psm04 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 So I have been doing really good, ignoring OMM at work and just trying to live my life. I still had thoughts of him often, but that was ok. Anyway, a few weeks ago, a few of us had planned to go out for drinks after work. I purposely didn't bring his name up since I didn't want to be around him. So, it was planned that away. Anyway, he found out via one of the other ppl about this. So he IMs me at work, and pretty much makes me feel like I'm being put on the stand. He asks me about going out, makes it a point to say that he wasn't invited, and that he hopes that it was an accident that he was left out (with a smiley face). Keep in mind that he is already going out tomorrow night with other coworkers, and I am choosing to not go to that one. He doesn't care about that, never even asked me how I was doing, and was honestly acting like a whiny you know what. I'm pissed that he doesn't have enough respect for me to just leave me alone. He already knew that we were going from someone else, but he just wanted to question me about it, which he has done in the past. I mean, 2 months since the affair has been over, and 3 weeks of NC, which I was so looking forward to making a month, and he just acts like he has no idea why he wasn't invited to this outing, and says what's up to me. I'm like, are you for real? It's because I can't be around you and look at you as just a co-worker!! Especially when alcohol is involved! I feel like I'm back at square one. I am not thinking that I love him or anything, but there was something about that message at work today that brought me back to square one. He was formal about the hi (addressing me by name which he didn't use to do since we were always talking) and the whole questioning and acting like I'm just his work buddy was just too much. I guess he is over me and has moved on. Or he needs help. It doesn't matter. I'm just upset and I feel like I have to start counting the days of NC again. Part of me wants to email him or ask him why he would do this, but I know pretty much all of you will tell me not to. Please tell me that not bringing any of this up to him is the right thing to do. I'm afraid of saying something to him that I'm going to regret. Thanks for listening.
whichwayisup Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 . Anyway, he found out via one of the other ppl about this. So he IMs me at work, and pretty much makes me feel like I'm being put on the stand. He asks me about going out, makes it a point to say that he wasn't invited, and that he hopes that it was an accident that he was left out (with a smiley face). Keep in mind that he is already going out tomorrow night with other coworkers, and I am choosing to not go to that one. He doesn't care about that, never even asked me how I was doing, and was honestly acting like a whiny you know what. You're right about that. And he's being a jerk. HE KNOWS WHY he wasn't invited and he has some pretty big greasy balls to actually IM you and bring up that he wasn't invited. Don't bother replying and just ignore him. If you talk to him, tell him anything it just reaffirms in HIS mind that he can control you. You have to pretend that everything is OK, fake it, even if it kills you inside. This is all an ego thing now and he likes to know that he has such an affect on you. 2
GreyhoundtoNowhere Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 no one responded to my post, heh, but i hate seeing someone reaching out and not helping--- that being said... i'm sorry you're feeling this way right now. i know you've come a long way in getting past your feelings. don't let him and his ego get in the way of your progress. he is being selfish. stay strong. 1
DelusionalOne Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 So I have been doing really good, ignoring OMM at work and just trying to live my life. I still had thoughts of him often, but that was ok. Anyway, a few weeks ago, a few of us had planned to go out for drinks after work. I purposely didn't bring his name up since I didn't want to be around him. So, it was planned that away. Anyway, he found out via one of the other ppl about this. So he IMs me at work, and pretty much makes me feel like I'm being put on the stand. He asks me about going out, makes it a point to say that he wasn't invited, and that he hopes that it was an accident that he was left out (with a smiley face). Keep in mind that he is already going out tomorrow night with other coworkers, and I am choosing to not go to that one. He doesn't care about that, never even asked me how I was doing, and was honestly acting like a whiny you know what. I'm pissed that he doesn't have enough respect for me to just leave me alone. He already knew that we were going from someone else, but he just wanted to question me about it, which he has done in the past. I