stupid_ex Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 My ex broke up with me over 4.5 months ago. The first 3 months were very hard. We stayed in contact, I chased and did the needy thing. It pushed him away. Then came the push and pull. He has always said that he loves me, cares for me but doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. Or any relationship right now. He is still sexual attracted to me, he said so and he tried to have sex with me one time we were hanging out. It didn't happen. Thanks to me. After the third month, I started no contact. I didn't hear from him in over 6 weeks. He has had a stalker giving him problems. This started before he broke up with me. The stalker is now sending me messages saying my ex never loved me, he is out having sex with other guys etc....saying stuff to rub it in. I contacted my ex about it. My ex came straight over without asking. I was pissed off with the stalker and my ex. I told my ex to eff off. My ex wouldn't leave and kept on messaging me. I messaged back and we are now on talking terms. He texted me the other night at 1am to visit me. He did, we talked for 1/2 hour and he left. As he was standing at the car, he put his arms out and hugged me. Wouldn't let me go for ages. He then rested his head and lips on my neck and said he was sorry. We talked some more. He asked for another hug. He showed me he carries a picture of me in his wallet (with other photos of his friends). I am moving overseas in July. He asked, why do I have to leave? I said, you should be happy that I am leaving. No more texting, phones calls or me cramping your style. You can finally move on with your life with out me. he said No that is not true. I feel he isn't too happy with me leaving. This means i will be leaving him for good. He confessed that he came over because he wanted to see me. He cherishes out time together and he doesn't regret our relationship. He still loves and cares for me deeply. I am the first person he really connected with. That is my story so far. I still love my ex but I am now committed to working in South America. My question is: 1/ Why is he acting like this? All of sudden, showing me attention. (I still believe he doesn't want to be in a relationship) he has told me there is no one else. 2/ How can I use this situation to my advantage? This stalker has brought us closer together. I am kind of happy this stalker is messaging me. It sounds crazy but it's working. 3/ from now until I leave, do I spend more time with the ex building up the good times and then leave for my trip or do I just cut off all contact now and still leave? Your input would be most helpful. Thank you. This is a same sex relationship btw.
CorridorE Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I don't know why he is trying to contact you again and is showing you affection... he seems confused about what he wants. Maybe in the third month of no contact he was glad you stopped contacting him so he could work on moving on with his life, but when you asked him about the stalker he realized he misses you. For right now unfortunately, he doesn't want a relationship with you. But it is very unfair to you for him to tell you that he loves you and cares about you when he's not willing to put in the effort for a relationship. He's fine breaking up with you, but he also doesn't want you to leave? Now he is stringing you along, it's not right and selfish. I think moving to South America will be a good new start for you, and since you are committed working there I don't think you should spend more time with your ex before you leave. It will only fuel the emotional rollercoster, and it seems like it will be a struggle to 'build up the good times' anyway since you two are on shakey and confusing terms. Focus on spending time with friends and family, because even if you would share some good memories before you leave that would only make it more difficult to move away and you don't want that for yourself.
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