lahnes36 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 (edited) Ok, so i'm sure everyone's seen my past posts, and saw that I was in a very bad state of mind. Luckily through lots of therapy and medication (and quit drinking) i've been feeling way better. Well recently, my ex-wife (who is now remarried) contacted me and came on to me. We engaged in phone sex soon after, but I felt bad about it. She wants to have sex with me and have a "friends with benefits" type thing, as she apparantly misses the physical aspect of our relationship. I had sex with her once (while she was remarried) and felt very bad about it. I really don't want to do it again. I'm guessing everyone is going to tell me this is a no brainer, and that I've got to tell her to stop contacting me with inappropriate messages and that the "friends with benefits" thing simply isn't going to work. I guess I wouldn't be posting on here if one part of me didn't want to say yes to her. I be needing someone to tell me how stupid this would be. Edited May 10, 2013 by lahnes36
notbroken Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Ok, I'll bite - DON'T DO IT! All it will do is tear out your heart and stomp it flat. It will rekindle emotions - both good and bad and ultimately ruin her new marriage and not fix your old one. Worst possible idea. Go as no contact as you possibly can after telling her you want to remain friendly but you just can't have a physical relationship with her of any sort. If you have kids, limit your discussions to the children. If you don't, just go completely no contact. Every time you have a physical relationship with her is just hurting everyone involved. 1
Treasa Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 (edited) You haven't progressed as far as you think it you do this. It shows you don't have enough self-respect for yourself. I'm not even going to comment on her. I don't generally tell people they're stupid, but I think this action would only hurt you, and possibly her and her husband. Actually, no, it won't hurt her. She gets to be married to the new guy and STILL bang you. Edited May 10, 2013 by Treasa 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Ok, so i'm sure everyone's seen my past posts, and saw that I was in a very bad state of mind. Luckily through lots of therapy and medication (and quit drinking) i've been feeling way better. Well recently, my ex-wife (who is now remarried) contacted me and came on to me. We engaged in phone sex soon after, but I felt bad about it. She wants to have sex with me and have a "friends with benefits" type thing, as she apparantly misses the physical aspect of our relationship. I had sex with her once (while she was remarried) and felt very bad about it. I really don't want to do it again. I'm guessing everyone is going to tell me this is a no brainer, and that I've got to tell her to stop contacting me with inappropriate messages and that the "friends with benefits" thing simply isn't going to work. I guess I wouldn't be posting on here if one part of me didn't want to say yes to her. I be needing someone to tell me how stupid this would be. This would be really stupid. REALLY stupid. R-E-A-L-L-Y but REALLY - STU-PID. The way to tell her this would be a bad idea, that you don't wnat to do it, that you consider it foolhardy, reckless and dangerous - would be to tell her nothing. In fact, don't speak to her. In fact, drop off her radar. in fact, go No Contact. Total. And please, do me a favour: Don't come back with all manner of reasons and excuses as to why you can't do that. It's all Bullschytt. Don't give me anything of that kind, ok? Go NC, delete all her details, and do yourself an extra big favour: Change your number..... I mean, is this for real, or are you just including us in your fantasy?? Either way, you are still very much hung up with her, and for your own sanity and well-being - you need to detach..... 2
Mr. Lucky Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 From your previous thread: She also sent me a text a couple weeks ago stating that she has proof her husband had been cheating (even though they've only been married for a month). His GF apparantly sent a mocking photo of them together. So you cheated with her, she's cheated with you, her husband has cheated with someone else - and a relationship with her is part of your hard-earned recovery plan? Come on lahnes, you can't be serious... Mr. Lucky 2
denxnis Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 From your previous thread: So you cheated with her, she's cheated with you, her husband has cheated with someone else - and a relationship with her is part of your hard-earned recovery plan? Come on lahnes, you can't be serious... Mr. Lucky I'm only 24 and have come to the realization that our entire society lives in a world where we do things that feel good now and worry about the consequences later. If I've learned anything from my break-up it's to never cheat or do something to jeopardize the trust a relationship is built on. I can walk-away from my last relationship, dust my hands off, and chalk it up as a valuable learning experience. Question is, have you learned anything? 1
GuyInLimbo Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Stupid isn't even the word for it, man. That's just a low-life thing to do, esp to the other guy. What's wrong with you??
TaraMaiden Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 From your previous thread: So you cheated with her, she's cheated with you, her husband has cheated with someone else - and a relationship with her is part of your hard-earned recovery plan? Come on lahnes, you can't be serious... Mr. Lucky I think this is what could accurately be called a clusterf.uc.k..... 1
Charlie Harper Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I think this is what could accurately be called a clusterf.uc.k..... 100% agree... holy cow...
Author lahnes36 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Stupid isn't even the word for it, man. That's just a low-life thing to do, esp to the other guy. What's wrong with you?? Well I indicated she was the one who came on to me. We were having a friendly conversation, and then all of a sudden she starts with "I have to admit, I day dream often about sex with you". Then she goes further and I don't have to tell you how it ended.
TaraMaiden Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Oh, she came on to you? Oh, well that's alright then..... Man, I'm gonna get poetic You know this is just pathetic you're creatin' a heap o' schytt I really think it's time you quit.
Author lahnes36 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Oh, she came on to you? Oh, well that's alright then..... Man, I'm gonna get poetic You know this is just pathetic you're creatin' a heap o' schytt I really think it's time you quit. Well I am a man (a very creepy, lonely man) who hasn't been getting any lately. I guess I need God in my life.
dichotomy Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I think this is what could accurately be called a clusterf.uc.k..... Another LS post where I am confused- gosh darn it! who is the victim here ?
TaraMaiden Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Well I am a man (a very creepy, lonely man) who hasn't been getting any lately. I guess I need God in my life. You need something. Call it what you want - some might call it a full-frontal-lobotomy.... Another LS post where I am confused- gosh darn it! who is the victim here ? LoveShack.
GuyInLimbo Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Well I indicated she was the one who came on to me. We were having a friendly conversation, and then all of a sudden she starts with "I have to admit, I day dream often about sex with you". Then she goes further and I don't have to tell you how it ended. Oh, grow up, man. It takes two. Who cares who started it? Talk about self-destructive...
Author lahnes36 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Call it what you want - some might call it a full-frontal-lobotomy.... Or possibly that.
Gunny376 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 No. #1 REALLLY, REALLY, REALLY BAD IDEA! No. #2 NOT JUST STUPID ~ BUT "STOPPIDDD!" No. #3 "RUN FORREST! RUN! But most of all? You already know all of the above or you wouldn't be asking now would you?
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