mean, 2 months since the affair has been over, and 3 weeks of NC, which I was so looking forward to making a month, and he just acts like he has no idea why he wasn't invited to this outing, and says what's up to me. I'm like, are you for real? It's because I can't be around you and look at you as just a co-worker!! Especially when alcohol is involved! I feel like I'm back at square one. I am not thinking that I love him or anything, but there was something about that message at work today that brought me back to square one. He was formal about the hi (addressing me by name which he didn't use to do since we were always talking) and the whole questioning and acting like I'm just his work buddy was just too much. I guess he is over me and has moved on. Or he needs help. It doesn't matter. I'm just upset and I feel like I have to start counting the days of NC again. Part of me wants to email him or ask him why he would do this, but I know pretty much all of you will tell me not to. Please tell me that not bringing any of this up to him is the right thing to do. I'm afraid of saying something to him that I'm going to regret. Thanks for listening. This is pretty much how I felt yesterday when xMM came up with some lame ass excuse to contact me. It has thrown me more than a bit. I just don't understand why they do this... is their ego soooooo fragile and weak that they have to go trolling for stroking? I was pretty pissed yesterday too. Mostly at me. I wouldn't contact him if I were you. That's what he wants. He wants you to reacts. The opposite of love is not hate/anger.... it's indifference. If he can piss you off then he knows he is still in your mind. HELL WILL FREEZE OVER before I let the xMM know how much he hurt me...or that I still think about him or that I miss him terribly. I will take THAT to the grave. Until I reach the point of indifference.... I wear my poker face and am cold but professional. I would rather he think I am a cold, heartless bitch that hates him than him thinking I love and miss him. DON'T subject yourself to social torture, but don't let him see that he gets to you. DON'T give him that power. 1
Mickey_Fitzpatrick Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 He's insulted. His feelings are hurt. Maybe you misunderstood the agreement between the two of you. He agrees to have no contact with you, and you agree to pine away for him forever. Any sign that you are getting over him likely will spur his interest. I would interpret his message as saying he wants you to invite him, just so he can feel secure that you will be there for him to fall back on in case things don't work out at home. If you actually told him you didn't invite him because you're still in love with him or it's too painful or you're not over him or whatever other euphemism you use, he may be happy enough from hearing that and not worry about going. If he thinks you're really getting over him, if you tell him you've got your eye on that guy in the other department, or any other guy for that matter, that will drive him crazy and he will find a way to get there. If that happens, I bet at some point he makes a move on you. 3
Praying4Peace Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 He's insulted. His feelings are hurt. Maybe you misunderstood the agreement between the two of you. He agrees to have no contact with you, and you agree to pine away for him forever. Any sign that you are getting over him likely will spur his interest. . :laugh::laugh: This made me laugh, its so true! Thanks MF.
Author psm04 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 You're right about that. And he's being a jerk. HE KNOWS WHY he wasn't invited and he has some pretty big greasy balls to actually IM you and bring up that he wasn't invited. Don't bother replying and just ignore him. If you talk to him, tell him anything it just reaffirms in HIS mind that he can control you. You have to pretend that everything is OK, fake it, even if it kills you inside. This is all an ego thing now and he likes to know that he has such an affect on you. Thank you, yes I agree that it is an ego thing. Since it was instant messaging, I responded with short statements at that time, but yeah, I am not going to email him or ask him about anything. He can get reaffirmation from his wife that he's never planning on leaving. 1
Author psm04 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 no one responded to my post, heh, but i hate seeing someone reaching out and not helping--- that being said... i'm sorry you're feeling this way right now. i know you've come a long way in getting past your feelings. don't let him and his ego get in the way of your progress. he is being selfish. stay strong. Thank you. I'm trying to stay strong. I'm definitely stronger than I was a couple of months ago. I just hope he doesn't try to talk to me about anything anymore!
