Anais Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 My 30th birthday is coming up. I had this conversation with my husband last day. Hubby: What you want on your birthday? Me: Nothing. He: Women always say nothing but in fact they want. Me: He: Well I will have to think then what to get for you. I didn’t say: The truth is babe that yes I want! But I want it to be a surprise! Whatever comes from your heart. [And better it will be close to my heart too. LOL] I always couldn’t understand people asking. I did ask him on his birthday this year because we had the discussion that he likes it that way. For me the surprise factor is critical. If I want something I will buy it. I like the presents that are romantic. When he could guess what I would like. This way I kind of feel he is forced to buy me something. And it kills the joy of getting the present. Do you like to be asked what you want as a present?
dyermaker Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 I can't stand when people tell me they don't want anything for their birthday. Then again, I don't like being asked either.
bluechocolate Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 I didn’t say: The truth is babe that yes I want! But I want it to be a surprise! Whatever comes from your heart. [And better it will be close to my heart too. LOL] Why didn't you say that to him? You told him you didn't want anything & I bet if he didn't get you anything you'd be mighty pissed off about it. And then he would be like, "but you told me you didn't want anything.". 30 is a milestone and he probably just wants to make sure he gets something special that you really want and will enjoy. Why not give him some general ideas that still leave plenty of scope for surprises?
katie79 Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 Dude...You're 30??? I thought you were like, 15, maybe 18! You look so young! Not that 30 is old, it's still very young, but you look like a kid!
moimeme Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 When he could guess what I would like I believe some guys are terrified they won't guess right. It's only fair to at least drop hints.
Author Anais Posted September 26, 2004 Author Posted September 26, 2004 Thanks Katie! You cannot see much in that pic. It is made few days before. But many people tell me I look 19 in real life too. I am not always happy for it. Re: bluechocolate Oh yes I will divorce him next day if he doesn’t get me something nice. LOL I just thought that not everything has to be said. Isn’t it clear that everyone likes getting something nice on birthday? Maybe you are right I will tell him that I lied that I want to get something special and romantic. And maybe give him some tips. But I feel so bad to do it. Men! All women like to be treated in a special. They don’t need to tell you it directly!
Matilda Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 I know what you mean, that you like to be surprised, but you are putting an awful lot of pressure on your husband to figure out what it is that you might like. It's not fair really. What if he gets something that he truly thinks you will like, and then you don't. You think, "How could he think I would want such a thing. He has no clue what I want, and therefore he doesn't really know me, care about me, etc." When of course he does care about you, and probably knows you better than just about anyone else. Why not give him a break, and give him a few clues at least?
moimeme Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 All women like to be treated in a special. Yes, but to one woman, 'special' is being flown to Paris for the weekend and another woman would hate that because it means packing and would want to stay home and eat mac and cheese and watch a video. He may not be absolutely positive he knows your definition of 'special'.
Karlise13 Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 ...but my opinion is that most people would rather get you something THEY KNOW YOU WILL LIKE then be put under pressure to 'surprise' you with something you may or may not like. After many years of getting useless Xmas presents (that ended up getting re-gifted or stowed in the closet) I started giving my family and BF lists of things I wanted. This was after a year of getting goth-style jewelry (hated it) and CD's I'd never listen to and clothes I'd never wear. Doesn't sound romantic to give list? Au contraire....it's wonderful to receive a gift you absolutely want....and the smile on your face is all that your BF could ask for! Your BF just wants to please you and is asking for guidance! It's hurtful on his end to put thought into something, only to see you return it, stuff it under the bed and never have it brought to light. Expecting him to know what you want is unfair.
Author Anais Posted September 26, 2004 Author Posted September 26, 2004 Paris for the weekend and another woman would hate that because it means packing and would want to stay home and eat mac and cheese I think he knows that I prefer Paris over mac and cheese. I have had the Paris trip already. But it wasn’t a surprise. We have all our vacations planned so there cannot be a surprise trip which I really would love. Ok here is our farther talk. Me: Are you coming on my birthday? [i know he cannot even if he wanted very much. Just restarting the talk.] He: Unfortunately I cannot. I bought your present already. Me: Thanks. What is it? LOL He: hmmm …It is nothing “lady like”. Me: You are screwed then. You know I like it romantic. He: Well it is not that “man like” and it is just part of your present. Me: I was just kidding. Felt yucky for starting the talk. Buying the right present is a hard and challenging thing. Isn’t it? And if the goal is to make the partner happy then you can usually guess correctly. If he needs hints he can ask questions to find it out. Why I need to tell him myself? Expecting him to know what you want is unfair. Interesting. I thought I am being nice not to force him get me something he is not planning to. What if I ask him for something that is way far from the range that he is planning to spend? I may try that list thing once for Xmas. But there is no place left for fantasy.
dyermaker Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 Gift giving should be spontaneous and unscheduled, not annual and calculated.
moimeme Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 if the goal is to make the partner happy then you can usually guess correctly. Not really. Some extremely well-intentioned people are just oblivious when it comes to getting gifts. A lot of people buy gifts thinking that if they like the thing, the person they're buying it for will, too. I hate pink. All my friends know it. It's a local joke. Still, one of my good friends, in all innocence, bought me a pink t-shirt for Christmas. It wasn't a joke - it's just that she loves pink t-shirts with teddy bears on them. If he needs hints he can ask questions to find it out. Why I need to tell him myself? You don't. What you can do is let him know when you see something you like so he'll at least have some sense of the sorts of things you like. Some people have bad memories. Some people don't pay attention to details. So to expect someone to know exactly all the things you like and produce one without any prompts is not fair. Some people can do that, but lots of people can't, which doesn't mean they don't care - it just means their brains work differently from yours.
