Qualities

[chaser0195]

I know that we all have some bad qualities but do you think that your AP/exAp's bad qualities were who they were all the time or did they(the bad qualities) show up because of the situation? What I mean is that my exAP was very indecisive. I kind of wondered if he was like that with his life outside of me or if the affair made him that way and typically he was peremptory.

Edited May 9, 2013 by chaser0195

[spice4life]

Good question. I think in some cases being indecisive is brought on by the affair. They do not want to put the energy into making decisions because it's nothing more than an affair. It's their "parenthesis" and it's for enjoyment without pressure.

 

In my case, I'm sure there were good and bad qualities that were due to the affair and there were good and bad ones that were a part of who he is.

[chaser0195]

The question that begs an answer:

 

Is there something to be said about a person that chooses an AP with very bad qualities? Or----------------why choose someone with such qualities?

 

Pierre,

People choose their mates for all different reasons and EVERYONE has bad qualities regardless of affair or not so unless you stay single forever you are going to find a mate with at least one bad quality. AND these qualities, whether good or bad, may not be apparent in the beginning or if they are may be things you think you can tolerate but later decide you cant. Doesn't mean that the "chooser" is broken.

[MissBee]

To this day, I am not sure if my exAP is someone who just lacks boundaries or thinks cheating is fine and just about maintaining two relationships OR if it was only circumstantial.

[thefooloftheyear]

I guess you can never really know...I dont imagine anyone would act exactly the same in a conventional relationship as they would in an affair, just based on the dynamics.

 

It makes people feel better about it ending to say that its all bad, but the reality is it could easily be the a lot less bad then it woud have been.

 

TFY