whichwayisup Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 OK you say, ".......Then out of the blue something amazing happens, I meet this wonderful girl she talks to me makes me feel like I'm worth something, that I'm desirable, a man. This girl tells me she's in LOVE with me, do you know how long I've been waiting for a girl to tell me those words, to like me, to want me? For 23 years I've been alone, lonely, depressed, living life in a shell, and now I've met someone who wants to be with me. " With all that I read, what you said and everyone else...You need some therapy. You have issues, self esteem problems. Therapy will get you to where you need to be in life and get you feeling better about yourself. Really read what I put up there, your quote not mine...What does it say? You reacted to a Young Girl, 13, who looked at you and has a crush. She may think she is inlove with you, but it is a crush. She may/may not have sexual feelings...But she is NOT ready to experience that yet. I know at 13 I had crushes, many on male teachers. But I knew it was a crush, if any of them thought of me that way I knew it would be wrong and I'd be running to my mom and dad. That is another issue right there....Do you really think your folks, her folks, friends and other family members would really think this situation is OK? Come on... You are not thinking at all here... Do the therapy thing and Fast because god forbid another cute, mature (so you think) 13 year old walks your way and tells you she thinks you're nice and cute are you going to fall for her aswell??? Just something for you to think about. At the sametime I understand how flattering that is, having someone look at you, desire you, have a crush on you...Must feel great eh? BUT she is 13!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even though she has said she likes you, and you find her to be mature...SHE IS NOT mature yet. Yes in some ways maybe she is, but HER WHOLE LIFE is just starting out. I'm sure her parents still hold her head over the toilet when she throws up!! A bad dream, I bet she jumps into bed with them!! Someone said dolls?? My neighbours kid just is starting grade 9, she's 13. She comes over to my house after school sometimes because she is scared of being in her house alone...We watch tv, I listen to her giggle and be silly...Yes it is fun, we talk about what she wants to talk about....Girlie 13 year old stuff....I would NEVER EVER discuss adult, mature things with her, she doesn't need to know about that stuff...She can't handle it..My god, her mother recently had a scare with CANCER. She was a mess, needing all the help she could get and really shot backwards in the process of it. DO you see where I am going with this??? Please, stay away from her...It will be something you will regret and later in life she will HATE you for this....Mark my words on that one...Also, you may do damage to her emotionally and she is too young to endure such pain and emotional turmoil!!! Enough said. Again, go directly to a therapist and tell them what you have said here...Print out all of your replies as well tonight and really really READ what we are all saying!!!
dyermaker Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Love's not something that happens out of the blue though, and it's not something that happens without work. You don't go up to someone and say you're in love with them. What you have right now is a 13-year old with a puppy-crush, and to pursue it any more would be severely psychologically victimizing a young girl. I'm sorry that you have self esteem problems, but this relationship will *never* be healthy. You can't relate to her emotionally, and vice versa.
Mr Spock Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Does she have a big rack? Some 13 year olds develop faster physically than others. It is inappropriate for you to pursue this relationship. "If there's grass on the field, play ball" can land you in jail. Where you'd be someone's b*tch.
Mary3 Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Now okay you are 23 and have self esteem issues. ... You feel lonely. You feel like this little girl ( And thats WHAT SHE IS : L I T T L E GIRL : as in child.....as in TEEN ....as in KEEP your lonely hands off HER !!!! )- wants to give you the love you have been missing all these years ITS NOT LOVE !! Hello ? For it to be love she would have to know you for a great many months and you both share common interests and quality time together...only then later could it develop into a REAL LOVE This is the Pitter Patter of your sick heart !! This is NOT the beating heart of someone in love. You are making me sick !!! Go out there and find someone who is not a baby! Or else : You are going to find yourself with a sore backside when the federal prisoners get ahold of you ! Yuck !!!!
