The tables have turned

[Dre1978]

Hello first of all and thank you for reading this, I(34) want to get the mother(30) of my baby back and I am not sure what I should do.

 

So here is the back story. I met her 2 years ago during summer, she had just broken out of a 8 year relationship where she got brutally betrayed and was very hurt. We dated very lightly for a couple months, we had fun she is a great girl. But I was starting my college full time again and did not want any serious relationship. As soon as classes started things faded and we barely talked for a couple weeks. And that is when I got "the call".

 

We met up, she said she was pregnant and having the baby, she also asked if I wanted to try something to which I was very sincere and responded I did not but I was going to be there for everything. I was working full time and going to school full time and had very little time for entertainment, but I made sure that whenever I did something I invited her to come along. We did a lot of things together, movies, dine out, stayed home doing nothing, beach etc...before long she became my best friend but I knew how she felt about me.

 

When she had the baby our relationship got even closer. I slept at her house everyday to help with baby, I gave all my extra time to them. But we maintained our relationship as friends only. I knew sometimes she was sad and it was because we weren't together as she would have liked but still I rarely did anything that wasn't with her.

 

When our baby as 6 months old she came to me and asked if I thought about us, and If I ever wanted to be together. But I knew inside I was not prepared to make anyone happy, my past relationships had shown me I needed to be ready to love instead of lonely. Also my student life would be hard for her to live with, I had limited money, and could not do normal things couples usually do. And lastly but very important I did not think I liked her more than I friend even that I was attracted to her.

 

The conversation was very hard, I could see she was hurt and we were spending 100% of our free time together with the baby. I had been sleeping on her couch for months and only slept home on the days she was off from work. I did everything to make her life better and easier. But emotionally I wasn't there for her. And saying no this second time really hurt me inside. She said she felt lonely and really needed someone in her life, and I told her I did not wanted to ruin our future by trying something now when I was not ready, and that I was scared that she would find someone else but I felt there was nothing I could do.

 

We went back to our normal life but I noticed her becoming more distant, and all of a sudden she started really worrying about her phone and txt messages. Always checking last thing at night and first thing in the morning. That is when it hit me I was going to lose her, after almost 2 years together, I acted like I loved her, and the felling grew without me noticing it. I waited a couple weeks and found out about a guy she was seeing. So I decided to come and tell her how I was feeling and wanted to be with her as a couple, and that if she felt the same way I would give her time to cut ties with the other guy.

 

So after a week or so we started, our life became a mess. Her schedule and mine are chaotic at the moment and staying together made it worst. We only worked ( studied ) and came home to our son. It felt like jumping straight into a the part of a relationship that is no fun anymore. We both share the love of our son, we have a great time with him, she is a awesome mother and I like to think I am a good father too. But this wasn't enough, I felt her cold, different than what I thought someone who had been waiting for this for 2 years would have been.

 

So one day only about 2-3 months after we had started she came home, barely said hi and started texting someone. I was really unhappy with her lack of trying to make the relationship better and that made me feel awful. She went to give our son a bath and I made the worst mistake of checking her phone to see who she was txting . It was her ex, the one who betrayed her, she had already told me their were friends and talked eventually mostly because she took care of her son and they lived for so long together. she wasn't angry with him anymore she just didn't care and was ok being friends.

 

The problem is that she saw me with her phone, and things got bad. I was really mad and told her about my feeling, of her being cold and unhappy which made me unhappy. I told her I couldn't live like this because it made me insecure and ruined my focus in school. I wanted her to tell me about what was the problem.

 

She said she had being waiting to feel about me the same way she felt a long time ago, before the baby was born, and that she couldn't. She didnt know what she wanted anymore. But she had been feeling like having a relationship was not what she needed right now. She had being dating ever since 15, no stop with 3 different guys, none of them good, and never had time for herself. Now for the first time, she was mature, had a good job and money, a baby, and wanted to be able to live without having to worry about telling someone what she was doing or going. And be able to go Surf and do her things.

 

This was around a month ago, I talked to her once more a week ago about how she was feeling, and she said she thinks she did the right thing. We still see each other everyday and spend a lot time together but more and more she is saying no when I invite her to do something. I feel like I am losing my GF and best friend

 

I have been trying to be around her the most I can, take her to do fun things if possible and just be with the baby. Which we love very much and have the best time with him.

 

I just don't know if I should keep trying or give her her space completely. I also asked if there was someone else, which is the same thing she had asked me 4 months ago...she said no, but that there as a guy interested in her.

 

I don't know what to do, I love my baby and I know we would be a good couple together.

[aisuru]

I'm sorry. You're are in a difficult position.

 

I think sometimes we think we're in love because we're so comfortable with somebody who has become a habit and such a large part of our lives. So when they pull away, we feel a void, and create a false reality/history to justify our feelings of hurt.

 

Give deep thought to your original hesitation over such a long period time and ask yourself honestly if this is about losing the love of your life or your current best friend? You don't even have to answer here.

 

I've had to ask myself this very tough question over the past few days...

 

Hang in there.

[Dre1978]

Thank you, I think I really need to think deeply on what really is hurting me so much. It makes things harder that we see each other everyday and I just want to hug her while she seems to be growing farther away. I should try to go away for a few days and put my head in place.

 

Thank you again

[HuffmanMontana]

Let her go. You broke her heart and she needs to play the field.