carteblanche Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Background: I was the dumpee in a 2 year relationship. It seems to have been a case of G.I.G.S. BU happened in early November, but I (stupidly) didn't initiate NC until late February. Since then, I'm up to around 70 days NC - pure radio silence. I've tried to focus on myself in the mean time and improve what needed to be improved. I've lost a little over 50 pounds, am down to about 14% body fat, and am beginning to gain more muscle. My confidence still isn't anywhere near what it was pre-relationship, but it's getting better, and any progress is better than no progress. But today's message threw me through a hoop - when it really shouldn't have. It wasn't about anything particularly important - she just wanted to see if I could return a floor lamp she left at my place. I applied NC protocol and briefly replied that I'd send it via UPS. She thanked me and said that she honestly hopes I'm doing well (she repeated that crap a few times throughout her message). End of exchange. It's just that the message just intensified a lot of negative emotions. Not a day goes by when I don't feel some bitterness towards what happened, but I've been better about not dwelling on it. Today reversed that, and all I can think about is the fact that she values a f*cking lamp more than our 2 years together. At least that feeling should come in handy today at the gym. Well, it was nice to get that off my chest. I just don't want this to become an emotional setback. I'd appreciate any insights/comments. Thanks!
Leegh Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Yes, it can be hard to hear from an ex again, it stirs up all kinds of feelings. But just try to take a day at a time, and things will get better.
aisuru Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 UGH. I'm sorry. I cannot even begin to imagine asking for any of my belongings back 6 months after a BU. What's gone is gone. I realized that the dress I wore on NYE is still at my ex's and I realized when I gave him his keys back, he didn't give me mine!!! I'll be damned if I ask for them back. I just paid to change my locks. 1
heartshapedrocks Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Congrats on taking care of yourself and losing the weight, hitting the gym... those are huge accomplishments!! Yeah it stinks her calling about a lamp, makes me wonder if it was a fishing expedition, but maybe it was a special lamp??? My ex pulled stunts like that. I would have done exactly what you did. Take the high road then be irritated for a few hours or maybe a day. It will pass though. Stay strong. It felt good not reacting or dwelling on it. Hang in there....hopefully there will be no more hey I forgot requests.
denxnis Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 She wasn't interested in the lamp, she was interested in seeing how you are doing. 1
PennGuy Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Funny you mention her wanting back a personal belonging months and months after things ended. My ex texted me last week after a very very long period of silence wondering about a spare key I had to the place we shared and a joint checking account that no longer has any cash in it that is still open. I don't have a checkbook for it and she knows that....so there's no way for me to screw her and overdraft it.....and the key? Really? I've pretty much have been the best ex ever. I moved out and that was that. I haven't seen her since then. It's been 7 months and 6 since I got my things out and now your concerned about an extra key I had? You could've went to the bank at any point and taken your name off of the account. The difference here is she never asked how I was doing or even opened the convo with a hello. Just straight into needing things from me like we were still together or she just didn't care about anything else but that key and that stupid account. 1
richard9 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Yeah my ex did that over several things, I did like you did and sent them all through the post, even though she live locally and one of them was big and must have weighed at least 15kg, man that was a pain in the ass to send off! Expensive aswell but I was gonna be damned if I was going to see her and let her get her claws back into me after all the hurt. She would have no doubt acted as if we were best friends or something. Its a way for them to initiate contact and try get you back in their lives as friends either because they miss us or because they feel guilty. You handled it just right and kept your dignity, well done! It threw me off healing with every text until I changed my number, might be something worth considering? Difficult at first, its closing another window into her life but feels better down the line trust me. Good that you're hitting the gym, use it to train harder. Dont let her immature actions get to you. She has no buisness asking anything from you, shes the one that threw it away. Good luck man
eucalyptus Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I had the same thing happen to me. She ended it and then sent a text a month or so later asking for some really stupid stuff back. I had been in NC mode for about a month at that point and was very brief with my response. I got the "hope you're doing well" thing as well. I'm not sure if this was a fishing expedition or not, as I later learned she had been in a relationship for about two weeks at that point. However, it did feel good to not react outwardly to her text. I think it's hard for anyone to not read into this type of situation. More than likely it's more selfish behavior on their part. Meaning, "I'd like my insignificant stuff back, even though I'm pretty sure that this request is going to affect your closure process. And, while I'm at it, I'd also like to know how your handling all of this, because my new situation isn't really that great either." I know that may sound kind of jaded/angry, but I guess I wouldn't be on this site if I didn't need to vent to some degree..STAY STRONG!
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