Wicked Child Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I'll try to keep this as simple as possible. I became interested in this guy that I had never met before..So much so that it was one of those things where you just want to know everything about someone. We had never met, but spoken briefly online a couple times via Facebook. As luck would have it, things fell into place and I actually got to spend alone time with him out of state overnight. (didn't even meet until the day we left, after a mutual friend of ours bailed on the trip.) Imagine my excitement!!! So, things were obviously awkward, and I definitely did everything I could to keep my attraction and enthusiasm under wraps. At one point (after several cocktails and absolutely ZERO flirting) he kissed me. I kissed back, but really restrained myself from getting to into it. (trying to play it cool..maybe I played it too cool.) That was that. Nothing else happened. At the end of the trip, as we were parting ways, he kissed me goodbye on the lips. Fast forward about a month...with the exception of a couple flirty texts (sent by myself, and responded to rather quickly) there was no conversation between then and now. (aside from random Facebook stuff.) Once again, the universe gets me a night out with him. Awkwardness ensues, but we are having a good time (I'm still trying to keep my cool, so I don't scare him off). After another several rounds of drinks, he makes a move, and we pretty much just make out all night like a couple of teenagers. He was pretty respectful, and I say that because most guys will immediately try to get a girl in bed if they so much as smile in their direction. He did nothing of the sort. I guess I'm just trying to figure out what my next step should be...i've been just letting things flow how they are going to flow, and I haven't spent enough time with him to gauge whether his interest in me exists without the booze...I get the liquid courage thing, I'm the same way...guy friends tell me he wouldn't touch me if he wasn't interested, and that maybe I shouldn't hold back as much. I'm afraid that if I become a little more aggressive, it will freak him out and plop me in the friend zone (if I'm not there already..) So, what are your thoughts? I'm not revolving my life around this dude, but I've been single for a few years now(been on dates here and there, but nothing serious), and this is the first quality person I have actually considered relationship material. I've been out of the game so long, and dating in your 30's sucks.
jolie_baby Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Does he initiate contact? Did he ask you to meet him on a date? The way you put it, it seems both nights you have actually met were ''by chance'', with neither of you having asked for it... 1
Author Wicked Child Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 No, and no. It's all been by chance for the most part...There's never been a "hey, would you like to go do this with me" kinda thing. This last time was all me..We conversed online about our mutual hunger so, I told him I wanted to check out this place I had a gift card to and that if he was hungry also, he should join me. He actually never said yes, then after a break in conversation asked what we were doing about food. So whatever that means, lol. But really, if I didn't contact him, he probably wouldn't contact me.
BluEyeL Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 No, you should not be more aggressive. Let the universe do the work. And he should initiate.
Author Wicked Child Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 I've been letting the universe do it's thing..But because I have been more reserved this time around, it leaves me wondering if I need to amp up my game a little. I threw caution to the wind and texted him the other day and said "hi, you're sexy. have a wonderful day!" he sent back "thanks, you too! have a great day." It's been so long since I've dabbled in dating that I've really grown since the last time I was so interested in someone. I've learned not to make myself too available, and am playing the "hard to get" card a little. In the past, I've just put everything on the table because I don't really believe in beating around the bush and sending signals that i "hope" will be read. Normally, I would say something to the effect of " I like you..If you don't like me, that's cool, just don't dick me around." It's been my experience that unless I just come out with exactly what I want or feel, there's just a whole lot of crap that I ruminate over and overanalyze. he's a musician, and the first time we hung out, it was at a gig of his, so there wasn't any interaction until the end of the night..I had been doing my thing and dancing my little face off and having a good time, because that's what I went there to do.( It was just a super bonus that I had him for company.) He had asked me at the end of the night if everything was ok, and if I needed him to "take care" of anyone (meaning the guy I had been dancing with most of the night.) I told him I had my big girl pants on and that I had it under control (my dance partner was waiting outside for me at the end of the night.) I thought that was sweet, because well, I didn't know this guy, and he didn't know me...for all he knew I was just some random chick trying to get my jollies, lol. That really impressed me, because he kept asking me during the course of the night if I was ok and having a good time. (Sounds like a good guy here, folks....far better than the scumbags of my past.) The kiss goodbye the next day was what put me wondering..That was a sober kiss. Not open mouthed, but again, I was not expecting that. when he kissed me the night before, he didn't lay a hand on me...I didn't touch him either, because I knew that if I did, things would most likely heat up, and I was in no mood to get all riled up, only to have to stop, so I held back.
Author Wicked Child Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 Also, this has got to be the first time in my life I have met a guy and he hasn't immediately turned into a sex crazed creep. It's so refreshing!!
Cutiepie1976 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 You say you've only experienced scumbags and sex-crazed guys in your past and were touched that this guy said a few kind words to you. I feel bad that you've gone through that, but your approach might be part of the issue, especially since this is the new, "restrained" version that this guy saw. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but this guy's actions say he doesn't see you as relationship material and quite frankly, he's not really interested. Period. He's not initiating anything. You are! If you didn't contact him, you would never communicate or see him. He's not asking you on dates. He's not putting in any effort. You present yourself on a silver platter anyway for a late night make out session, so he makes out and goes as far as you want. Many guys don't turn down free sex and horny girls unless they are physically repulsive, but that doesn't mean they actually want to date you. An overnight make out session with some guy you just met who's never bothered to ask you out on a date despite multiple message exchanges isn't really the road to "take me seriously." It says many things, but not that. If you want to be seen as more than a good time Annie, good for a pump and dump but not much else, learn to lead with your many other positives and to expect more from a guy than just a few kind words. You can become his groupie and push to be his periodic booty call. But that's all the progression you're likely to get for your efforts at this point. You aren't going to be his girlfriend or someone he takes seriously. Decide if that works for you and go from there. 1
Author Wicked Child Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Thank you! That is exactly what I needed! Friends always tell you what they think you want to hear.
Msmickey Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 It's so confusing! I have read the comments and people said that if his not interested, he won't write you. But this guy I'm into, writes me everyday and even visited my country. But no relationship from him too..
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