rather_confused_girl Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Ive tried so so hard to ignore him. He just wants to be friends now and messages me daily. The thing is he is my best friend and I am his. I do honestly want nothing but good for him in life even though he left me saying he wasn't in love with me anymore. We started as friends to begin with and it seems it is what we are becoming again. Although it crushes me, the thought of losing my best friend as well, well that hurts just as much. It wasn't any angry bu, certainly wasn't mutual on my behalf but how can I just abandon him after years of friendship and love. Is it possible for me to love him enough to allow that love to change back to friendship? Or will I always be fighting the urge to be with him? Has anyone been able to let love evolve or devolve to friendship or am I kidding myself.
Giha Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 From personal experience it just doesn't work if one of the two sides' feeling are more than just "friendly". NC is your best choice at the moment. It might work in the future, but I suggest you let yourself heal and in time you might lose your feelings for him and you may be able to be friends again. 2
Author rather_confused_girl Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Thank you for the response You might be right to just take a step back for awhile. Thing is I know I'll never lose him as a friend no matter how much time I need to heal. That's how amazing he is, also its very infuriating because its harder to let go when they were kind. Wish we had a blow up and I could hate him but I just don't have a reason to. God Im wishing he was a jerk so it be easier how weird is that lol
CelticGibson Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 The crux of the matter here is that he doesn't understand your position because he doesn't have the same feelings. It's like once they fall out of love, it closes that part of their empathy and they can't reason as to why you can't just get along considering that you both "like" each other. Yes it's best to keep your distance for now until your feelings have diminished. In time you can be friends and be glad you don't hate him because when that day comes and you are cool with it, you will be glad you could remain friends.... 1
316 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 (edited) You are not ready to be friends with him until you can watch him kiss/hold hands with another girl and be completely indifferent about it, like a real friend would. Otherwise you're in for a world a pain... And I think everyone can vouch for me when I say that pain from heartbreak is much more severe and longer lasting than pain from going NC. Edited May 10, 2013 by 316 1
Author rather_confused_girl Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Time and space... so easier said than done but you are right. Just got to follow through I guess which is my main problem. I got it in my head we are different from everyone else cause we were friends for years before we took the leap but I gotta realize we probably aren't the exception. I think I just realized that when 316 asked if I could watch him kiss another girl and I just burst into tears right now at the thought lol This really sucks! I'd drown my problems but they can apparently float so no help there lol 1
316 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Time and space... so easier said than done but you are right. Just got to follow through I guess which is my main problem. I got it in my head we are different from everyone else cause we were friends for years before we took the leap but I gotta realize we probably aren't the exception. I think I just realized that when 316 asked if I could watch him kiss another girl and I just burst into tears right now at the thought lol This really sucks! I'd drown my problems but they can apparently float so no help there lol We've all been there before don't worry... I also thought my ex and I could see past everything and attempt a friendship but trust me they hardly ever work out in the long run... But yes NC is hard but that's what this site is for. So many great people here that are going through the exact same thing as you and are willing to give great advice. 1
siankat Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 From personal experience it just doesn't work if one of the two sides' feeling are more than just "friendly". NC is your best choice at the moment. It might work in the future, but I suggest you let yourself heal and in time you might lose your feelings for him and you may be able to be friends again. In my experience this is the best advice you could get. It's gonna hurt for a while but a lot more if you see him now as a friend because you may be confronted with his new lifestyle, or girlfriend, or hookup etc and you don't want that. Not saying that is how it would be but you don't want to hurt more. If there were true feelings then you need this time away! And funny as it sounds to me because i am very monogamous and even find it hard after being with someone..to be with another, i would say that being with someone else physically helped put distance between me and my ex even if it wasn't great and nothing came of it! 1
Author rather_confused_girl Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Oh I couldn't even imagine hooking up with someone. Im 30 and only been with 2 men in my life and loved both of them. Call me old fashioned but to me sex is just an expression of love and to do it with someone I feel nothing for would just feel so so wrong. But I get what your saying as it would give me more of a physical separation from him just don't think I can do it that
CelticGibson Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Nothing old fashioned about seeing sex as an expression of love. You value the relationships you enter and will not accept anything less. You have to find a partner that thinks the same and someday you will after you move on... 1
freetolove Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 let him go and built your own life. it's hard but you don't want to be stuck like this forever, as long as you continue to allow him to talk to you, you're going to have feelings. not to mention, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO BE AROUND AND HE FINDS SOMEONE ELSE???? 1
Author rather_confused_girl Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 He's not dating anyone that I know for sure. Which is what hurts even more, he didn't leave for GIGS, he just didn't want me is all. Tough pill to swallow when they know you inside and out. The rejection was you not that someone else caught his fancy in a weak moment
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