NoodlesWIU Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 I knew how you felt because of a couple of things. 1.) I have been writing a book on dating for men entitled "A Psycho-Sociological Perspective on Mondern American Dating" I've watched people and how they interact for many many years and why. I'm only 24, but I've learned alot from just watching. It is a book more about teaching you to interact with all types of people, and how to find that perfect person for you.......It's not a book on how to get laid. It's a book to build your self-esteem, and prepare you for the dating world from what to wear, tips and tricks, and many other things. 2.) Your not the only one who I've talked with who have had this problem. Many guys do. But unlike them you arent affraid to share and ask for help. Don't listen to these guys. You dont need a therapist. What you need is someone to talk with. Someone who can be there as support. You told me you would sit and write out your list of failures.....But I challenge you to sit and write out all the things that are good in your life. And I mean anything...From your trust in God, to your family who cares for you..And look at that list when your done...And tell me then that you think you still have failed. There is one beauty to failures....without them, success would not be so sweet. You could fail 100 times on the same task....but that one time you get it right.....Oh man how sweet it is! trust me I know! So try what I said early in the other post and this one. Your first step should be feeling better about yourself. I can also tell you that you have had suicidal thoughts. I understand that pain. And now that you've met this girl you dont think about it as much and she gives you a certain hope that maybe there is something out there for you in this life. Well my advice is feed off that to start. Use that good feeling to feel better about yourself. But dont pursue her. That much I want to make clear! Use that feeling she gives you as base to make your days better. When you see her flirtatiously smile at her and she might smile back. That will give you the boost you need for the day to fuel your happiness within yourself. And it will snowball in the rest of your life. You'll soon start to realize you don't need her and others will appear more your age...Start with you! There is a personality inside you you know is there that is bursting to come out but you feel tied down by the chains of unhappiness. Break it free! One link at a time!
NoodlesWIU Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Dont listen to some of these guys...Your here on your own accord asking for help...And that is one of the biggest steps. But second.........I can only give you advice and show you the path.....But you will ultimately have to make the choice if your willing to walk it.
dyermaker Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Originally posted by NoodlesWIU 2.) Your not the only one who I've talked with who have had this problem. Many guys do. But unlike them you arent affraid to share and ask for help. Don't listen to these guys. You dont need a therapist. What you need is someone to talk with. Someone who can be there as support. As much as Noodles wants his ego stroked, he's not a substitute for a professional. Noodles, whatever you want to pass yourself off as, don't do it at the expense of another person. This guy needs help, and your Dr. Phil affirmations and claims of writing a book aren't going to fix years of self esteem problems. He needs to take proactive steps with a professional before he victimizes a young girl.
honey2005 Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 You dont need a therapist. What you need is someone to talk with. Someone who can be there as support. Then what is a therapist?
Pookette Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 .........I can only give you advice and show you the path..... Oh, no no no. We're trying to get him to stay away from this girl, not join a cult. Dont listen to some of these guys... Don't listen to WHAT PART? Stay away?
NoodlesWIU Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 What I really enjoyed about the last post was the warrant that this is not a field of my proffesion. I guess a graduate degree in psychology and Pharmacodynamics doesnt qualify me as one. I'm sorry to have bursted your bubble on that but its ok. It's quite funny how those who are quick to shun another are themselves those who fear they have underlying issues themselves. My point is simply this that doesnt take a brain surgeon to figure out. A person asks for help, is it really wise to tell that individual that there is something wrong with them? That they are abnormal and should be shunned by society. No the point is that should receive help in the most encouraging fashion, that they are not alone, that others face the same daily issues. Should he seek therapy, possibly, but telling that person they need to go seek therapy because they are sick, or dimmented or abnormal is not going to help the person. He desires a sense of normalcy. Not someone to tell him he's the only one of his kind and he should not be allowed in this society. Which in essence is what your telling him. Dont be so quick to judge my friend, outward appearances aren't what they always seem
NoodlesWIU Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 A therapist is someone you pay to listen...A friend will do much more for nothing.
Pookette Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Specialty Definition: PHARMACODYNAMIC Domain Definition Medicine: Is concerned with the response of living tissues to chemical stimuli, that is, the action of drugs on the living organism in the absence of disease. Are you a licensed psychologist?
