Jump to content

Getting rid of the "overbearing" label - very hard for a man?


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted (edited)

Background

 

Met jan 2013

Started dating feb 16 2013

She started spending the nights at my apartment by feb 27 2013.... Stayed over probably 8 nights over a three week period (and yes "it" happened more than once)

 

Throughout this whole time she is texting me daily, and often capping off the nights we didn't spend together with a quick call before bed.

 

Continued dating throughout march. I invite her over for dinner early April and she accepts but cancels day of saying something has come up with a prior obligation with her friends

 

Two weeks go by and I don't see her but were still talking almost daily ... Over thinking I become. Text her "are you still interested in dating me, yes or no" she reads the iMessage but doesn't reply. Text her again ten minutes later the same question in different words. No reply. She texts back "I'm at work, chill out" I (stupidly) text back "that text was longer then "yes" or "no"" and about 3 more messages she doesn't reply too. By this point I know I've already ****ed up and made myself look like some level 5 clinger.

 

Call her the following morning and get no answer. Text and She reads it but doesn't reply. I'm freaking out now so here comes anther bad move... Drive to my local florist and pickup a cheap (but beautiful) bouquet of flowers. Take them to her house but she's not there so I leave them at her doorstep. She still hasn't attempted to text or call me.

 

Four hours later she texts back "you're being really weird and clingy please leave me alone" I tell her it'll never happen again and oblige her. Leave her alone until 6 days later when she "accidentally" called my cell phone. I was so shocked she called that I watched to phone ring for a good 20 seconds jsut to be sure it wasn't a misdial. It stops ringing but she doesn't leave a message or anything . I call back about 5 minutes later and she is LIVID , sounds drunk when she answers "You creeped me out","I'm over it" click.

 

That was April 19. I have left her alone in hopes she will call back, but she hasn't, closest shes come is liking a facebook photo of me and an attractive female coworker (maybe she thought was my new flame) it's been nearly a month and I am anxious to hear from her as I really believe something was there up until the very point I blew up her phone . I'm considering calling her tomorrow and have wrote down some things I might say to her, but I'm wondering if there is anyway to dig myself out of this hole now

Edited by ManWhoThinksHeThinks
Posted

Sorry to burst your bubble bud but she just wasn't that into you. Women let you know if they are interested by their actions and they certainly would not cancel a date to be with friends.

 

You asked her out on a date and she fobbed you off by not directly answering. Why no direct answer? Because girls think that if they say the truth that the guy will get all pissy and they don't want any drama so they hope you get the hint and go away.

 

The fact that she said for you to "leave me alone" is the final straw in this sorry tale. It's been a month and she hasn't made any attempt to rectify the situation therefore she's not interested (most likely never was) and you should recognise this. Take this as your cue to exit stage left and go No Contact.

  • Author
Posted
Sorry to burst your bubble bud but she just wasn't that into you. Women let you know if they are interested by their actions and they certainly would not cancel a date to be with friends.

 

You asked her out on a date and she fobbed you off by not directly answering. Why no direct answer? Because girls think that if they say the truth that the guy will get all pissy and they don't want any drama so they hope you get the hint and go away.

 

The fact that she said for you to "leave me alone" is the final straw in this sorry tale. It's been a month and she hasn't made any attempt to rectify the situation therefore she's not interested (most likely never was) and you should recognise this. Take this as your cue to exit stage left and go No Contact.

 

I havent contacted her for nearly a month. The event she cancelled dinner at my apartment for was a friends housewarming party who she had in fact planned on going to well before i asked her over for dinner. I guess you telling me she's just not interested is probably what I need to hear, but Im for certain there was quite a bit of interest from her up until I bombarded her phone .

 

When she finally replied to my interest text she said "I was but I guess no im not interested anymore because you just went all high school creeper on me"

Posted

no.

 

 

and no. think about it, have you ever been genuinely creeped out by someone? did you want them anywhere near you? ....

Posted

I have to admit, your actions sound a little suffocating to me. She's no longer interested, either because of your actions or not.

 

Give her the respect she deserves by leaving her alone. Look within yourself to see how you rework your actions in future dating relationships. If you continue behaving this way, you'll continue to see the same results.

 

May I suggest therapy? A neutral resources who can help you rework your behavior patterns if you truly want to be better.

Posted

I empathize with the OP to some degree. I was in a long term, very committed relationship. I saw that as justification for me to constantly text and call my ex and see where she was at or what was going on. I had to talk to her everyday, and would make time for her above all else. I've learned that girls don't like this...shocker. It shows neediness and insecurity.

 

But there's to be a root issue. Abandonment/Parental issues? A bad perspective on relationships and their purpose? Seek that out. I am trying to do the same. It's good to be aware of it, but even better to take further action.

  • Author
Posted

I have not contacted this woman yet but i still intend to, I wrote a couple of "talking points" to guide me from not sound angry/upset when I do call her

 

I know I shouldn't have sent you all those text messages... I knew it that night and wanted to repair the situation the next day but now I know I went about contacting you in the wrong way and to be honest i believe if i had approached it in a better way you probably would've never been so creeped out to begin with.*

 

I know that that perceived clinginess really made your attraction level to me drop, and maybe ruined the way you see me. , but u cut me off so quickly that you probably didnt take the time to really process how much fun thr two of us were really having initially versus what i did to upset you SOO much. This might sound like me making a plea for you to accept me but what im saying is I hope you consider reevaluating all of that sweets.*

 

Just know I'm going thru a tough time in life right now... I think because you were so open telling me about some of the things you've been through in life, it gave me a reason to believe you were someone I'd feel comfortable sharing some of the crazy **** that's going on in my life right now.

 

Really I wanted to say I hope all is well , I hope u don't resent me. And next time i tell you I wanna take you out to lunch just think about how we smiled and laughed that first time we went out to eat*

 

Instead i was thinking I should send her a text more along the lines of "was at (name of bar we frequented together) last weekend and thought about you, hope all is well"

×
×
  • Create New...