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Im getting effed drinking up with ex rignt now. really weird!

cavalier99

By cavalier99
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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Letting people down does this.

 

I still like you Cav, but just let down because of how you are treating your current gf.

 

Im letting this incident go. If i decide to see ex again ill ask new girl if she is ok with it. If she isnt i wont. I dont like being shady although this definitly came out that way. Im sure ill get villified but that is my decision. Cav

 

i think my LS rep is now in the toilet. Although i still do know how to use NC to recover i think. It is what im doing while recovered that is pissing everone off. Ohh well. I know ive helped a lot of people and always been honest. Im not perfect by any.means just human. Take care and rock on! Cav

Edited by cavalier99
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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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Don't worry about pissing people off. Worry about taking care of yourself, treating yourself and others in your life well and with respect... And don't be a douche (not saying you are, just don't become one)

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crederer Established Member

crederer

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Hey man, no respect lost here. I think it took courage for you to admit this.

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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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Fyi i just found out the new girl has some left over realtionship baggage tonight. Definitly minimises any guilt from the other night. Not that I really felt too guilty truth be told. I viewed it as more unfinished buniess after 7 months of work and i took care of it.

 

Anyway with new girl this info sorta thru me for a loop and i might pull back some. Weve only dated like a month or so but very intense. Unsure if it was wise to open up so fast. I actually got that strange, in to deep, sick feeling tonight. Like i might get my heart ripped out again. I think it is just in my head but for 1st time i felt like i might be too invested in this.

 

The ex is gone. The only girl that can hurt me now is this one. And i dont like the idea im so exposed. Love is a definitly a risk. Worth taking but i need to be ok with any out come. I might need to toughen up again some.

 

Cav

grace777 Established Member

grace777

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Hey Cav,

 

I've been following your thread. I want to say that I think it's totally fine that you saw your ex. You needed that experience and it served its purpose. I do agree that it's questionable when it comes to your new girlfriend though. However, you're only at the beginning stages. Are you exclusive? If so, tell her. If not, play it by ear, but please be sensitive to her feelings throughout (as I am confident you will be).

 

In regards to your last post, however... is it possible that being with your ex subtly ignited some nearly burnt out ember? And this is why you're reading into your current girl's past issues or baggage or whatever? Like maybe, because of last night's experience, you're looking for reasons (albiet subconsciously) as to why it may not work out with the new girl??

 

Food for thought. You're right, love is scary. Especially when you've recently been through a painful experience, but don't run away from something that may have the potential to be great out of fear/anxiety/doubt, or longing for what once was. I'm not saying you are. Only you know this. But the timing in this string of events makes it suspect.

 

Careful Cav. No rash decisions quite yet.

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McDonald Established Member

McDonald

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Lol with Na and Cavs situation, it seems as if at month 6/7 there will be a turn of events.

 

If I was the old post breakup me I would say I hope so. But I hope not.

CptSaveAho Established Member

CptSaveAho

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Lol with Na and Cavs situation, it seems as if at month 6/7 there will be a turn of events.

 

Gigs is fun isnt it?

 

People that lie to themselves and cant be alone... welcome to the pattern

 

"I dont want anything to do with my ex but i still care for them and will lay in bed with them even when im dating someone else" LOL hypocrites

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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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Gigs is fun isnt it?

 

People that lie to themselves and cant be alone... welcome to the pattern

 

"I dont want anything to do with my ex but i still care for them and will lay in bed with them even when im dating someone else" LOL hypocrites

 

Im good! Ill just move onto the next victim! Cav

 

huh i have gigs wtf. Im used to being alone. It is only recently that every girl wants to F*ck me.

Edited by cavalier99
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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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Hey Cav,

 

I've been following your thread. I want to say that I think it's totally fine that you saw your ex. You needed that experience and it served its purpose. I do agree that it's questionable when it comes to your new girlfriend though. However, you're only at the beginning stages. Are you exclusive? If so, tell her. If not, play it by ear, but please be sensitive to her feelings throughout (as I am confident you will be).

 

In regards to your last post, however... is it possible that being with your ex subtly ignited some nearly burnt out ember? And this is why you're reading into your current girl's past issues or baggage or whatever? Like maybe, because of last night's experience, you're looking for reasons (albiet subconsciously) as to why it may not work out with the new girl??

 

Food for thought. You're right, love is scary. Especially when you've recently been through a painful experience, but don't run away from something that may have the potential to be great out of fear/anxiety/doubt, or longing for what once was. I'm not saying you are. Only you know this. But the timing in this string of events makes it suspect.

