jimbob88 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Hi all, looking for some advice. Me and my ex broke up 8months ago after a good 5 year relationship, she left me after she told me she didn't love me nomore, (she met a holiday romance but no longer meeting) I was devastated and chased her n pestered her for 5months n she Now hates me. but been in no contact for 3months n I've been getting mixed signals from feedback, some saying she's regretting it and somesaying she's happy for me that I've moved on. But I still love her and want her to know how I feel. How I see it is : if you truly want something you fight for it? Here's my letter bad or good just want feedback on want you think, thanks Hi (exs name) Hope things are all good, There's still not a day that goes by where I don't think about you. We spent 5 good years together. Spoke every day, call me a soft bastard but I can't just stop Caring for you, it's not in me. You're my best friend. Ill be honest i don't miss the relationship, I miss you. I've recently been concentrating on myself, bought a new car n flying out to Ibiza next month not felt so happy in a long time. But I still have New York booked for us hoping that one day you'll contact me, but as stubborn as you are, we all know thats never going to happen, So as much as i held back on doing.... i contacted you! Least I'm keeping your postman in a job eh! lol, I don't know how to end this as I've loads to tell you, I'm still on the same number, would be nice to have a catch up. Hope you have a fab birthday. send my love to the fam. (My name xx) Would you send it? Change anything or add anything? I dont want to come across needy or desperate. Appreciate all that make the effort to help means so much
mammasita Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 NO! Don't do it. If she wants anything to do with you, she will contact you. 2
youngnlove89 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Hi all, looking for some advice. Me and my ex broke up 8months ago after a good 5 year relationship, she left me after she told me she didn't love me nomore, (she met a holiday romance but no longer meeting) I was devastated and chased her n pestered her for 5months n she Now hates me. but been in no contact for 3months n I've been getting mixed signals from feedback, some saying she's regretting it and somesaying she's happy for me that I've moved on. But I still love her and want her to know how I feel. How I see it is : if you truly want something you fight for it? Here's my letter bad or good just want feedback on want you think, thanks Hi (exs name) Hope things are all good, There's still not a day that goes by where I don't think about you. We spent 5 good years together. Spoke every day, call me a soft bastard but I can't just stop Caring for you, it's not in me. You're my best friend. Ill be honest i don't miss the relationship, I miss you. I've recently been concentrating on myself, bought a new car n flying out to Ibiza next month not felt so happy in a long time. But I still have New York booked for us hoping that one day you'll contact me, but as stubborn as you are, we all know thats never going to happen, So as much as i held back on doing.... i contacted you! Least I'm keeping your postman in a job eh! lol, I don't know how to end this as I've loads to tell you, I'm still on the same number, would be nice to have a catch up. Hope you have a fab birthday. send my love to the fam. (My name xx) Would you send it? Change anything or add anything? I dont want to come across needy or desperate. Appreciate all that make the effort to help means so much Oh gosh don't!! Sounds horribly selfish and pathetic. Ack. Listen, you did all you could do 3 months ago by pushing her off the edge. It's over. SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU BACK. Girls are simple, if we want someone back, nothing can stop us from letting you know, and I mean NOTHING. So let her go. Don't listen to your "friends" when they say that she misses you. If she did, you wouldn't be on here asking if she does or not. Let this go. Man up. Move on. It's time to heal now... 1
Author jimbob88 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 Thanks for the feedback, Harmfulsweetz... The mixed signals came from her work friends and then one of my mate is a bouncer at the club she goes to, and she spoke to him and he told her I was happy again a f***ing a new hot girl, (not my works) and she said she was happy for me (in a jealous manner) She's the stubbornness person I've come across n I was just thinking of sending it so she knows how I feel still. Don't want any regrets I want to feel like I've fully tried now that I've picked myself back up. We was both our 1st loves and after everything she's done I still love her. Would you change the letter?