Author Anais Posted September 28, 2004 Author Posted September 28, 2004 Not really. Some extremely well-intentioned people are just oblivious when it comes to getting gifts. A lot of people buy gifts thinking that if they like the thing, the person they're buying it for will, too. I hate pink. All my friends know it. It's a local joke. Still, one of my good friends, in all innocence, bought me a pink t-shirt for Christmas. It wasn't a joke - it's just that she loves pink t-shirts with teddy bears on them. LOL It is not innocence. Not that she doesn’t care about you but such people have the attitude: WHATEVER! I DON’T NEED TO WORRY MUCH. IT IS NOT A BIG DEAL. But at one point I agree I have had small relationship problems because I thought it is clear but it wasn’t. Here is one. We were in Japan for two weeks. Last night I thought it would be great that we take a boat cruse and have the dinner on the boat. Instead of telling him come we go I started from far. What you think about it? I think it would be great… So I left on him to make final decision to go or not. [At least I thought so. ] We end up at a susi restaurant where we were eating already twice before! Ok the restaurant was just great one but…it is a big city and we are going to the same place 3rd time. So he didn’t even ask me what I want and made the choice. I was upset and he said he didn’t get I really wanted to go to the boat trip. It happened few more times. Like I don’t want to be forcing to do something against his will but also having some expectations. I will try to be more direct next time.
FolderWife Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 I asked my husband this question last year, and he said not to get him anything. I racked my brain to find something for him (he has everything, and he's hard to buy for) and he didn't seem all that thrilled with anything I bought. For Christmas, however, he knew exactly what he wanted, and was thrilled to DEATH that he got it. So from now on, I'm going to trust him to tell me if he wants something or not. I, on the other hand, want his thought put into it. He can be really thoughtful when he wants to be.
hotgurl Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 Here is what I do. I am really hard to buy for so my parents ask for a list. I give them 20 or things on the list and they keep it for x-mas too. So things I would like but never get myself. So I am still surprised but get something I like and they are happy. My bf gets a copy as well. But we also do this. He know I like jewelry but I am very specific about what I want. You know sometimes it looks go in the window but not on. So a month before my b-day we go window shopping a couple times. and I pick out the stuff I like frpm different shops. It's not only a fun way to spend time together but it makes me feel like a princess to have him escorting me to jewerly shops and having the sales ladies get stuff for my to try on. Anyways we did this last year and what he ended up getting me something I loved and I was honestly surprised at what I got. He is afraid of getting my something I don't like. The funny part is every says how lucky I am to have a bf with taste.
Author Anais Posted October 6, 2004 Author Posted October 6, 2004 Thank you for your inputs guys. It is my birthday today. Got the “lady like” part of present: beautiful flowers, metal heart with sweets, teddy bear, happy birthday balloon and a vase for the flowers. Now I am curious and will appreciate your honesty lades: Would you be happy with such a present like I got or would you have bigger expectation? I can be honest at least here. I loved the present and was really happy when I got it. But to tell you the truth I had bigger expectations. (You are welcome to attack me here). Of course I am not going to tell him. And the not lady like part he mentioned before was a web camera. He got a mail that it is out of stock last day. So I will get it later or will buy it myself (that is what he said). I have decided to do a “do noting” day today. Thought what is that I really missed in a while. And I came to conclusion that only day I want is to just be lazy. I am usually very active person. But last year has been very stressful for me. So I just called a cosmetic selling person to come home to bring me trials. Had a dinner at home with my daughter and mother, swam a bit outside… Enjoyed the great weather. Just was with my thoughts.
Papillon Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 You didn't get anything big because you didn't want anything, remember? All you got were 'celebration' gifts. Let this be a lesson for you. Next time ask for jewelery and lingerie and a lobster-'n-candle-light dinner. Oh, and btw, Happy birthday!
Author Anais Posted October 7, 2004 Author Posted October 7, 2004 Thank you Papillon. These all reminds me my childhood. My grandparents would take my spoiled cousin and me to a toy store every weekend. He would want it all in the store. He would start to cry and ask for expensive toys. I would feel bad to ask for something. So they would ask me what you want and I would say nothing. They bought him lots of toys every weekend and something small, not expensive for me. When I was a teenager I wouldn’t bother my parents with my needs. My sister later would just force them to get what she needed. Ex husband told me last time that women he dated after me were not like me, that I was so nice…My conclusion is that something is wrong with me. I cannot tell I want.
Recommended Posts