I'm in love with a 13yr old

[Gala242]

I’m 23 and I met this girl when she came to work for the summer at my job, at first I thought she was much older but I found out she was 13. Over the summer we talked a lot and became pretty close, I began to have strong feelings for her but I never said anything because I was kinda ashamed and also I didn’t think she would’ve felt the same way but on her last day of work she confessed and told me she’s in love with me.

 

I was shocked yet totally happy at the same time, I told her that I was in love with her too. The thing is she doesn’t live on the same island as me and she’s back home so its like we have a long-distance thing going.

 

I haven’t told anyone about this, I really do love her but at the same time I don’t know if I should be feeling this way or if I should continue this relationship because of her age I need some advice?

[faux]

If a man of your age is attracted to a thirteen year-old, I think there is something very wrong with that man. I do not care what the laws are in that man's country; it is still wrong to me.

 

If it is illegal for you to be with a person who is under eighteen years of age, I would try to forget about this as much as possible, and be very glad that this girl lives on another island. Even if it is legal, I cannot say that I agree with it, or that others around you would view you in a good light.

[bluechocolate]

This is very bad news.

 

The age of consent in The Bahamas is 16 for male-to-female sex.

 

I was kinda ashamed

 

You should be - it's wholly inappropriate.

 

if I should continue this relationship

 

Certainly not.

[EnigmaXOXO]

 

Well, unless you are looking for eight years free room and board with a horny cellmate named Bubba, I'd start listening to what your common sense is already telling you…

 

Legal age of consent: Bahamas/Nassau (16 years of age)

 

Laws regarding statutory rape and criminal penalties: Bahamas/Nassau

 

http://www.ageofconsent.com/bahamas.htm

[Pookette]

Don't even go there!!! Not only is it morally wrong dating someone who probably hasn't even had her first period yet, it is incredibly illegal. If you absolutely must have this girl, at least have the common decency to wait until she is of age. You could ruin her life for her.

[dyermaker]

Even if your intentions are chaste, the chance of you being able to relate to a thirteen-year old is very slim--what common ground do you establish your love? You don't confess you're in love with someone, you learn to love them over time.

 

I'm 16, and I wouldn't even pursue a 13 year old. That's weird. You're being weird. Stop it.

[faux]

Originally posted by bluechocolate

This is very bad news.

 

The age of consent in The Bahamas is 16 for male-to-female sex.

 

Is this based on internet misinformation, and common misconceptions of the law? Or is this based on actual legal documents from the Bahamas? If you found it on the internet, it is more than likely NOT a viable source of information.

 

Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO

Legal age of consent: Bahamas/Nassau (16 years of age)

 

Laws regarding statutory rape and criminal penalties: Bahamas/Nassau

 

http://www.ageofconsent.com/bahamas.htm

 

That "ageofconsent.com" website is completely inaccurate. That website is not a valid source of legal information.

 

I also found it quite funny that the banner appearing at the top of this website advertised verbatim: "VIP Adult Travel! World Guide to Brothels! Where to go... How much to pay! Thailand, Philippines, Cambodia."

 

Looks like a VERY valid source of legal information. ::proper use of rolleyes would go here::[color=red]*[/color]

 

Also note, that on the "Age of Consent Chart" page, it states verbatim:

 

"...This is not an official guide..."

 

I also know that the information for my state, New Jersey, is at least inaccurate. The chart states "16" across the board. The state of New Jersey does not even have an "age of consent" definition in its law books. Nowhere can it be found in the New Jersey Criminal Code of Conduct book.

 

The way that it works in NJ, is that if you are aged eighteen or older, you may not have sexual contact with any person under the age of eighteen. In my exact area, sexual contact includes kissing.

 

Interesting, no?

 

This also might be of interest, at the bottom of the page. I have highlighted some of the more interesting parts:

 

...This web site and its contents are in no way affiliated, funded, or regulated by any Local, State, Federal or International government agency or governing body.

 

So the website, and its contents, are in no way affiliated or regulated by anyone official. Interesting.

 

...Information contained on this site has been provided by readers and/or has been discovered through the research of volunteers. Other than cursory review, no efforts have been made to independently verify the current status of the legal statutes contained in these page nor whether any cases used as examples are still precedent...

 

So any hob-goblin out there can say that, oh, in Arkansas it is perfectly fine to have sex with a five year-old, provided that you are exactly in between two goats, being no farther apart than six miles from one another, and one of the goats has to be black. They would apparently post it.

 

Well, maybe not, but they certainly haven't verified that anything on the website is true.

 

...Do not rely on this information to make legal decisions...

 

No kidding?

 

...You should contact a legal advisor in your area for a proper determination of law on any questions you might have...