 

Careful Cav. No rash decisions quite yet.

 

Thank you Grace! Hope your doing well.

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GB25 Established Member

GB25

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Cav you're still as real as they come bro..

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TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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Fyi i just found out the new girl has some left over realtionship baggage tonight.

 

Well it definitely looks to us, from here, as if she's not the only one, Mr 'Pot-Calling-The-kettle-Black'....

 

Definitly minimises any guilt from the other night.

 

Relationships are no places for tit-for-tat engagements. One situation does not, and should not be considered to, cancel out another.... That's a very immature attitude, Cav....

 

 

Not that I really felt too guilty truth be told. I viewed it as more unfinished buniess after 7 months of work and i took care of it.
There are much better ways of taking care of unfinished business than ending up in bed with your ex. Whatever the consequences of that particular little snippet...

 

Anyway with new girl this info sorta thru me for a loop and i might pull back some. Weve only dated like a month or so but very intense. Unsure if it was wise to open up so fast. I actually got that strange, in to deep, sick feeling tonight. Like i might get my heart ripped out again. I think it is just in my head but for 1st time i felt like i might be too invested in this.

 

Communication.

Communication and Respect.

She's just as human, vulnerable and apt to make mistakes as anyone else... as you, in fact.....

 

The ex is gone. The only girl that can hurt me now is this one. And i dont like the idea im so exposed. Love is a definitly a risk. Worth taking but i need to be ok with any out come. I might need to toughen up again some.

 

Cav

So you and the ex- are back into complete NC - out of each others' lives, and no longer in touch.... right?

 

Now deal with this in a decisive and mature way:

Either discuss this situation - whatever it may be - with your new GF on a level playing field - or bail, and be left wondering for the rest of your life what could have been.

I prefer the former.

The latter is a jerkish decision, and you're already at a full magazine with that junk....

  • Like 2
siankat Established Member

siankat

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I like my EX and care for her. I love new girl. It was a mistake in that sense but succesful in another sense. I put a lot of effort into recovering and seeing her was somthing i had always wanted to do when recovered. She put my self esteem in the toilet and i just got some of it back..maybe it was rub it in you face sorta thing to an extent! So i scrached that itch.

 

I guess my desire to completly knock her off that pedestal eliminate all mystery and be fine seeing her and indifferent overcame my common sense. It was definitly a egotisitcal move. I used ex to get an ego boost i think. And it wasnt fair to new girl.

 

There is no permanent damage and i guess i dont regret it. Its done and it was a good lesson, i know my priorities now. Thanks for all the responses. Cav

 

You are in love with the new girl...how long have you been together?

siankat Established Member

siankat

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Well it definitely looks to us, from here, as if she's not the only one, Mr 'Pot-Calling-The-kettle-Black'....

 

 

 

Relationships are no places for tit-for-tat engagements. One situation does not, and should not be considered to, cancel out another.... That's a very immature attitude, Cav....

 

 

There are much better ways of taking care of unfinished business than ending up in bed with your ex. Whatever the consequences of that particular little snippet...

 

 

 

Communication.

Communication and Respect.

She's just as human, vulnerable and apt to make mistakes as anyone else... as you, in fact.....

 

 

So you and the ex- are back into complete NC - out of each others' lives, and no longer in touch.... right?

 

Now deal with this in a decisive and mature way:

Either discuss this situation - whatever it may be - with your new GF on a level playing field - or bail, and be left wondering for the rest of your life what could have been.

I prefer the former.

The latter is a jerkish decision, and you're already at a full magazine with that junk....

 

Makes sense

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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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Posted (edited)
Well it definitely looks to us, from here, as if she's not the only Mr 'Pot-Calling-The-kettle-Black'....

[

 

Relationships are no places for tit-for-tat engagements. One situation does not, and should not be considered to, cancel out another.... That's a very immature attitude, Cav....

 

AGREED

 

There are much better ways of taking care of unfinished business than ending up in bed with your ex. Whatever the consequences of that particular little snippet...

 

AGREED. BUT DONT REGRET SEEING HER. JUST THE BED PART

 

Communication.

Communication and Respect.

She's just as human, vulnerable and apt to make mistakes as anyone else... as you, in fact.....

 

We talke for hours last night. Mature adult discussion.

So you and the ex- are back into complete NC - out of each others' lives, and no longer in touch.... right?