Author psm04 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 This is pretty much how I felt yesterday when xMM came up with some lame ass excuse to contact me. It has thrown me more than a bit. I just don't understand why they do this... is their ego soooooo fragile and weak that they have to go trolling for stroking? I was pretty pissed yesterday too. Mostly at me. I wouldn't contact him if I were you. That's what he wants. He wants you to reacts. The opposite of love is not hate/anger.... it's indifference. If he can piss you off then he knows he is still in your mind. HELL WILL FREEZE OVER before I let the xMM know how much he hurt me...or that I still think about him or that I miss him terribly. I will take THAT to the grave. Until I reach the point of indifference.... I wear my poker face and am cold but professional. I would rather he think I am a cold, heartless bitch that hates him than him thinking I love and miss him. DON'T subject yourself to social torture, but don't let him see that he gets to you. DON'T give him that power. It's funny, I was telling my best friend something similar to the bold statement in your response. Same here. And, isn't it also funny, how they say or do something jerky, and we end up feeling pissed at ourselves? My xOMM did this kind of crap a lot when we were talking and in our A. At that time, I guess I was willing to look past it, but now, if he and I were both to get divorces and end up together, his insecurity and negative behavior would have driven me insane! In some ways, today's interaction is going to help me move in a more positive direction. After the way he acted in a completely selfish manner to me, any spark that I still had for him has died.
Author psm04 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 He's insulted. His feelings are hurt. Maybe you misunderstood the agreement between the two of you. He agrees to have no contact with you, and you agree to pine away for him forever. Any sign that you are getting over him likely will spur his interest. I would interpret his message as saying he wants you to invite him, just so he can feel secure that you will be there for him to fall back on in case things don't work out at home. If you actually told him you didn't invite him because you're still in love with him or it's too painful or you're not over him or whatever other euphemism you use, he may be happy enough from hearing that and not worry about going. If he thinks you're really getting over him, if you tell him you've got your eye on that guy in the other department, or any other guy for that matter, that will drive him crazy and he will find a way to get there. If that happens, I bet at some point he makes a move on you. Well, I'm tired of making him feel secure. His wife, who he claimed to be his best friend, should provide him with that. I did for 2 years, learned my lesson and am moving on. And no, I don't want him to make a move on me. I want to stay in my M. My husband is a very secure person (without being snooty), and I didn't realize how important that quality was until today. 1
spice4life Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Well, I'm tired of making him feel secure. His wife, who he claimed to be his best friend, should provide him with that. I did for 2 years, learned my lesson and am moving on. And no, I don't want him to make a move on me. I want to stay in my M. My husband is a very secure person (without being snooty), and I didn't realize how important that quality was until today. Good for you psm04! I've been following your story and I think you're definitely on the road to cutting yourself loose from this guy. Stick to it and you will be fine! There will be moments of weakness, but it's like quitting smoking - it will pass.
Author psm04 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Good for you psm04! I've been following your story and I think you're definitely on the road to cutting yourself loose from this guy. Stick to it and you will be fine! There will be moments of weakness, but it's like quitting smoking - it will pass. Thank you for following my story! It doesn't even make sense to me sometimes lol. Yes, I'm definitely sticking to it. He has no idea how that one minute conversation has been helping me to get over him even more. After me feeling upset initially of course. So glad I did not call him out on anything like I wanted to.
Summer Breeze Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 What you have done is truly remarkable and shows a lot of strength and determination. Most folks cannot get out unless there is a d-day. Keep it up! Pierre. I don't want you to take this the wrong way. I don't want to have an A with you but I'm going to give you some external validation. Excellent post Man! You deserve a bunny or even two :bunny:. Joking aside OP. Be pissed off and build on it. Draw strength from it. 1
Author psm04 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 What you have done is truly remarkable and shows a lot of strength and determination. Most folks cannot get out unless there is a d-day. Keep it up! I can't believe my eyes, lol! But seriously, thanks. Very determined to keep it up.
Author psm04 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Be pissed off and build on it. Draw strength from it. I'll be very happy the day when he doesn't even piss me off or make me feel anything. He could say whatever he wants to me, and it will not phase me. That's my dream, anyway :-) 2
Summer Breeze Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I have learned to live without external validation and it is liberating. Just ask psm04.:laugh: I have too Pierre but needed to joke around a little. Hey, no thank you for the bunnies! OP saw your response about feeling nothing one day. Good for you but for now use the anger to your advantage! It's a huge step for you. 1
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