 

Funny. I think this is precisely the type of thing I always recommend persons in this type of situation to do.

 

[color=red]*[/color] That would be rolling my eyes at the website, and not at you.

[bluechocolate]

Or is this based on actual legal documents from the Bahamas? If you found it on the internet, it is more than likely NOT a viable source of information.

 

I don't have any "actual legal documents from the Bahamas" to hand.

 

And yes I did do an internet search - it was accurate for this country & for Canada & for Australia and I chose to accept it as valid.

 

And given that The Commonweath of the Bahamas was a colony of this country (the UK) and that the Queen is still their head of state and their legal system is based on English common law & their age of consent is the same as the UK's I saw no reason to doubt it's accuracy.

 

But hey, I could be wrong.

[moimeme]

Back to the original issue - stay away from that girl. You'll only come to grief if you pursue this person. Once you've been away from her for long enough, these feelings will fade and you can find yourself a girlfriend closer to your own age.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Sorry Faux. Didn't have the time to research the info more thoroughly at the time I originally posted. Perhaps you might find this source less offensive and more reliable. I don't think Interpol is in the habit of handing out false information??

 

http://www.interpol.int/Public/Children/SexualAbuse/NationalLaws/csaBahamas.asp

 

Funny. I think this is precisely the type of thing I always recommend persons in this type of situation to do.

 

Goodness! Just how many people in "this type of situation" do you know?!

 

For me, I simply assumed if our poster lacked the presence of mind to decipher for himself what was 'appropriate' or 'inappropriate' conduct regarding a minor…he may not have the where-with-all to conduct the legal research on his own. Obviously, he is not aware of the severe penalties. Fortunate for folks like him that someone such as yourself, who is more savvy in regards to the many loopholes in the child protection laws, can point him in the right direction!

[Mary3]

Seriously she is just 13 years old and most likely stopped playing with dolls about a year ago...

I dont think shes ready for a full grown man with male hormones raging : thats one of MANY reasons to not * go there * but mostly because she is still a child !

 

Now I developed fully by 13 and looked like a woman but I was not....I had a crush on a 22 year old man but thankfully he just patted me on the head and never * went there * and don't you * GO THERE * . She has YEARS of maturity level to accomplish...and this can be disasterous for HER and YOU. If you want to be * somebody's bi***in federal prison...just keep this up

 

Leave her alone and let her grow up !

 

Don't be like the teacher who had sex witht he 12 year old student. She went to prison for 7 years but during release managed to get pregnant by the young boy. * Tourneau * was her name....

 

Dont go there !!!!!!!!~~~~

[Gala242]

Danger says:

let me answer the question first before i leave

 

I wish I could see you, touch you, kiss you, hold you says:

ok

 

Danger says:

i think we should stay close friends

 

Danger says:

for now

 

I wish I could see you, touch you, kiss you, hold you says:

ok cool, i agree

 

Danger says:

have fun at work tomorrow

 

Danger says:

lol

 

I wish I could see you, touch you, kiss you, hold you says:

lol.....I'll try

 

I wish I could see you, touch you, kiss you, hold you says:

oh and bye the way I love you too

 

I love You says:

gerard

 

I love You says:

lol

 

I wish I could see you, touch you, kiss you, hold you says:

what....lol

 

I love You says:

listen to this u can date i don't want u to be saving urself

 

I wish I could see you, touch you, kiss you, hold you says:

wow...ur really amazing just for u to say that,

 

I love You says:

ur a grown man

 

I wish I could see you, touch you, kiss you, hold you says:

and ur a mature and amazingly beautiful young lady who stole my heart.......

 

I love You says:

i hope u'll be ready when i'm ready to have a relationship

 

I wish I could see you, touch you, kiss you, hold you says:

u don't have to worry about that, whenever your ready....I'll be there with open arms

 

I love You says:

goodbye

 

I wish I could see you, touch you, kiss you, hold you says:

goodbye and goodnight

 

 

This was from our convo the other night and as you can all see she is very mature for her own age, she was the one who wanted for us to stay just friends for now and for her to tell me that i could date other people while we are apart is not something an ordinary 13yr old would say, even girls much older aren't as mature as that.

 

She is amazing and very close to my heart, Like the saying goes age is nothing but a number, I have no more doubts I love her and i don't care what anybody else says......we will eventually be together.

 

And also I do know the laws in the Bahamas, and what's with all the illlegal stuff and jail talk, i never once said anything about wanting to have sex with her, alot of you just assumed that because of the age difference. For those who don't know you can be in a loving relationship without sex.

[moimeme]

i don't care what anybody else says......we will eventually be together.

