Egychick Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Just now, my ex came to my house to pick up his stuff. He came with a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers. And a card that says that he is sorry for the past, and he asks for forgiveness. With his sincere love. He told me he knows he was wrong, and he was crazy for saying he loved me, but attempting to break up with me multiple times, saying he didn't want me. He knows things he did was crazy and he really lost me, he is the fool. He said, he hasn't been able to eat much, and his team mates (he's a footballer) could tell something is disturbing him. He scored 3 goals, the first time in a long time. He said the first person he thought of was me. He called his mother, she told him to go and say sorry for what he did. I told my mother, what he did, she's pissed at him (he was emotionally abusive towards me and controlling--you can look at my last post "he left me for money" I don't feel like writing the whole thing again.) He said that it wasn't my fault that he was late for practice and that he shouldn't have blamed me for not giving him money. He said...maybe God thinks I am good for him, but he is not good for me. He was surprised that in my voice I wasn't begging him back like before. I have been sick to my stomach the last 3days since we broke up, but I have prayed for strength. We have been through at least 4 break ups. He says they were my fault, and he forgave me (but actually, they were things that weren't a big deal, but he found a way to blame me for it.) He finally has realized, he said, that he has to watch the words he says. He cannot say those things anymore. And that if I took him back, then he would watch his words, these things won't happen again. But I cannot take him back. His words and actions were psychologically damaging to me. It scared me. It hurt my heart to the point, my love and trust changed. I still love him, and care about him. But my heart is now guarded. My mother knows about it, and if I went back to him, it would kill her. I can't do that to her, I love her too much. He didn't want to take the rest of his stuff, he didn't want to leave. He said he would come back, if I accepted him back. But he can't beg anymore. Some how i stayed strong, some how i didn't cry. I felt numb. I was thrown by the flowers, I didn't expect it. He has a lot of stuff, so he will get the rest tomorrow, and I will get my stuff too from him. I just don't know how to feel or what to think? I forgive him, but is it sincere? Is it a sincere apology? Is it a ploy? Would he really change? I told him, maybe it's best we change when we are apart, because we weren't changing while we were together. In my words...he knew I was done...he never heard me speak like that before. I always begged and cried and never gave up. Now I did...I don't know if I did the right thing...but if God for the 1st time in my life, gave me this much strength, it must be meant to be. What do you think? Am I doing the right thing?
coachcomeback Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 well first I have to say... I know how much we love our mother's but in the end you have to base you decision on YOU... regardless of how you think it will hurt your mom... or anybody else for that matter. With that said... you really don't need to ask anyone if you are doing anything right or wrong. If it "feels" right to YOU... then it IS right! Always take care of you first. You are not obligated to do anything. If later you feel like you want to give it another go... you have that right. Just dont do it with the hopes that he will change AFTER. If this is #4 like you said... No amount of sorry can change consistent behavior. Yes his apology could very well be sincere. I am sure he has strong feelings for you. But that does not change the actions that happen. Wanting to do something and actually doing it is two different things! I WANT to work out every day. I am sincere when I write out my workout plan every night. Come morning time... different story lol
SalientPoint Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Just now, my ex came to my house to pick up his stuff. He came with a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers. And a card that says that he is sorry for the past, and he asks for forgiveness. With his sincere love. He told me he knows he was wrong, and he was crazy for saying he loved me, but attempting to break up with me multiple times, saying he didn't want me. He knows things he did was crazy and he really lost me, he is the fool. He said, he hasn't been able to eat much, and his team mates (he's a footballer) could tell something is disturbing him. He scored 3 goals, the first time in a long time. He said the first person he thought of was me. He called his mother, she told him to go and say sorry for what he did. I told my mother, what he did, she's pissed at him (he was emotionally abusive towards me and controlling--you can look at my last post "he left me for money" I don't feel like writing the whole thing again.) He said that it wasn't my fault that he was late for practice and that he shouldn't have blamed me for not giving him money. He said...maybe God thinks I am good for him, but he is not good for me. He was surprised that in my voice I wasn't begging him back like before. I have been sick to my stomach the last 3days since we broke up, but I have prayed for strength. We have been through at least 4 break ups. He says they were my fault, and he forgave me (but actually, they were things that weren't a big deal, but he found a way to blame me for it.) He finally has realized, he said, that he has to watch the words he says. He cannot say those things anymore. And that if I took him back, then he would watch his words, these things won't happen again. But I cannot take him back. His words and actions were psychologically damaging to me. It scared me. It hurt my heart to the point, my love and trust changed. I still love him, and care about him. But my heart is now guarded. My mother knows about it, and if I went back to him, it would kill her. I can't do that to her, I love her too much. He didn't want to take the rest of his stuff, he didn't want to leave. He said he would come back, if I accepted him back. But he can't beg anymore. Some how i stayed strong, some how i didn't cry. I felt numb. I was thrown by the flowers, I didn't expect it. He has a lot of stuff, so he will get the rest tomorrow, and I will get my stuff too from him. I just don't know how to feel or what to think? I forgive him, but is it sincere? Is it a sincere apology? Is it a ploy? Would he really change? I told him, maybe it's best we change when we are apart, because we weren't changing while we were together. In my words...he knew I was done...he never heard me speak like that before. I always begged and cried and never gave up. Now I did...I don't know if I did the right thing...but if God for the 1st time in my life, gave me this much strength, it must be meant to be. What do you think? Am I doing the right thing? I read your other post and you are ABSOLUTELY doing the right thing. This guy sounds like he is not boyfriend material and you definitely deserve someone more respectful. I fully applaud your decision and am very impressed about how maturely you handled it. Good for you!
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