SerCay Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 For those of you who have read (some of) my previous threads, I broke up with my a-hole ex...and I sticked to it this time yayyy, so its been over for quite some time now. However... because I was with him for so long, 3 yrs, and prior to that a 2 yrs of casual dating, I have completely isolated myself..because the constant troubles of the r-ship i couldnt find the focus and strength to build and keep social contacts outside of the relationship Im having a really hard time coping with the time i have to spend on my own right now..I know I have to build up social contacts again but i really want to recover first, i really need this..on the other hand the loneliness is killing me! How did you guys cope with this? 1
richard9 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 I was / am in the same position, I thought I had everything I needed in my ex, she was also my only friend as I devoted myself entirely to her. I did not spend time with my other friends and they drifted away. By the time she left me I had no one, my family were there but thats different than having friends to spend time with. Ive joined a gym and a club and have met new people but I still have no one realy to hang around with, like I did with my ex. It is the hardest path to walk because I think if you have friends they can help you heal, going through this on your own when you are already feeling the hurt is very difficult. To be honest I spend a lot of time now watching movies, playing video games and reading. Not ideal, I miss having a close friend but thats where I am. I push myself to get out as often as I can, gym and mma are great healers. Listen to upbeat music. It wont be the same but you kind of come to accept it, and start to heal. Im starting college again in september and hoping to meet a new set of friends there. Good luck and try to get out and meet people where you can, they wont turn into best friends overnight, and it hurts to not feel that connection right away, but familiarity grows. 2
Author SerCay Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 I was / am in the same position, I thought I had everything I needed in my ex, she was also my only friend as I devoted myself entirely to her. I did not spend time with my other friends and they drifted away. By the time she left me I had no one, my family were there but thats different than having friends to spend time with. Ive joined a gym and a club and have met new people but I still have no one realy to hang around with, like I did with my ex. It is the hardest path to walk because I think if you have friends they can help you heal, going through this on your own when you are already feeling the hurt is very difficult. To be honest I spend a lot of time now watching movies, playing video games and reading. Not ideal, I miss having a close friend but thats where I am. I push myself to get out as often as I can, gym and mma are great healers. Listen to upbeat music. It wont be the same but you kind of come to accept it, and start to heal. Im starting college again in september and hoping to meet a new set of friends there. Good luck and try to get out and meet people where you can, they wont turn into best friends overnight, and it hurts to not feel that connection right away, but familiarity grows. exactly, its the connection to a person I really miss...before I used to have best female friends and whenever i felt blue we would go out, go out for dinner etc.. since ive lost that all, i have to rebuild it. And rebuilding in this state of mind just exhaust me when even thinking of the thought of it..pfff like a vicious circle. Tbh thats one of the main reasons I used to go back with my ex every time.. for the friendship and connection
richard9 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 exactly, its the connection to a person I really miss...before I used to have best female friends and whenever i felt blue we would go out, go out for dinner etc.. since ive lost that all, i have to rebuild it. And rebuilding in this state of mind just exhaust me when even thinking of the thought of it..pfff like a vicious circle. Tbh thats one of the main reasons I used to go back with my ex every time.. for the friendship and connection The way I think of it is that I am worth more than been treated like crap, I would never go back to my ex after the way she treated me towards the end of the relationship, I have more self respect than that. Also if I can get through this with no friends to help me move on, yes it will be harder, yes it will take longer, but im going to be stronger as a result. Im really going to have that time alone to soul search, and when I am over her, I really will be over her, and ill have found the strength within MYSELF to do so. It is however a very lonely road, filled with memories of better times (i say better but reflect, were they really? were the good times worth the bad?) and it is hard. Stay true to yourself, do not become bitter, do not become depressed and let your ex win. Find strength from within and congratulate yourself that you are getting through this alone. Also get a membership to lovefilm or blockbuster lol When you are ready you will get out more and join a club or something and meet people, and with time frienships will come im sure. But first become strong in yourself and happy with or without friends, your happiness doesnt have to depend on others. I used to get really lonely but now even without a close friend I am feeling not too bad. Im still breathing and I can still enjoy the little things life has to offer on my own and I know it wont always be like this. Just a few more thoughts. 1
Author SerCay Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 The way I think of it is that I am worth more than been treated like crap, I would never go back to my ex after the way she treated me towards the end of the relationship, I have more self respect than that. Also if I can get through this with no friends to help me move on, yes it will be harder, yes it will take longer, but im going to be stronger as a result. Im really going to have that time alone to soul search, and when I am over her, I really will be over her, and ill have found the strength within MYSELF to do so. It is however a very lonely road, filled with memories of better times (i say better but reflect, were they really? were the good times worth the bad?) and it is hard. Stay true to yourself, do not become bitter, do not become depressed and let your ex win. Find strength from within and congratulate yourself that you are getting through this alone. Also get a membership to lovefilm or blockbuster lol When you are ready you will get out more and join a club or something and meet people, and with time frienships will come im sure. But first become strong in yourself and happy with or without friends, your happiness doesnt have to depend on others. I used to get really lonely but now even without a close friend I am feeling not too bad. Im still breathing and I can still enjoy the little things life has to offer on my own and I know it wont always be like this. Just a few more thoughts. lol I got myself a membership yes, I'm also planning on buying a game console to keep distracted when home haha.. Im aware it will be lonely, I just feel like its better for me this way, just like you say, to make it out here on my own first before starting ''life'' again
portableversion Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I like what was said here in this thread, I was with my ex for 17 yrs and we have 2 kids. We moved a lot and just like the other poster said I only had her anyone I knew has mostly drifted away or they live far away and/or both. Yeah all I ever wanted was to come home to my family and the friends became a distant memory of highschool and college. The loneliness has been crushing but im getting used to it, though I can safely say I don't like it. My gym membership was paid for by my old employer once he fired me I lost it and I can t afford it, I can only afford smokes , gas and trips to grocery store. Even if I quit smoking it wont really launch me into the life of thrills travel and adventure. Ive gotten more into reading and journaling, and since pot and alcohol became a problem in my marriage ive dove into aa. Its been slow but im slowly making friends, I got invited to a small soiree tomorrow night. Ive really come to depend on aa and church and my secular order of Franciscan meetings, im usually surrounded by folks older than me but ive been trying to make friends with people who are even twice my age. I have no family here these new places are like my new family. many times I goto aa not because im afraid to drink or smoke but because ive got to get out and hear and see other people. We are not meant to be alone but yeah being all sore is no good for anybody. For a few months im sure I was not good company for anybody. heartbreak is just devastating this world has nothing left to toss at me perhaps my mom dying will suck just as bad but who knows, I was brought to my knees, I told people that I was on a spiritual stretcher, then the wheel chair, and then the cane I think im finally getting to where I can walk 1
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