GravityMan Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Women don't prefer "bad" guys to "good" guys Women prefer: strong guys to weak guys (I'm not just talking physical strength, but mental strength, which is arguable even more attractive) exciting guys to boring guys confident guys to timid guys passionate guys to apathetic guys ...see where this is going? Your definition of "good" guy is a low-confidence, boring, apathetic, overly polite, timid yes-man. Yes, most women would prefer an exciting adventurous "bad boy" to the above. However you can also be exciting, confident, passionate, strong without being a womaniser. If you can pull this off, you're what I call "a real catch" Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Your post should be stickied on this forum. The guys who are great catches tend to have all of the above preferred characteristics come naturally to them. It's part of who they are. For most of these guys...the "seeds" for growing into this type of adult person were very likely "planted" while they were still a kid. Men who are good catches are not all that rare, IMO. But the vast majority of them are in committed relationships, even the young adults in their late teens and early twenties.
tbf Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Just to chime in. "Good guy" is just code for REALLY FRIGGIN BORING.Not really. The breakdown is as follows, based on presumed stereotypes: Nice guy = a passive, boring guy who has sweaty, clammy palms when engaging with women. He plays the social transaction game of niceness and doormatitis but it's not nice since if his niceness isn't returned with sex, he's all butt hurt and bitter. He usually devolves to PUA alphamaleness. Alpha male = total jackarse manufactured by embracing PUA b/s. He usually comes across as a misogynistic overly sensitive drama queen who used to be a nice guy but since his nice guy tactics didn't work, where he's all bitter about it, he now punishes women for his own past failures, treating them like objects for his use. The perfect storm for NPD since the underlying personality has low self-esteem but masks with harshness and delusional self-glorification. Good guy = balanced man who accepts that everyone's a person and sometimes relationships and dating work and other times, there's incompatibility. He has boundaries that he asserts when necessary but isn't overly emotional and unreasonable in his reactiveness. He has a healthy ego, healthy in balance, rather than too large or small, necessitating ego protectionism. He's emotionally available with no bitterness. Hopefully the OP is a good guy, not a nice guy.
samsungxoxo Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I don't like either extremes. Usually if someone is being way too nice, they want something in return and aren't acting nice out of pure sincerely. Hence, they aren't truly nice. like tbf described a good guy that's emotionally balanced is the what most of us are really looking for. If he starts acting exactly like the male version of a mother figure.... be careful: it means he is expecting something in return and isn't really a nice guy afterall but a phony. No one gives everything for free. Nothing is free in this world.
samsungxoxo Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 (edited) I don't see why is it so hard for some men to understand the middle ground. Same as most men wouldn't be comfortable with neither an extremely tomboy nor a super girly-girly drama queen. A healthy person has a combination of both traits but is assertive too. Edited May 12, 2013 by samsungxoxo
happydate Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 (edited) Hello, I'm one of the lucky ones that found a girl that appreciates me for who I am. However, some girls in the past never even gave me a chance because I was "too nice." It was like a disease that girls were scared of lol. Anyways, out of curiosity, why do some girls prefer bad guys over good guys? Is it because us nice guys are considered safe and boring or something else? Thanks Nice guys = Don't express himself authentically and has repressed emotions, so he has to use a lot of his brains. He likes to play with the rules because he got burned so many times in the past. He follows society expectation of never getting too angry, too this and that. He's always doing it by the book which is why he's sometimes too boring. Nice girls do the same as nice guys btw. They also play by the rules. Alpha guys = Express himself authentically and has NO repressed emotions. When he's angry, he IS 100% angry. When he is resentful, he does it 100%. In society view, he is considered a jerk or a bad boy because this stuff should not be fully expressed 100%. But the heart NEEDS to express its discontent fully without having a void inside. The man operates with a full open heart, so he's able to navigate through women with psychic abilities and be able to be charming and yet mysterious. He does not need a book or rules as he is dynamic and think by the moment. He's also very relax and chilled out and is good with kids. If he can keep kids occupied with him long, he can keep a woman occupied and enchanted just as long!! The bad boy and jerks have gotten the bad rap because expressing 100% emotions is actually considered a SIN in many religious beliefs. I think this is absolutely false thinking because even good guys have no repressed emotions, so they too must express their anger and negative emotions fully somehow. Edited May 14, 2013 by happydate
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