ViciousCycle Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 I'm proud of myself for getting here. My ex and I spoke nearly everyday for the past 3 years or so. Dated for 2 years. Mostly LDR. We knew each other before in person. Saw each other a decent amount. We broke up about two months ago, though nothing felt final until a month ago. At that time I started LC, but now NC. I feel so much better than I did a week ago or a month ago. I am more confident, happy about who I am, and learning more about what made me the man I am today. I have had so much growth in a short amount of time. I am getting in touch with my relationship insecurities. I have been looking for relationships all my adult life. I rush through them trying to create strong feelings with an eye towards settling down. I have never been the one to break up with anyone. I have been the prototypical "nice guy." I constantly try to fix things, including relationships and the people I date. I don't think about myself and my boundaries. I am learning to be more assertive and selfish in a good way. I am learning to put myself first. I was extremely jealous and thought I would be nothing if I lost my relationship. I am here, alive, well, and struggling. But I am learning to be resilient. This has toughened me up so much. I had no backbone before. I am getting in better shape, and I notice it. I have been doing Yoga 3 times a week. It has helped with the stress and makes me feel better about myself. I've taken anxiety pills for the past 8 years. I actually cut my dose in half during this break up because I realized I didn't need it as much. That's the opposite of what I would expect to happen. My struggles now: I wonder what she thinks of me. I wonder if she is ever going to have any remorse for falling for another guy and breaking things off. A small part of me still has hope, and I want that hope to die so I can truly accept the break up. I have taken her down from the pedestal, but I still know there was something good there. I justify the both her and my actions on the circumstances surrounding us, rather than accept that we both did very badly. Also, I am moving back home from a semester in a different city. She just moved back to a nearby city from abroad. We haven't seen each other in five months. We went from thousands of miles apart to an hour and a half drive away in the same state. I'll be back in a few days and the temptation will be to see her since it is so easy. The ONLY way I can do that is if she shows genuine remorse and immense personal growth. There's no way that can happen so quickly. I can't settle for anything less. Anything less and I need to move on. I need to accept things. 5
KPChick000 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 You should be proud! Maintaining NC is no easy task, as evidenced by the posts on this site. I am struggling myself with wondering how my ex feels/what he is thinking. It's been almost 5 weeks NC for me, and there hasn't been a day yet where he didn't cross my mind. I know it's going to take a long time. I just wonder if I ever cross his mind or if certain things trigger a flashback of us, like they do for me. I'll never know the answer. He knows we can't be friends now or anytime soon, so he's also maintaining NC. So, it is what it is. The hard part is abandoning the hope that he will contact me somehow...sometime... Good luck to you
SalientPoint Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Wow you guys are amazing!! I'm on day 6 and I still feel like total crap, 2 and 5 weeks are great progress indicators. You should both feel really proud. At week one I'm still in the stage where stupid triggers get to me. The home depot employee yesterday had the same name as my ex and that was enough to get the tears flowing. I can only hope I'm where you guys are at soon. 1
KPChick000 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Aw salientpoint, You will get to 2 and 5 weeks if you make it a goal and remind yourself why you are doing it. NC is to heal and protect yourself from further unnecessary pain. I won't lie...it has been extremely challenging. Like you, there are triggers everywhere...even seeing the type of car he drives makes me think of him. I still have my weak days where I feel like crying and want to text/call him. And I have to dig deep within myself for the strength not to- what I do is tell myself that saying whatever I have to say may make me feel better but whatever he has to say may destroy me. Going to back to square one again? No thanks. I am sure we will continue to have weak moments, but just be confident that we have it within ourselves to get through them. 1
Author ViciousCycle Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Each day is a battle. There are moments in the day where I feel completely content in who I am and how I feel as a single person. In other moments, I find myself missing what we had and the potential that I thought was there. We're all on slightly different timelines, but the struggle is still going to be there. It's nice to know we're not alone...this community has provided great feedback and comfort. We are going to get through this 2
SalientPoint Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Aw salientpoint, You will get to 2 and 5 weeks if you make it a goal and remind yourself why you are doing it. NC is to heal and protect yourself from further unnecessary pain. I won't lie...it has been extremely challenging. Like you, there are triggers everywhere...even seeing the type of car he drives makes me think of him. I still have my weak days where I feel like crying and want to text/call him. And I have to dig deep within myself for the strength not to- what I do is tell myself that saying whatever I have to say may make me feel better but whatever he has to say may destroy me. Going to back to square one again? No thanks. I am sure we will continue to have weak moments, but just be confident that we have it within ourselves to get through them. Thanks KP! No you are right, and always have good points. I just feel weak all the time, and 5 weeks I feel is a significant and healthy amount of time. I know I'll be there soon enough as time goes on regardless, but the way you handle it seems very mature and cool, calm, collected, and I'm still envious of your self control, but I know what you say is right.
BustedUpInside Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Wow, you sound like you are really working through the emotional process of the break up. I have to admit to being a little envious of how strong and together you sound in this post. Btw, it is totally normal to wonder what others think about you, especially a person that held such an important place in your life. Just like people probably wondering what you think about them. Seriously though, great job!!
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