Louisa Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 My boyfriend and I got together 18 months ago - Its been amazing! Were both early 20's - Before he met me he was quite a depressed person. Friends/family told me how different and happy he is now he was me. So I was shocked a month ago when he told me he was confused, wanted a break and didn't know what he wanted any more. I got hysterical which I know is stupid but it was so out of the blue. (we don't live together but spend most nights together at either his or mine) I gave him as much space as possible and didn't see him for a week or so but we still sent texts. I told him if this relationship is over I can't 'be friends' as I'll need to get over him. Hes been over to mine a few times since-hes always the one asking if he can come-I dont pester to see him. Although I have told him a few times over text 'I miss you' his reply - 'I know, Im sorry' When hes here hes told me he loves me, doesn't want to lose me forever & we still have sex. Hes a little quieter though and told me when on a lads night out he didn't enjoy it, he'd rather spend time alone, I got a little upset at weekend and he said he would do anything to make me happy and thats why 'were giving this relationship one last try' Is it just that the 'honey moon' period is over? Were in a routine and he finds it a bit boring? The excitement of the relationship took his depression away but now its creeping back? Do I stick this out? Or does he want to finish this and not have the guts to tell me because in some way somehow he wants me in his life? I really love him but feel as though I'm walking on egg shells and hes going to turn around and finish it any day.
Author Louisa Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 I really need advice as he has asked to see me tonight and will be setting off within the next two hours xxxx
TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Welcome to your new status: Fu.c.kbuddy. He's confused, needs space, can't commit.... but he still comes over and has sex with you? W - T - F - ?!? Tell him: Unless he will definitely commit, state that you and he are a solid item, and that you are back on track - you can't see him any more, because it's too painful to be involved, not involved and ultra-confused. Sweetheart - he is using you for continued sex without going the whole 9 yards. Don't let him do this - where's your dignity?? 2
Treasa Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Stop having sex with him. Stop having any contact with him. He broke up with you. He was willing to lose you forever, but since you're demonstrating that he can still pull your strings, he's choosing to do so when he wants to. When you tell him he misses you, he says, "I know"?? That's a Han Solo answer, and only Han Solo can pull that **** off and still be charming. Send him a short text saying you won't be meeting up with him. You don't need to tell him why. Get out there and start living your life for you. If someone were to break up with me now, my response would be, "Ok," and if we were physically, I'd immediately leave without another word. You throw me away, I'm not coming back.
CelticGibson Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 You didn't give him space. You kept texting. To give space means just that, nothing, no communication of any kind. Depression does take it's toll on relationships for sure. While he is in this frame of mind, the best thing is to give him as much space as he needs so he can sort himself out and that means not seeing him, talking to him or texting him. In the meantime you should not wait around either because he may not come back wanting to try again. Which leads me to why you are meeting up with him? He knows that you can't be friends and if it's not happening on his end you need to disappear until your emotions are in check and you have moved on. When you got emotional at the weekend, you essentially guilted him unintentionally into "giving the relationship one last try". This is not the sort of language that someone who really wants a relationship would say. My guess is that he would like to have you still in his life but without the commitment of a relationship because he's still willing to have sex with you too. If he is really serious about you and the relationship then you would not be on here looking for advice. You would know for certain that he wants to work on it because he would tell you straight up. Anything to make you happy translates into not making him feel any worse about the break up than he already is because if you were happy about the situation then he wouldn't feel so bad. He has enough to deal with when in a state of depression. My guess is that this is over and to meet up is just prolonging the inevitable... 1
mbee Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Yes, please do not contact him anymore and definitely do not sleep with him. People do this crap when they are confused. I'm going through a similar situation but without the sex. My biggest mistake was to continue talking because it sends a lot of crazy mixed signals and in the end you aren't giving each other the space you both deserve. You'll end up lengthening this out and hurting yourself in the process. I'm sorry to hear your ex is depressed but he knows what he is doing, and right now you are being used and strung along. Leave him alone. Trust me it's tough advice to take, but the last couple of weeks I've been falling into that comfy routine of limited contact and trying to be friendly. It breaks your heart and you will be at the exact same place you are now, except weeks from now. Save yourself the wasted time and end it! If he wants you back he'll do what he needs to do.
flitzanu Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 wanting a break, wanting space, all of that "figure myself out" stuff ju means "i want to bang other people". he is continuing to bang you bc you let him, while he is trying to find someone else to bang.
Zahara Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 I told him if this relationship is over I can't 'be friends' as I'll need to get over him. . So, there is no relationship, because he ended it....but you're still friends, a friend with benefits. So much for standing by your own boundary. You keep putting out even when the man can't even say he misses you. I would be embarassed and repulsed to even allow him to touch me after that. Get the relationship and commitment back first before you have sex with him again. Not the other way around.
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