 

Unintended consequence of contacting ex was awakening feelings in her i think. She called me yesterday. Im sure shed love to have me around as a back up plan or even as a primary plan. Im not going there and i think she is sligtly dumbfounded at my strength and

response to her. We are not going to be in regular contact and if she is ill cut it off like that.

!

l with this in a decisive and mature way:

Either discuss this situation - whatever it may be - with your new GF on a level playing field - or bail, and be left wondering for the rest of your life what could have been.

I prefer the former.

The latter is a jerkish decision, and you're already at a full magazine with that junk....

 

Im not bailing i just need to re center myself emotioally. Im a little scared of the really really strong feelings i have. some things she told me yesterday awakend some insecure and slightly jealous feelings and i dont like feeling like that way. the issue is mine i think. residual BS from getting dumped last year i think.

Edited by cavalier99
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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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HA all!!!!

 

STILL dont miss ex!!!!! Just dont give a flying f*ck. woo hooo!!! Next step is f*cking her and see if i can hold it together! Lol awaiting back lash! (Kidding)

 

Rock on! Cav

Edited by cavalier99
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aisuru Established Member

aisuru

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HA all!!!!

 

STILL dont miss ex!!!!! Just dont give a flying f*ck. woo hooo!!! Next step is f*cking her and see if i can hold it together! Lol awaiting back lash! (Kidding)

 

Rock on! Cav

 

You're still under the influence of a contact high.

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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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You're still under the influence of a contact high.

 

No im not. I feel like im at an AA meeting but im not an alcoholic. Cav

Am4Real Established Member

Am4Real

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Tis, tis, tis, tis...

 

Have not read thru the entire four pages of posts but like I said a week ago with your supposed drive by of her at work...I knew you were up to something.

 

Tis, tis, tis, tis...

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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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Jeez. I only met ex for dinner for dinner and drinks. And we ended up cuddling.

 

1St time ive talked to her since last october. I mean cmon everyone it isnt murder.

 

Im fine, it is so wierd to see everyone get so upset over this. Noboby is allowed to have fun anymore or joke around it seems. Lol Cav

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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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Tis, tis, tis, tis...

 

Have not read thru the entire four pages of posts but like I said a week ago with your supposed drive by of her at work...I knew you were up to something.

 

Tis, tis, tis, tis...

 

That did get me thinking about finally contacting her. I figure instead of waiting anoth 6 month to find out id just take care of it all at once. Lol Cav

Echo000 Established Member

Echo000

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i think what you did was bad because you are with another girl.

 

the act of seeing ex/sleeping next to her in bed in itself is nothing and nobody should be ripping on you for that.

 

but thats a shi**y thing to do when you are with another person. I would be super bummed (not hearbroken or anything because its way early in the relationship) but bummed if i found my new gf was doing that type of stuff with her ex.

 

Plus, stuff like this can come back to bite you later on. if you guys stay together, she will grow stronger feelings and may develop resentment towards your behavior early in the relationship. Iv experienced that myself.

 

Otherwise..its all good.

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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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i think what you did was bad because you are with another girl.

 

the act of seeing ex/sleeping next to her in bed in itself is nothing and nobody should be ripping on you for that.

 

but thats a shi**y thing to do when you are with another person. I would be super bummed (not hearbroken or anything because its way early in the relationship) but bummed if i found my new gf was doing that type of stuff with her ex.

 

Plus, stuff like this can come back to bite you later on. if you guys stay together, she will grow stronger feelings and may develop resentment towards your behavior early in the relationship. Iv experienced that myself.

 

Otherwise..its all good.

 

you are right about the other girl thing. Sh*t went down. It was weird surreal night. Live and learn. Thanks man. Cav

Echo000 Established Member

Echo000

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Posted

good attitude. live and learn just like you said. no need to beat yourself up.

 

Go hang with your current girl man..leave the ex alone. your blessed my dude..enjoy it (until she becomes your next ex..haha JK!)

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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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On another note. While nobody seems to think my seeing ex was a good idea and find it unsaviory.

 

I can report that NC really does work quite well to recover.!

 

This whole forum is about recovering from the BU and getting over feeling destroyed and using NC to heal!

 

I hope that this thread in a weird way shows how you can go from being in the gutter over a BU to being fine seeing that person and reminising.

 

this was me on Nov 15

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/357332-friggin-fed-up-sick-tired-recovery

 

So take solace everyone it does get better! I have only wanted to help people around here and get help and have some fun along the way while recovering. Rock on! Cav

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Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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Posted

My only beef was the new girlfriend factor. Otherwise I couldn't care less.

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