siankat Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 (edited) Hi all, looking for some advice. Me and my ex broke up 8months ago after a good 5 year relationship, she left me after she told me she didn't love me nomore, (she met a holiday romance but no longer meeting) I was devastated and chased her n pestered her for 5months n she Now hates me. but been in no contact for 3months n I've been getting mixed signals from feedback, some saying she's regretting it and somesaying she's happy for me that I've moved on. But I still love her and want her to know how I feel. How I see it is : if you truly want something you fight for it? Here's my letter bad or good just want feedback on want you think, thanks Hi (exs name) Hope things are all good, There's still not a day that goes by where I don't think about you. We spent 5 good years together. Spoke every day, call me a soft bastard but I can't just stop Caring for you, it's not in me. You're my best friend. Ill be honest i don't miss the relationship, I miss you. I've recently been concentrating on myself, bought a new car n flying out to Ibiza next month not felt so happy in a long time. But I still have New York booked for us hoping that one day you'll contact me, but as stubborn as you are, we all know thats never going to happen, So as much as i held back on doing.... i contacted you! Least I'm keeping your postman in a job eh! lol, I don't know how to end this as I've loads to tell you, I'm still on the same number, would be nice to have a catch up. Hope you have a fab birthday. send my love to the fam. (My name xx) Would you send it? Change anything or add anything? I dont want to come across needy or desperate. Appreciate all that make the effort to help means so much Agreed some things are worth fighting for..you can fight to try and amend your wrongs but not to gain someone's love if it just disappeared because it just did... Here's how your message reads to me (an objective female). Hi Just trying to sound breezy but, i haven't gotten past you and you consume a lot of my thoughts and energy which is useless as everything is just happening in my head so i finally had to tell you as you are the person i am consumed with. I care about you but can't deal with the fact it's just me now. I'll be honest i don't miss the relationship i miss you. I've been reading a lot of self help and healing jargon and have bought a car and am taking a cool trip away and yet none of it makes me as happy as i would be if i were with you. I still have a holiday for us if you want...call me call me...as i finally caved and contacted you. Meagre joke to cover up my desperation. You are the only one i wanna tell stuff to as i have not let you go in my mind and accepted that for you it is over, even if it isn't for me....kinda 'fatal attraction' i know lol Would be great to get (back) together sometime. I was just kidding about all the heavy stuff so have a jolly good knees up at your b'day and say hi to your fam(?!?!..really..you got so breezy you missed some letters out?) Still yours xx (two kisses too many) So, i hope you appreciate my effort to help THis is how i would interpret a message if sent to me.. Edited May 9, 2013 by siankat 2
CelticGibson Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 "if you truly want something you fight for it?" Is she fighting for it? No. She's moved on. It doesn't matter what others are relaying to you. Her actions say a lot more. I know you want to tell her how you feel but believe me it will fall on deaf ears because she doesn't feel the same way as you do. When sending a letter like this, you risk a huge setback when you inevitably get the cold shoulder or friendly response that will not indicate any emotional or romantic interest. Do you want to do this to yourself? Best thing is to stay NC and just move on. If she changes her mind and begins to think that way about you, she will contact you.
Author jimbob88 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 Slancat Yeah I totally understand where you're coming from. Is there anything you could think for me to write not to sound desperate but just let her know my feelings? Means a lot all these comments opened my eyes alot.
Author jimbob88 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 Are you a Man? If so, be a Man and call her on the phone and ask her out. Having said that, I wouldn't send a letter or ask her out. Why? It's not your job to get a dumper to want you, it's a dumpers job to get them to want you. She never answered my phone calls 3months back. So doubt she will now. And don't really want to risk breaking no contact wi out getting a message across
BustedUpInside Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 The problem is what your intentions are compared to what this letter seems to be implying. Your intentions are to show her that you still care, to make your feelings known, and to keep the good parts of the relationship on your ex's mind. This letter actually accomplishes none of these goals. All it does is seem like a desperate attempt to maintain any kind of contact with your ex no matter how much she has told you that she wishes to move on. I know that it is hard to handle when the object of your affection does not return your feelings, but you have to accept (at least for now) that she is not going to come back regardless of how many notes you write. My advice is to hang on to any letters and keep them like a journal. Don't send it!
Giha Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 I've been thinking on sending my ex (of less than a week) a letter. Obviously not too soon but in a week or two. The idea starts to seem not-as-good as it did at first, but I'm still considering it. What keeps me from sending it the most is that thing people here say - If she wants you back, its her job to initiate it. I guess its true for most people but I know my ex wouldn't do that even if she wanted to because she'd be sure I don't want to ever hear from her again. I wasn't mean to her when she broke up with me, that's just her nature to think in this way. Anyway I have the letter written and put in an envelope in a drawer. Still pondering on the idea. I know how you feel. Wait a week or two and read it again, then see if you still want to send it.