 

Well, then leave her to grow up and go back and fid her when she's grown up.

[dyermaker]

Like the saying goes age is nothing but a number

WHAT saying? There are all sorts of sayings. "Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed" comes to mind. A saying means nothing.

 

Age is a LOT more than a number. She's supposed to be struggling with algebra, not a 22-year old.

 

And also I do know the laws in the Bahamas, and what's with all the illlegal stuff and jail talk, i never once said anything about wanting to have sex with her, alot of you just assumed that because of the age difference. For those who don't know you can be in a loving relationship without sex.

 

This isn't love. It's a mutual attraction, and it's inherently sick. You're a sick individual, and the more I read it, the more it pisses me off, because you're severely victimizing this girl.

 

Ugh, I wish someone would punch you in the face.

[bluechocolate]

For those who don't know you can be in a loving relationship without sex.

 

Yeah - with your sister, your mother, your brother, your friends.

 

Is that how you feel about her?

 

Are you her big brother? Her Daddy?

 

Sounds more like romantic love to me on your part.

 

She should be having fun and falling into crushes with boys her own age.

 

Get a grip.

[Pookette]

It's really too bad we don't know your name, the authorities could be alerted to this. Also, see thread on trailer trash.

[SavesTheDay]

Stay away. Statutory rape.

[JoL]

Um..I have to say, this isn't a situation i find acceptable.

I'm 21 and if one of my male friends said to me that he was in love with a 13 year old girl, i'd be VERY worried..hell, if he said he was in love with a 15 or 16 year old girl i'd be worried. The levels of maturity are just WAY too far apart...even if you insist that she is mature for her age- there is no way no matter how mature she is, that she'd be ready for a relationship with a 23 year old man!

 

She hasn't developed mentally, physically or emotionally as an adult or even as a teenager..she's still a child. She would still need permission from her parents to go out.!!!! What happens when you hang out with her? You can't take her to a bar or a club because she's waaaaay too young, you can't really expect her to be sophisticated enough for a classy restaurant at that age, she probably would want to see totally different movies to you.

 

She is just not mature enough to understand what love and relationships should be...trust me, even if she thinks she is in love with you now, when SHE is eventually in her late teens/early twenties, she's going to remember you and realise you were a dirty older guy who tried to take advantage of her- even if it's not sexually, definately emotionally. Believe me- she doesn't even know herself at that age.

 

You are going to be a big fat scary regret for her one day when she grows up and is 23 herself....and realises that the idea for HER to date a 13 year old when she's 23 is disturbing.

[faux]

To those persons who cited internet websites as sources of information on "age of consent":

 

I want to make it clear that I am not frowning upon you as individuals. We obviously do not have the time to research this material on our own, and quite often, we do not have access privileges to a legal library where real information is stored.

 

The internet has some valuable sources of information, but it has more junk than helpful literature. As far as the age of consent issue goes, NEVER trust anything on the internet. Always go with the advice of an attorney who specializes in such matters.

 

As far as the Interpol website is concerned: This is not a great source of legal information, either. It cannot be guaranteed that any of the information is up-to-date enough. I always recommend staying away from the internet as a source of legal information of any sort, and going instead to attorneys who know what they are doing.

 

Interpol itself is a wonderful organization, and I'm sure the website is great if you want to learn more about Interpol. If you wish to find accurate information on laws, however, you will have to go to an attorney, police station, or a legal library.

 

As to the man who is "in love" with a child:

 

Please stay away from that girl.

[NoodlesWIU]

I have to tell you sir this is more a problem with self-esteem than it is with age difference. Honestly look inside yourself, how do you feel.

 

How you precieve yourself is a direct reflection on whom you attract.

 

I am betting you look in the mirror and dont find yourself that attractive....It probably bothers you. I am not saying you are not attractive, what I am saying is I can see that you dont believe you are.

 

The reason you are highly attractid to this girl is because you are affraid she is all you could get. That women your age just arent interested in you. Which is probably totally wrong. Men with lower self-esteems tend to date younger and younger women for this reason.

 

My advice to you.....Get up early everymorning....Clean your room everyday.......Take a shower everyday, dess up business casual everday (classy). and go out and make a point of it to say hi to at least 5 people in passing everday. Just smile and say hi as you walk past. You will get mixed responses some will smile back and say hi, some will just smile, others might not think you were talking to them. The point is you will get more comfortable with meeting new people this way...and when you walk talk and dress for success.....IT WILL FEEL GOOD!!! and your going to start to feel better about you! And youll notice more people out there like you than you think..

 

Happiness is addictive. People love being around happy people. Conversely no one likes to be around unhappy people. So smile and turn over a new leave in life......this isnt about age....its about how your feeling about yourself.

