babydoll Posted September 25, 2004 Posted September 25, 2004 Im having some relationship issues and need some advice. My BF and I have been together 2 years, and I dont trust him. Thats a big problem. He does not trust me. Yet another problem. He uses marajuana 5-10 a day, but has come far because he use to use crack before I came along. But he quit on his own and swears that he doesnt do it anymore. Well we have been getting along pretty well lately, until last night. He came home from work different. After work he went to a new dealer(throughtout our whole relationship he has used the same 3 guys) got his stuff and was home about 45 minutes after he got off work. So it begins once the kids are in bed and we are having a couple drinks together. He wouldnt shut up, which he does blab on sometimes but it was a little odd. Then he was slurring his words after one drink. He was very hyper. He wouldnt eat, which is totally out of character, and what really got me is when he did this childlike cup over his mouth laughing. I ask him at that point if he was on something and got very defensive, and upset saying I should trust him more and he wasnt on anything, just that he was happy and likely tired. We got over that , went to bed later, and he got up to make himself throw up. This morning when I got up, I noticed that a number he threw on the nightstand was gone. So I check it out, found it , and he just riped a little peice off that said his name and 'call" I asked him about it and said it ripped putting it away, but it was not and accidental rip , it was just that torn off.I thought that was weird. So I went to his work, in the middle of an anxiety attack and asked him again if he was on anything. He said no, and said he will move out if I dont trust him. I said I dont want him to go to that dealer anymore and he flat out told me no. After a few words he said fine and gave me and ultimatim not to say anything about heavy drugs again to him because I have to believe that he is not on them. Then I just left. I dont know if I being paranoid. Ive never been on any heavy drug. But after he action last night, I looked up some signs of cocaine use and he displayed all last night. Now im not saying id throw him out if he used it once, but I will not have that in my life, i done good to except the fact that he is addicted to MJ. And I certainly wont put up with lies. But am I just being paranoid. I feel truely inside that he is hiding something, whether its drugs or something else. I really dont know what to do. So now, tonight when he comes home from work , I have no idea whats going to happen. I dont want to fight, but I dont want to be lied to, and i feel if I just let this go and say I was wrong, i in the long run will be laughed at because I do have such a strong feeling. Any input?
krbshappy71 Posted September 25, 2004 Posted September 25, 2004 Do you realize if you get busted with this in your house you could lose your children? This risk is okay with you? I realize that pot is not a big deal for some people but my children ARE a big deal to me and it just makes me cringe to think you are allowing him to live there and continue this behavior. I try and do everything I can to keep my children in a safe environment and drug use is not conducive to that. PLEASE PLEASE reconsider your situation and insist he gets professional help to end all his addictions before you allow him to continue living with you.
Author babydoll Posted September 25, 2004 Author Posted September 25, 2004 I realize that his smoking is a problem, but he smoke it when we met and who am I to change that as long as my children are not exposed to it , which they are not. I do know he need help, he knows he needs help, at least sometimes he admits it, but he will not take any action for himself. I can not make him do it. But if there is something else I will not accept it. And this is my dillema. I dont know if i being paranoid, or if this is a real possibility. I just dont know.
krbshappy71 Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 I don't think you are being paranoid, and I'm sorry if I sounded attacking, I honestly was in a similar situation and I just wish I had gotten out sooner. The guy did pot when I met him, all his friends did, I decided okay as long as its not around my kids, right? Well, the relationship progressed and we moved in together. Naively, I thought "well he knows I wont have it around my kids so he will not do it in the house" WRONG. He insisted it was his house too, that I knew he had this habit before, etc. Once, ONLY once, (that I knew of) did he do anything stronger than pot and we had a huge discussion about it because it scared me how different he was. I understand, you met him this way, you two have been through a lot and you feel asking him to stop now is being perhaps hypocritical, but we are talking about getting someone help who needs it. If you met someone who had depression to a certain degree, that is one thing, but if after dating them for some time, say a couple years, and they progressed worse, you would want to get them help, right? You would not sit back and say "I hope he gets better" if you saw things are worse, correct? So if you can, consider that angle of this situation. Yes, he does pot, but it has progressed to a worse situation, one that you CANNOT risk with your children. They are everything to you, you are not saying you don't want him, just that you want him to be well for all of you to enjoy him. Does that make sense? I really feel for you, but your children have to come first.
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