, dumpees are advised not to jump at things like their exes saying that they miss them, so it makes sense that your ex is responding negatively. Text messages require almost zero effort. If you want another chance, you need to show that you're willing to make yourself vulnerable and put in real effort. If all you are doing is saying you miss her and giving wishy washy "I'm wondering if I made the right decision" statements, then it really would be more fair if you just left her alone. Decide what you want and act with purpose. 2
Author 1908 Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 Thanks for the reply justletgo07. I do want to get back together but it has it's obvious complications in addition to even regaining her trust and affection in the first place. A few of those complications include her living halfway across the country. We can't just meet up for coffee. Another obstacle would be her dad, who came close to trying to fight me at the time of the break-up as their was a lot of bitterness towards me for breaking his little girls heart. I hold no grudge against him. I'd probably do the same if I was a dad. Homesickness definitely started to affect me towards the end and my relationship with her. I love my family and mom has been having health problems so that had me really worried. Because of work and lack of money as is, I couldn't just simply hop on a plane. I was stuck and it felt suffocating. Not to mention, my working hours straining our relationship ever further. There was never anything wrong with her as a partner though. She was more or less amazing. Text messages require almost zero effort. If you want another chance, you need to show that you're willing to make yourself vulnerable and put in real effort. If all you are doing is saying you miss her and giving wishy washy "I'm wondering if I made the right decision" statements, then it really would be more fair if you just left her alone. How do I go about making myself vulnerable and putting in real effort? Yes this is a serious question haha. I've never been in this situation. I could call her and pour my heart out... if she even accepted my call.
Author 1908 Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 Had a dream about her last night. Not cool brain. Sleep should be the time I don't have to think about her. And just to reiterate: How do I go about making myself vulnerable and putting in real effort? Yes this is a serious question haha. I've never been in this situation. I could call her and pour my heart out... if she even accepted my call. Please help.
aisuru Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 You have to ask yourself what exactly you want here. Only then can you figure out how to proceed. Do you really miss her? Do you feel she is the ONE? You don't go back to a relationship because you miss some of the person, or the companionship, or you're lonely, or dating others sounds unappealing. Due to the distance, I think you have to decide if you could actually marry this girl. Cause the only way to have a second chance, sounds like you're gonna have to move there again. These are major life decisions. Give them some thought.
Author 1908 Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 Thanks aisuru. It really is a major decision. I've been contemplating it but still don't know where I stand. But I don't really know where she stands either. I was her first love (she's 22; I'm almost 29) so I know there will always be a little something there between us. Judging from her texts and emails, it seems like she's in a good place mentally though. I have the feeling she's over me. It has been 3 months. Does she occasionally still think of me when she wakes up/goes to bed? Does she look at the chair in the living room where I always sat and start missing me? Or have her attentions and affections turned to someone else? Oy this sucks.
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