rather_confused_girl Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Long story short LDR of 2 years just ends because he says he is not in love with me but still cares for me. We tried the friend thing for a couple weeks but I told him that I simply can't be that to him. That my feelings were love not friendship. He seem to take it well enough and I told him it is best we don't speak again because I only get my hopes up. That was a whole 24 hours ago and he messages me "I hope your ok" I have no idea if he is seriously just disregarding my request for space or if he regrets what he done and wants me back. How do I even respond?? "No Im heartbroken you utter jerk how dare you act like you didn't just crush me" or "All's great! Life is so much simplier without you" OR what I want to say "I miss you come back to me you idiot!!" Feeling Bipolar right now
FailedFirstLove Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 I don't think he even knows what he wants. He doesn't want to be commited to you. But at the same time he wants you there because your familiar. Strange these people! Try to ignore him. If you answer it will only encourage him to contact you even more. Until he decides what he wants he doesn't deserve you. And you don't deserve to be stringing along 1
Author rather_confused_girl Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 Yeah I think you might be right. Maybe keeping me in contact to be a fall back girl if his new single life doesn't work out. Ive been reading so many posts on here and trying to learn. Problem is saying and doing are two different things and my heart just wants him, damn my heart it is so so stupid I'll try to ignore him but its so much harder than I thought it would be. If he would just disappear like I asked I would'nt be double over with guilt on ignoring. Although Im in my 30's he is the first person I really let in my heart and just hard to close it now. Be strong, be strong thats all I keep saying in my head. Im nobodies back up plan
TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 In a nutshell, he considers his wants to be more important than yours. it's gone like this: Him: Let's be friends. You: No, I can't do that, I still love you too much. Him: oh, ok. I completely understand. You're right. I get it. ...pause.... Him: Let's be friends.... he basically has disregarded your request for No Contact and has gone ahead and contacted you anyway. it makes him feel better. it's for his gratification, not yours. The thing to do, is to not respond. Do not give him any kind of reply. When he texts you again (and of course he will, because you might not have got it last time, that he wants to 'be friends' - this is what you respond with: Text Blocker activated. Your message was not delivered. Oh and, read the No Contact Guide in my signature. The Guide itself is post #1, but the remaining thread is interesting too... 3
Author rather_confused_girl Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 Thank you Tara and Failed first love, It helps to just hear someone say common sense to me. Ive been reading and re-reading all these posts and this site has helped me beyond what you can believe. I realize it's not about him it is about me and I need to find my strength again because I was giving it all to him and I need to take it back! You guys are really angels here in disguise and you don't even realize it
FailedFirstLove Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Im in the same position as you sadly. And agree it definitely helps to hear about other people's situation and how it can be handled. but when he contacts you, you can't help it but to feel good? Haha that's how I feel Many people have successfully overcome this! We can do it too! 1
Author rather_confused_girl Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 Honestly it does give me a bit of sick satisfaction of thinking "Ohhh you miss me eh! Well was your doing!" Im sure that makes me a bit evil but a bit better that I may have gotten a small measure of revenge on what he has done to my heart. Small but least it's something I suppose. Im sure that makes me a bad person lol
CelticGibson Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 The best "revenge" is to stop communicating and moving on. He gave up on you so he doesn't deserve anything from you. You owe him nothing now. In time you will lose these strong feelings and you will reach the point of indifference. Until that day maintain No Contact. Remember this is for your healing and has nothing to do with hurting or helping him. 1
soccerrprp Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 The best "revenge" is to stop communicating and moving on. He gave up on you so he doesn't deserve anything from you. You owe him nothing now. In time you will lose these strong feelings and you will reach the point of indifference. Until that day maintain No Contact. Remember this is for your healing and has nothing to do with hurting or helping him. Here here! So right! Now if I can get myself to do this! LOL! Nah, no revenge on my end.... NC is the way to go. Like others have said, you deserve better. Another thing is that he's feeling guilty. So, by offering friendship and/or asking you how you're doing, he is being assuaged of his responsibility of the breakup. Imagine how he'd feel if you responded to the affirmative to the message(s)? NC is the way... 1
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