NoodlesWIU Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 He learned a deffinition today! Im glad you did something worth while. I guess your wondering how they tie in. Actually very well. In laymans terms it is a study of how drugs interact in the body. Mainly my focus was on addictions, both physical and mental. Like how Nicotine is really not the addictive drug in cigarette's but it is the cause. Mass amounts of dopomine are released into the lymbic system of the brain which create that pleasure sensation, this drug also has a very high affinity and intrinsic efficacy. Same drug that enters your brain when your having sex, eating chocolate, or excercising. The tie in is those naturally occuring drugs in the body. How the body becomes addicted to those. Anyways in answer to your question, no I am not licensed psychologist, nor do I need be legally. Pyschologists do not perscribe drugs, then therefore are really just talk therapists as you have just mentioned. However laws are changing where psychologists at some point will be able to perscribe medication, and once that point is reached by all means yes I would have to be licensed. Anyways my credentials are not the matters of importance. Here is a gentlemen who needs help and guidance, not ridicule and exile. So are you here to try and get on my case, or are you here because you have a genuine concern for this individual.
Pookette Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 He learned a deffinition today! Last time I checked, he was a she. If i could've gotten with a girl my age i wouldn't even have hesitated to not get involved with her, but apparently there's something wrong with me cause girls my age have rejected me time and time agian. I'm scared that I will be alone for the rest of my life, never having someone to hold, to comfort me when i'm down, never being happy, and never knowing what true love is..... I'm really feeling for this guy...but he needs to realize a 13 year old girl is not the answer. He won't and cannot find true love in a situation like this. He needs to find someone who is licensed and trained and will be able to help him with his self esteem and rejection issues. Now if she was 18 and he was 28, there probably would be no problem. Hell, my husband is 11 years older than I am and that's fine. There's a huge difference between the mindset of a 13 year old and an 18 year old. But that's nothing that hasn't been gone over before in this thread. I'm sorry if you feel like I have attacked you. I apologize.
dyermaker Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Originally posted by NoodlesWIU What I really enjoyed about the last post was the warrant that this is not a field of my proffesion. I guess a graduate degree in psychology and Pharmacodynamics doesnt qualify me as one. It's totally unprofessional to diagnose someone over the internet. That's basic stuff, it makes me think you're the kind of guy who goes around trying to get his ego stroked by throwing a few words around, instead of an actual medical proffessional. Based on your behavior, I'm going to go ahead and not give you the benefit of the doubt, you don't deserve it--not when a little girl is being put in harm's way. Regardless, as you said, your credentials are irrelevant. You could be Sigmund Freud, you still don't have enough information to offer professional advice. Spouting crap like he doesn't need a dockta, he needs a fwend is an abuse of whatever education you may or may not have. Here is a gentlemen who needs help and guidance, not ridicule and exile. So are you here to try and get on my case, or are you here because you have a genuine concern for this individual. There's no ridicule. There's clear and articulate language to someone who's justifying their DESTRUCTIVE actions with their own nueroses. You can take up your courtship of this "fine gentleman" in PM's, I'm more inclined to be an advocate to the little girl your'e helping him justify his desire to victimize. If you really are a professional, shame on you.
ziggue Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Wait if you still have feelings for her when she is over 18. Then see if something develops then. That will be called true love if it actually does happen. My current boyfriend is 21 year old. He told me once he got hit on by a 17 year old when he went out before he met me ( when we were talking about age differences and age gaps) and knocked her back because he thought that was too young. A 23 year old with a 13 year old. If you had a bad brake up with her. You would end up in jail for sure. If she ever got pregnant her life would be stuffed and you would have her parents to deal with and probably end up in jail also.