[tokyo]

I agree that you must be very very insecure about yourself to be interested in such a young girl. I also don´t think, judging from your conversation, that she will want to have a relationship with you. You are too old and she´s too young. That´s the hard fact. Accept it. If you deny it you are truly not ready for any relationship with anybody.

[Nosmas]

I haven’t told anyone about this, I really do love her but at the same time I don’t know if I should be feeling this way or if I should continue this relationship because of her age I need some advice?

 

First, keep this just between us. Some, including myself, might have less than kind consequences in mind, and even have the will and resources to actively engage them.

 

Second, find less pediophilic hobby. At 23, there's much you can interest yourself in to compensate for the puppy love of a 13 year old girl.

[Proto]

Any 23 year old man who thinks it's the slightest bit acceptable to date or have sex with a 13 year old MINOR needs serious psychological evaluation and also needs to be reported to the authorities, period. Hell, I'm 23 and a 17 year old girl hit on me...I was very disturbed.

 

 

That girl turns 18 in November by the way, so after that it's all good

[Proto]

Um...since I can't edit my last message, I just want to say that I have a girlfriend now. Trying to get with that 17 year old (turning 18 in November) was only a "what if" situation, lol.

 

 

Good, I'm glad I cleared that up, even if no one cares

[Gala242]

Originally posted by NoodlesWIU

I have to tell you sir this is more a problem with self-esteem than it is with age difference. Honestly look inside yourself, how do you feel.

 

How you precieve yourself is a direct reflection on whom you attract.

 

I am betting you look in the mirror and dont find yourself that attractive....It probably bothers you. I am not saying you are not attractive, what I am saying is I can see that you dont believe you are.

 

The reason you are highly attractid to this girl is because you are affraid she is all you could get. That women your age just arent interested in you. Which is probably totally wrong. Men with lower self-esteems tend to date younger and younger women for this reason.

 

My advice to you.....Get up early everymorning....Clean your room everyday.......Take a shower everyday, dess up business casual everday (classy). and go out and make a point of it to say hi to at least 5 people in passing everday. Just smile and say hi as you walk past. You will get mixed responses some will smile back and say hi, some will just smile, others might not think you were talking to them. The point is you will get more comfortable with meeting new people this way...and when you walk talk and dress for success.....IT WILL FEEL GOOD!!! and your going to start to feel better about you! And youll notice more people out there like you than you think..

 

Happiness is addictive. People love being around happy people. Conversely no one likes to be around unhappy people. So smile and turn over a new leave in life......this isnt about age....its about how your feeling about yourself.

 

 

Wow...I can't beleive you just said this....its like you know me or something. Everything you said is correct, how could you know i was feeling that way?

 

I think I better reveal some more information about myself before people get the wrong impression of me....

 

I am not a child stalker, or sick person, or anything of that nature, I would never do anything to hurt anyone nor would i take advantage of a young girl....However I am going through some serious problems in my life and Noodles (i don't know how) has described what I'm going through.

 

Noodles is right I do have low self esteem and i do find myself unattractive. Basically i hate being me, and i hate my life, because i don't have a life. I'm 23 and still a virgin, I've had bad luck when it comes to girls ALL my life. I've only been in one relationship and I wouldn't even call that a real relationship cause I got my heart crushed when i found out weeks later that she was cheating on me and not only that but the only reason she was with me was to make some other guy jealous. So basically i don't even count that so that means I've never been in a real relationship. Heck I've only kissed a girl once....that's the peak of my pitiful social life.

 

Beleive me its not like I haven't tried, but everytime i get turned down. And everytime i do a piece of me dies, I hate myself, I hate the way i look, sometimes i wish that i never was born. I even have a llist of all my failures I'm 0 for 30, and that spans over years cause its not like I'm a sociable guy who tries to talk to girls all the time. (How can i when everytime i get turned down). I'm shy but the times that i do go for it i get nothing but rejection. Sometimes i eventhink that I'm cursed.

 

.......Then out of the blue something amazing happens, I meet this wonderful girl she talks to me makes me feel like I'm worth something, that I'm desirable, a man. This girl tells me she's in LOVE with me, do you know how long I've been waiting for a girl to tell me those words, to like me, to want me? For 23 years I've been alone, lonely, depressed, living life in a shell, and now I've met someone who wants to be with me.

 

Do you think I like this situation I'm in? If i could've gotten with a girl my age i wouldn't even have hesitated to not get involved with her, but apparently there's something wrong with me cause girls my age have rejected me time and time agian.

 

I'm scared that I will be alone for the rest of my life, never having someone to hold, to comfort me when i'm down, never being happy, and never knowing what true love is.....