BenH1000 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Last weekend, I got a girl's number at a bar following a moment where she asked me to take a picture of her and her friends. I texted her later that evening and, over the course of the following few days, we set up a date for Friday night. The problem is – well there are a couple, actually. First, this is essentially a blind date. I barely even remember what this girl looks like, though I do recall her being quite attractive. I know nothing about her, although that adds to the mystery, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I guess I'm wondering if I should call her up tonight to chat for a bit or if it just makes more sense at this point to meet her and go from there? Second problem, and arguably the bigger of the two: I just got out of a 7-month relationship. My ex gf dumped me 3 weeks ago, basically out of the blue. While I'm doing well in terms of moving on, I'll admit that there are times when I think about her and miss her deeply. I'm concerned that this is going to affect things on the first date, like I'll just be comparing this girl the entire time and wishing it was my ex instead. Anyone have any advice around this?
TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Oh this is classic. "Not only do I not remember what she looks like.... but I may just be comparing her to my ex and wishing it was her...." Cancel. In her shoes, if I read that now, I'd slap you. 1
HuffmanMontana Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Last weekend, I got a girl's number at a bar following a moment where she asked me to take a picture of her and her friends. I texted her later that evening and, over the course of the following few days, we set up a date for Friday night. The problem is – well there are a couple, actually. First, this is essentially a blind date. I barely even remember what this girl looks like, though I do recall her being quite attractive. I know nothing about her, although that adds to the mystery, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I guess I'm wondering if I should call her up tonight to chat for a bit or if it just makes more sense at this point to meet her and go from there? Second problem, and arguably the bigger of the two: I just got out of a 7-month relationship. My ex gf dumped me 3 weeks ago, basically out of the blue. While I'm doing well in terms of moving on, I'll admit that there are times when I think about her and miss her deeply. I'm concerned that this is going to affect things on the first date, like I'll just be comparing this girl the entire time and wishing it was my ex instead. Anyone have any advice around this? She's already agreed to meet. All a phone call will do is give her opportunity to change her mind. If it were me. I would take her out for drinks. Something that you both obviously have in common. Just make sure it's somewhere with some background noise/stimulation. I can almost guarantee if you try to take her to dinner, a movie, anything that's going to either result in periods of awkward silence or intense face to face your date is not going to be fun.
Author BenH1000 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 Oh this is classic. "Not only do I not remember what she looks like.... but I may just be comparing her to my ex and wishing it was her...." Cancel. In her shoes, if I read that now, I'd slap you. Not only was this response a waste of my time, it was a waste of yours as well. Congratulations! 1
Author BenH1000 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 She's already agreed to meet. All a phone call will do is give her opportunity to change her mind. If it were me. I would take her out for drinks. Something that you both obviously have in common. Just make sure it's somewhere with some background noise/stimulation. I can almost guarantee if you try to take her to dinner, a movie, anything that's going to either result in periods of awkward silence or intense face to face your date is not going to be fun. Yeah, we're meeting at a quiet bar in the city for drinks. The reason I don't recall what she looks like is we only interacted for literally a minute, and I was a bit tipsy at the time. I'm not too worried though - I'm just going to have her meet me in a specific part of the bar. And good call on phone - that's kind of what I was thinking as well. She's also given no hint that she'd like to talk before meeting, so I think we're both kind of looking at this as "the blinder the better" haha.
TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Not only was this response a waste of my time, it was a waste of yours as well. Congratulations! Really? You don't believe your comments are out of line? How about if the shoe were on the other foot? "I'm supposed to be meeting some random guy I met in a bar, briefly - he took a pic of me and my friends - trouble is, I can barely remember what he looks like, and frankly, all I might do the evening through, is wish it was my ex instead of him, and just compare him all evening...." Wouldn't that make you feel used and a bit resentful? Would you still go out with her knowing her heart wasn't in it?
Author BenH1000 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 Really? You don't believe your comments are out of line? How about if the shoe were on the other foot? "I'm supposed to be meeting some random guy I met in a bar, briefly - he took a pic of me and my friends - trouble is, I can barely remember what he looks like, and frankly, all I might do the evening through, is wish it was my ex instead of him, and just compare him all evening...." Wouldn't that make you feel used and a bit resentful? Would you still go out with her knowing her heart wasn't in it? So a couple things: 1) I wouldn't blame her at all if she couldn't remember what I looked like. Like I mentioned, it was a very brief interaction so I don't see it as a big deal. It's just that it adds to the mystery, which there is already a ton of. 2) I'm not saying I'm going to compare or wish it was my ex. My ex was a ***** in many ways - one of her "friends" even told me I'm "better off without her." I'm just concerned about the possibility that comparisons will come into the picture and any advice for getting around this. I think I'm actually doing a pretty good job moving on, and this includes meeting and dating new women, am I right?
TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 yes. and no. Yes, it's good to get out an meet new ladies. no, it's not, IF and I emphasise the 'if' - you are trying to go out with ladies with the express intention of using your dates with them, to get over your ex. That's unfair. it's called 'rebound dating' and it will invariably lead to comparisons. your heart isn't in it - you're still somewhat hung up on your ex.... 3 weeks is absolutely no time at all, to get over a relationship.... If you're dating purely and simply to go out and have some fun, that would be one thing. But the fact your ex- figured as part of your problem - I'm of the opinion it puts an unfair burden on any young lady.....
Author BenH1000 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 yes. and no. Yes, it's good to get out an meet new ladies. no, it's not, IF and I emphasise the 'if' - you are trying to go out with ladies with the express intention of using your dates with them, to get over your ex. That's unfair. it's called 'rebound dating' and it will invariably lead to comparisons. your heart isn't in it - you're still somewhat hung up on your ex.... 3 weeks is absolutely no time at all, to get over a relationship.... If you're dating purely and simply to go out and have some fun, that would be one thing. But the fact your ex- figured as part of your problem - I'm of the opinion it puts an unfair burden on any young lady..... I am going out simply to have some fun. I think that, until you meet some new "potentials", your ex is always going to be on your mind in some way, yes? I've kind of reached a point where I'm over her and I miss her only because I miss having someone who cares about me. Three weeks might not be enough for some people, but I'm not going to sit around grieving for months and months over someone who didn't give a **** about me.
BluEyeL Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Common, it's just a first date, stop worrying so much, not your soulmate likely. Go, have fun, it's going to help getting over your ex. You might need a rebound too, but it doesn't mean that this girl will be it. Don't take it too seriously. 1
soccerrprp Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Personally, I think TM's first response was hilarious! Admittedly, perhaps not helpful to the OP! But, you have to admit that the OP essentially admitted to such would be the outcome. My first response to the original post was to simply not go, but if she's committed then I would call and get an idea of what she's like. It's actually my policy to "speak" with the person that I am going to meet before meeting. Good luck.
Cutiepie1976 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 (edited) It's a first date, not a marriage proposal. First dates are supposed to be light, fun, exploratory. There are no promises. Go have fun! In your shoes, I would call her and have a conversation before your date. That always works in a guy's favor with me. And I have been in her shoes. How do I know? Met a guy at a party. He was quite tipsy, but he asked for my number. Texted then called the next afternoon and asked for a date. Chatted on the phone every couple of days after that, and on one of his calls, he asked for a photo. We had several great dates. You aren't the first guy to not remember details about someone's appearance. You won't be the last. Hope for the best. Enjoy your date. See where it goes. Edited May 9, 2013 by Cutiepie1976 1
hudson701 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Oh this is classic. "Not only do I not remember what she looks like.... but I may just be comparing her to my ex and wishing it was her...." Cancel. In her shoes, if I read that now, I'd slap you. Lol Jesus, too much! Way overboard with that response. The boy's just been dumped, is a free agent and can do whatever he likes. The fact that its almost a blind date will make it more exciting. Just go for it and enjoy yourself, you only live once! When you're lying on your deathbed I'm sure you won't regret dating when you had the opportunity! At the very least you'll make a new friend or perhaps something more. Good luck! 1
StanMusial Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Go for the date. Do not call her ahead of time. It reeks of insecurity. Have fun, enjoy it, approach it with no expectations. People telling you to cancel are ridiculous. You could find a lifelong friend here, even if nothing else happens, and honestly, that alone is worth it. I've been there. The fog of a few drinks, a random number, some texts, blam, date night. Sometimes it's great, others its a trainwreck. We're only here once, so enjoy the ride, wreck or no. I would call to make sure she is going to show up. Just a quick call so you can make other plans if she's going to flake.
Author BenH1000 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Thanks for the responses everyone. I ended up just meeting her last weekend (no call beforehand) and we had a nice time. I'm on the fence if I want to go on a 2nd date with her. I'm considering giving her a call this evening to see if she wants to hang out in the city next weekend, but we'll see!
Author BenH1000 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 taramaiden has a point - i went on a date with a girl but still not over this girl i really liked. She broke my heart. So on teh first date with this new girl im kissing her thinking and wishing it was the other girl. I cudnt kiss her anymore it was weird Hmm, how'd you get over her/how long did it take? I am happy to say I really wasn't thinking of my ex gf on the date, but I still think about her all the time. It's amazing how your memory can play tricks with you. She did a lot of crappy things while I dated her and yet she's still in my thoughts...a lot. The mind can be a cruel beast sometimes.
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