NatoPMT Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Gala – It cant happen on any level, not even on an emotional level over IM. For a healthy relationship, you can’t enter into it when you have issues. I believe a committed relationship works most effectively when you have reached your optimum personal growth on your own, you are happy with who you are and you are then ready to grow as a person alongside your partner. If you don’t reach this stage before you take on a committed relationship, you will chose the partner for the wrong reasons, in your case apparently to gain self-esteem, which effectively means you will chose the wrong parnter. If you didn’t have the problems you wrote about, you can bet your bottom dollar you wouldn’t have this attraction for someone who couldn’t be less suited for you, at a time that couldn’t be more wrong. As a consequence, this relationship can’t possibly work. It will be highly dysfunctional and both of you are highly likely to get very, very hurt (leaving aside the legalities which you know fine well about), then you will be even deeper into your issues. You will come out the other side of this situation with even lower self-esteem, don’t make your emotional problems even worse. See a professional, get some help and after you have dealt with your problems, then start considering relationships. If you feel good because of her giving you attention, a bad choice in a partner wont stop you hating yourself, it will mask the problem temporarily until things go wrong, then it will magnify everything you despise about yourself and you will have to spend twice as much time and money on therapy. You wont be back at square one, you'll be square minus ten. Do right by her and yourself and leave this be. You have the opportunity here and now to make the right choice and every choice you make from here on in can be the right one - then you will feel good about yourself. BB
faux Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Originally posted by NoodlesWIU What I really enjoyed about the last post was the warrant that this is not a field of my proffesion. I guess a graduate degree in psychology and Pharmacodynamics doesnt qualify me as one. A graduate degree in such areas does not, in fact, qualify you to handle this situation. I'm sorry to have bursted your bubble on that but its ok. I, as well, am sorry to burst your bubble. Without certifications, you are not qualified to help others with your professional knowledge. Even with those certifications, you cannot go around helping people through the internet in such a fashion. My point is simply this that doesnt take a brain surgeon to figure out. A person asks for help, is it really wise to tell that individual that there is something wrong with them? That they are abnormal and should be shunned by society. This man is seriously pondering victimizing an innocent child. I would say there is something wrong with him. No the point is that should receive help in the most encouraging fashion, that they are not alone, that others face the same daily issues. Should he seek therapy, possibly, but telling that person they need to go seek therapy because they are sick, or dimmented or abnormal is not going to help the person. He desires a sense of normalcy. Not someone to tell him he's the only one of his kind and he should not be allowed in this society. Which in essence is what your telling him. This man needs to know that he is in the wrong. I am certain that a licensed therapist would remind him that what he is considering is wrong, and that he should not do it. He very well ought to seek some sort of therapy to find out why he feels this way. This man does NOT need to think that he is justified in his feelings because he is "not alone" in this world. This could give him the wrong idea entirely, and your words, if influential enough, may very well lead him to ruin the life of an innocent child. Dont be so quick to judge my friend, outward appearances aren't what they always seem It is very difficult for me to not think this man has some problems, based on what he has said. Additionally, it is very difficult for me to believe that you are actually what you claim to be, especially when you are offering such controversial advice. Originally posted by NoodlesWIU ... Anyways in answer to your question, no I am not licensed psychologist, nor do I need be legally. If you want to be moral, ethical, and legal about offering advice based on your degree(s), you MUST be licensed. Pyschologists do not perscribe drugs, then therefore are really just talk therapists as you have just mentioned. However laws are changing where psychologists at some point will be able to perscribe medication, and once that point is reached by all means yes I would have to be licensed. You MUST be licensed NOW in order to help other persons. If you are not licensed, and are offering "professional help", then I view you to be immoral and irresponsible, which is quite a slap in the face to your years spent studying Psychology. Even if you were licensed, it would take several sessions with this man, face to face, before you came to any conclusions remotely similar to those you have popped out on this forum. Anyways my credentials are not the matters of importance. Here is a gentlemen who needs help and guidance, not ridicule and exile. So are you here to try and get on my case, or are you here because you have a genuine concern for this individual. Sir, I "get on your case", because I am concerned that you may influence this man to do something horrible. Originally posted by dyermaker It's totally unprofessional to diagnose someone over the internet. That's basic stuff, it makes me think you're the kind of guy who goes around trying to get his ego stroked by throwing a few words around, instead of an actual medical proffessional. Based on your behavior, I'm going to go ahead and not give you the benefit of the doubt, you don't deserve it--not when a little girl is being put in harm's way. I am in agreement with this. Regardless, as you said, your credentials are irrelevant. You could be Sigmund Freud, you still don't have enough information to offer professional advice. Spouting crap like he doesn't need a dockta, he needs a fwend is an abuse of whatever education you may or may not have. Again, agreed. There's no ridicule. There's clear and articulate language to someone who's justifying their DESTRUCTIVE actions with their own nueroses. You can take up your courtship of this "fine gentleman" in PM's, I'm more inclined to be an advocate to the little girl your'e helping him justify his desire to victimize. If you really are a professional, shame on you. Again, fully agreed.
