What is the difference to you between casual dating and dating

[happykat]

Sorry, in my case it was just a general question.. maybe I should start another thread for it.

But also, as far as this particular relationship goes, it's not going anywhere because the OP doesn't want it to go anywhere.

[Mrlonelyone]

Relationship = Dating + commitment (exclusivity is one kind of commitment.)

 

Casual dating = Dating

 

Casual dating can become a relationship over time if you let it.

 

OP just enjoy the flow. Jump into life river and let it take you.

[curlygirl40]

So much to comment on, let me see..

 

Ninja - as usual I'm in agreement with you. I have many of these same types of conversations with friends. At one time, a few years ago I was THAT GIRL who only wanted to see what I wanted to see and not see what was really going on. I think people (men and women, but I think women do it more) see what they want to see because they have expectations and no matter how much stuff they see that doesn't support their theory, they won't listen to it.

 

I have a gf who is always asking advice. She'll be like 'this is his busy season at work, he's just so busy he wants to date but doesn't have time' and with another guy 'he's still getting his act together to firm up this job he wants and then once he does that he's going to buy a condo closer to me and....' all while sleeping with these guys and not asking them for anything more, but wanting more. She's making excuses for why they aren't all in because she doesn't want to have to face the truth because then she'll have to deal with it.

 

It's hard to convince yourself that it doesn't matter if guy is doing ABC if he's not also doing XYZ then he's not interested.

 

Candie I'm really not sure actually. The funny thing is that even though he appears to be available by contacting me often and making plans for us, etc., he's not really emotionally available. If I was going to amp up my interest because he was less available, you don't get any less available in my book than being emotionally unavailable. I'm not at all offended by your post also! I post on here because I like to hear everyone's opinion so thank you.

 

happykat I really have no idea what he's feeling since we don't really talk about it. It's been just under 3 months. I absolutely agree that if a guy (or girl) has not decided that they want more with you after 3 months, that they probably don't or won't want more. Either they don't want a relationship or they don't see you as someone they would be in a relationship with. I guess it's possible that it's just too soon for him to know so he's just playing it cool in the meantime, but I really don't think so. It is possible he's just a slow mover and needs to know someone better before he makes that decision. But my money is on the fact that he's too busy and too worried about his kids in this equation to bring a woman into his life completely.

 

tuxedocat - I would agree with that if I also wanted this from him and was just sticking around hoping he would eventually want me. But that's not what I'm doing. I know exactly what's going on here. I was actually in a relationship like that a couple of years ago and that's exactly what happened. He acted like we were in a relationship, although telling me he couldn't be in a relationship at the same time. I was very hurt in that scenario because I did just kind of go through the motions hoping that eventually we would be gf/bf. It never happened. And when I had to break myself away from that situation (which was painful because he would chase me and I really wanted him, but he didn't really want what I wanted) I realized only then how damaging it was to my self esteem for me to put myself out there and for him to not 'choose me'.

 

I would say it was that situation that made me 'wiser' to these relationship dynamics. I'm smarter now. I'm not waiting around for this guy to pick me. I'm just enjoying it for now. It's fun. I'm not going crazy thinking about it.

 

I'm so tired of dating. I have been on 50 first dates from on line dating. I'm toast. I'm just going to relax and enjoy the summer and have a good time with this guy and put myself back out there in the fall. That's my plan for now. I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason and I just started thinking lately that there's a reason I'm still single. I might not know what that reason is but it's there. So I'm not questioning it I'm going with the flow, having some fun and actually very grateful that this guy came into my life when he did. He's showing me that there are good guys out there and when the time comes, I'll find one who's ready for what I'm ready for. There will be a piece of me that's sad that it's not him. And I know myself well enough to know I'm putting my heart at risk. I do know that. But so far so good.

 

Once I decide I'm ready I'm not going to waste my time on guys like this one. He's a great guy but I would say he's got about 2 years before he's ready for a relationship from where he's at after his divorce.

[curlygirl40]

 

OP just enjoy the flow. Jump into life river and let it take you.

 

I like this, thank you. That's how I feel now.

 

In the past, I tried so hard with everything. My mind was always on overdrive. It was exhausting! I have finally realized that I should let go of the oars, stop rowing, let the boat coast and see where it takes me. Exactly. Thank you.

[curlygirl40]

Sorry, in my case it was just a general question.. maybe I should start another thread for it.

But also, as far as this particular relationship goes, it's not going anywhere because the OP doesn't want it to go anywhere.

 

Wasn't at all bothered by the question, happy you contributed.

 

Outsidethebox that's the opinion I was looking for when I started this thread. I was hoping to hear everyone's different opinions about what casual dating is to them.

 

I personally think it's possible to be in some kind of relationship with someone but yet know that it's not going to lead to something more and be o.k with it. Some people think that's wasting time or don't see the point. Some people don't see the difference between something casual and something with more meaning. I think the problem comes in when one person is not happy with the pace and pushes the other person for something more. As long as both people are happy with what they are doing and being honest with each other, then it's all good. The problem is when someone's not happy then there's conflict. That could happen here down the line for sure.

 

I guess in reality I don't really know where it's going, I'm just assuming some things here because I have dated guys who very much want a serious relationship and they don't act like this guy is acting. They act more invested if that makes sense.

 

I'm going with the flow here and just being laid back about it.

 

I enjoyed hearing everyone's perspective.

[outsidethebox]

He does all that and still not considered emotionally available? I think I'm giving up on figuring this stuff out.

 

Thanks for all the insights.

[HokeyReligions]

To me casual dating means both parties date others too. What you may refer to as dating I would call going steady. Neither involve sex. Thats reserved for after the engagement or marriage. I feel there should be a true commitment before sharing so casually something that has such profound emotions associated with the act -- no matter how loud some may proclaim otherwise.

[Cutiepie1976]

He does all that and still not considered emotionally available? I think I'm giving up on figuring this stuff out.

 

Thanks for all the insights.

outsidethebox--

 

Here are a few of the things he's probably never done.

• Discussed exclusivity
  
• Discussed the status of what they are as a couple.
  
• Discussed what he hopes to get out of dating
  
• Relationship goals: kids? marriage? whatever?
  

 

There are others.

 

These are things that guys who are serious bring up and bring up very early IME. That's what I meant by substance. They aren't interested in wasting time only to discover a year or two later that you never wanted kids or didn't want to marry for ten years.

 

Fluff is going out, having a fantastic time, planning the next date, chatting on the phone, etc. You are temporary companions who enjoy each other's company with no real expectations of each other. You have a fun time together. It's never going to go beyond that even if you are together months or years. The other person is not marriage material or relationship material. WYSIWYG. ¡Nada más! It's all cotton candy. It ends when you are ready for a relationship or meet someone with whom you would actually like to have a relationship. With one, the time horizon is the next date or when you leave town, etc. It's never forever. With the other, forever could be an option, so the things you plan on doing with your life get discussed.

 

Does that help?