What the hell????

[WhatamIdoingwrong]

Hi all, so, I will try and keep my story brief, but I need to include some details, so bear with me.

 

I have a 7 year old son from a relationship that lasted around 7 years and ended 3 years ago. after 2 years of recovering, re finding myself etc, I joined an online dating site, had a few dates etc, and then met a girl who blew me away. We had a whirlwind romance (2 months from start to finish), I moved in, and she fell pregnant. She then kicked me out and very quickly it became apparent that I was essentially a sperm donor for someone who was desperate for a baby. I was devastated, and went into counselling, hit complete rock bottom (this is a phrase thats used too lightly IMO), I considered suicide and couldnt get out of bed.

 

After hitting the bottom I realised there is no way but up left to go, and concentrated on myself. I got fitter, healthier, changed my outlook and continued self help and counselling. Finally, this spring, I accepted that my ex didnt want anything to do with me (the last I heard was in Sept when she told me she didnt want me).

 

I also accepted being single was ok, and started socialising again. 2 months ago, At a friends party, I glanced across the room and saw a beautiful woman who seemed to be catching my eye at the same time. We got talking and we both fell in love instantly. She was everything I wanted and vice versa. I started staying over regularly and we had an amazing time, sexually, we were on fire, emotionally, we clicked, we just.....worked.

 

I then went away on a pre booked holiday, and when I came back she was suddenly very busy with work. I found this difficult, and we had a couple of disagreements about it, as I suddenly felt neglected. We seemed to sort it out though, and then last weekend we had a big posh do to attend. We had an amazing time, and she constantly kissed, held, hugged me, told me she loved me, and I was on cloud 9.

 

We got home, started getting hot and heavy, and then she dropped the bombshell. "I dont love you, I thought I did, I want to, but I dont. I dont want to be with you". I did the usual crying and begging (I know, I know), but she asked me to leave. So in the space of 2 hours we had gone from sexy, loved up couple, to loveless and essentially a lie.

 

The next day a mutual friend told me that my ex-gf had spotted cracks a month ago, but glossed over, and continued to make plans in the hope of it all being ok, but it just wasnt.

 

What the hell am I doing wrong, people???

 

I am told I fall too quick, but if a girl REALLY shows interest and tells you she sees you as her future, what can you do?

 

Every gf I have had, I cook for, buy flowers, silly gifts/notes etc, I LOVE being romantic, and they seem to want that, then it all comes crashing down and I am left feeling like a complete idiot.

 

Please help so I dont make this mistake again :-(

 

We

[mtnbiker3000]

Hate to say it, but women often say they want a sweet man when in reality they get tired/bored of it really quickly. It's weird, but it seems to be what I have noticed. Or maybe you just lay it on too thick... Who really knows??

[soccerrprp]

Or maybe you just lay it on too thick... Who really knows??

 

I've never met a woman that didn't appreciate the things the OP says he did. I also don't know much more than what the OP has shared. It sounds like the ladies were treated like goddesses, but there's certainly and likely more to it.

 

Are you insecure? Too clingy? Smothering perhaps?

 

I know it sucks, but try to go back and objectively analyze what could have been the issue if you've been showering these ladies with goodness.

[imtooconfused]

There's a difference between being nice (which anyone would like) and being a clingy pushover (which is generally considered a turn-off). Everyone likes a challenge, a mystery, something a bit out of reach that takes some measure of effort.

 

Also, you might be putting a bit too much emphasis on a woman being the "one-and-only" before both of you are really certain about that. If you go into a relationship expecting it to be your last, this will cause the relationship to have more pressure than it can really handle.

[WhatamIdoingwrong]

Thanks for your replies so far guys.

 

The only thing thats "more to it" is, yes from the start it has gone from meeting/date 1, to full blown in bed relationship VERY quickly (Always at THEIR pace, I would never push for that).

 

After last year, I was determined to not repeat my mistakes of falling to quickly, so when I met my ex at the party, I tried to play it cool for a while, turning her down for evenings etc, not staying over, but she was so keen, assured me she wasnt going anywhere, and told me she knew I was the one, thus melting my heart and me giving in.

 

I was bought up very traditionally, and yes, thats what I want, to settle down and marry, for life. Not for a year or 2, for LIFE. On 3 occasions I have thought that I was doing just that, and on the most recent 2, ive got it so so wrong.

 

Ive never been told I am clingy, but I am insecure. Since last year, I do worry and get anxious about everything. I ask for simple reassurance, and with my most recent ex, she was amazing at giving it. She finally made me realise she wasnt going anywhere, I believed her and started to relax, and then BANG. She left me.

 

How do I move forwad?

[WhatamIdoingwrong]

Thanks rosas. I'm not sure growing up is something I need to do, as the fact that I don't want meaningless flings etc surely shows that I am a mature man! Maybe I'm wrong.

 

I have sought feedback, and generally it is 2 things: I fall in love too easily, and I pick girls that are no good.

 

I just wish I knew how to break this cycle. I'm so depressed

[WhatamIdoingwrong]

So, it was a week ago today (well, tonight) that she left me, and im struggling. Weve been NC for 6 days, and I thought it would be easier, but im still hovering over my phone, re reading all the loving messages (I cant bear to delete them), and still miss her. When I wake up is the worst, I am literally frozen to my bed, aching to have her next to me, with her perfume in the air, her hands on my skin, her good morning kisses.

 

I keep wanting to text, and am actually surprised she hasnt contacted me, she used to always text, lots, and last night had a big event which I thought she wouldve wanted to tell me about. It just hurts.

 

And this is going to sound shallow, but I REALLY miss the physical stuff, not the literal sex, but the curves of her body, the way she did certain things, the way we tangled our legs together in bed, the way she would rest her head on my chest.....man im getting upset now....

 

Need some support guys

[WhatamIdoingwrong]

Day 7 of nc.....DESPERATE to reach out to her...keep thinking about driving to her place, or going to see her family...I just feel like I need some breadcrumbs....

 

Argh!