EC Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 I think you all are taking this way too serious...I agree that he came here for help and advice not ridicule and exile.... I think you should stay away from this girl at least until she's of legal age.... Either way at 13 I don't think she will be able to gve what you need mentally or physically... Shes very young and doesn't know what she wants and is probably just hyped up on the idea that someone way older than she is is into her.. Stay away..she's moving anyways so let her go..
Wellnowuknow Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 I'm in love with a 13yr old I’m 23 I dont care you need help your sick and I wish I knew where you lived so that I could call her father and have you arrested...SICK!
NoodlesWIU Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 I think the arguments presented have very few logical grounds to produce such conclusions considering I am almost certain not a single one of you has any real professional knowledge on the manner to support your claims. You are giving reasons but no backing to those claims. you say giving help professionally without a license is immoral. Why? If you want to be more and ethical you have to a license....one again. Why. Very poorly stated and bakced arguments. Plus I love the warrant that you have any real knowledge on the matter. I regret to inform that this will be my last post however, for I see the topic is now changing to others like yoursleves trying to back pedal and save face, and me having to show my credentials, instead of helping this guy sort out his thoughts. So have fun. I'm sure the topic will die shortly.
shortbus74 Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 I personally think that this subject was posted to get us all upset and angry..........the person has not responded at all to any of the comments yet? *I remember my senior year of high school, another male senior was dating an 8th grader (dont ask the south is a strange place to live) and they were dating. One day I looked at him and said do you really think that this relationship is really going to work out in the end? His response was, yes we love each other so much, I told him she is still a kid and she is going to go thru 4 years of changes in her life until she graduated.... (would have been funny to see a 23 year old man at a high school prom) but he really thought things would work out......... well they did break up and all parties went their seperate ways* The one thing I remember thinking the whole time about this senior guy was...ewwwwwwww......... chester!!!
Pookette Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 I think the arguments presented have very few logical grounds to produce such conclusions considering I am almost certain not a single one of you has any real professional knowledge on the manner to support your claims. Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number. I have given my opinion, as have the others. I believe quite a few of the other posters have urged him to seek professional help, as well as offer well-meant advice. There is really not much else we can do... This is self-destructive behavior on his part, but even more critically harmful to the girl involved. Thank you for submitting your opinion. It has been most...interesting.
FolderWife Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 While I don't approve of this, it's happened before. Just keep yourself safe, and DON'T DO ANYTHING with her, until she's 16. 20 year olds marry 30 year olds every day. Just 13 year olds don't date 23 year olds. Again, wait three years. If she's really "the one" then three measly years isn't going to hurt you at all. Then, you can date for two years until she's 18, and then you can marry her and live happily ever after. The end.
FolderWife Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 P.S. Some thirteen year olds are a lot 'older' than others. My little sister is 18, but she doesn't seem mature enough to be dating yet, while I know a girl that's barely 16 who is married, and acts like someone in their late 20s. I had a young friend in high school, who seemed MUCH older than his age....Actually, I had two friends like that So it's the individual person. Some people grow up faster than others. I'm not saying that it's ok for GURU to go after a 13 year old at his age, but I don't think he's sick for being attracted to her. 80 year old men are attracted to 17 year olds 13 is, however, in my opinion way to young to consent to a relationship with someone in their 20s. My cousin is 22, and just married his 18 year old sweetheart. They've been together 5 years. That would put him being 17 dating a 13 year old Both familys were against it (including me) but heck, they're married, and living happily now, so... Just wait 3 years, guru. Don't do anything stupid. I know love is hard to contain, but if you REALLY love her, then waiting 3 years for her isn't going to kill you. And heck, you have her permission to date while you wait!
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