CelticGibson Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 If someone wants you bad enough, no amount of excuses or reasons of logic would prevent them from letting you know. We live in a world where it is so easy to make contact. This is the truth. Anything less means they don't want you back. Why do I say this? Because you are going to this effort to let them know because you want them back. Keep that letter as your catharsis and you will read back on it in the months ahead and ask yourself why you were that desperate to write such a thing.
TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Slancat Yeah I totally understand where you're coming from. Is there anything you could think for me to write not to sound desperate but just let her know my feelings? Means a lot all these comments opened my eyes alot. You're not getting it. Don't write anything at all. You're not ready to establish contact at all, because you have underlying and ulterior motives. It's just not going to work. You need to stay in complete No Contact. 2
Author jimbob88 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 The problem is what your intentions are compared to what this letter seems to be implying. Your intentions are to show her that you still care, to make your feelings known, and to keep the good parts of the relationship on your ex's mind. This letter actually accomplishes none of these goals. All it does is seem like a desperate attempt to maintain any kind of contact with your ex no matter how much she has told you that she wishes to move on. I know that it is hard to handle when the object of your affection does not return your feelings, but you have to accept (at least for now) that she is not going to come back regardless of how many notes you write. My advice is to hang on to any letters and keep them like a journal. Don't send it! Thanks busted up inside, you're right! Any chance you could help me out in a letter just to let her know I still care? Would mean a lot
TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 NO!! DO - NOT - SEND - ANY - LETTER - OF - ANY - KIND!! You're NOT listening!! We are all telling you, loud and clear - do not write anything at all! Don't send a letter, email, text, smoke signal, carrier pigeon, telegram, candygram or anyt other type of communication what-so-ever!! Nothing! Zilch! Niente!! Rien!! Nada!! 2
Author jimbob88 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 You're not getting it. Don't write anything at all. You're not ready to establish contact at all, because you have underlying and ulterior motives. It's just not going to work. You need to stay in complete No Contact. Yeah maybe you're right just don't want to live in regret that's all
CelticGibson Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 So you would rather get told straight up that she's not interested and then how will you feel? Regret for what? It's over. That is how life goes. We get one shot and when it's done it's done. Regrets are for the birds. Just chalk it up to experience and move on. There are plenty of others that will come your way and give you the relationship that you deserve. This girl has chosen to move on and you must accept it. Go No Contact and stay No Contact and your life will start anew... 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Your biggest regret will be sending any kind of letter, and waiting with bated breath for a reply - because any reply - other than "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, i want you back" - will never give you what you really seek. Sadly, my reaction would be one of several: "Ugh! I thought he'd quit pestering me!" letter -----> bin. Letter -----> bin (didn't even read). Response: "Please quit contacting me. I was happily getting on with my life, I suggest you do the same". And ----------> letter in bin. Response: (too rude to print) and -------> letter in bin. Please, please trust us: Sending this letter will not ease the regret. it will double it. 1
siankat Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 You are just throwing breadcrumbs yourself with that letter. You want her back so say so. Otherwise there is nothing else to say. Stop involving yourself in her life. Read homebrews advice on gigs and the dumpee because that is the best advice you will get..whether you follow it or not. Based on that you should glean that getting in touch with her now is like ..ejaculating in your pants man. You can't help yourself but it won't really satisfy you or you won't get the best out of it or yourself. I hope you get my analogy...if not...alert ls that i was rude and apologies from me in advance that i lowered the tone.
Author jimbob88 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 You are just throwing breadcrumbs yourself with that letter. You want her back so say so. Otherwise there is nothing else to say. Stop involving yourself in her life. Read homebrews advice on gigs and the dumpee because that is the best advice you will get..whether you follow it or not. Based on that you should glean that getting in touch with her now is like ..ejaculating in your pants man. You can't help yourself but it won't really satisfy you or you won't get the best out of it or yourself. I hope you get my analogy...if not...alert ls that i was rude and apologies from me in advance that i lowered the tone. Thanks for the help mate
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