electricjw Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Well I've been talkin to this girl for about 3 wks now, and went out with her last sat night. Well after we went out, she said the next day or 2 she ran into her ex, and he kissed her "like he meant it", whatever that means. She said that kiss had her all ****ed up in the head, and since then we hadn't been talkin much. Well I ask her about it and she said she will always love him, and that they almost got married and she had a miscarriage with him. But she said that he is an idoit, a liar, and a cheater. Also the dude is 40, and she is 23. I am 28. She also said that she doesn't respect him at all, but yet she acts like she wants to be with him. I told her that I am not a cheater and liar, and I only want to make her happy, as I have been cheated on before and hated it. So like we went out on 1 date, and I felt like I was getting dumped when she was telling me all this. But she said she wants to be single right now, and just needs some friends. I told her that I still want to be her friend, (which I felt like i was getting dumped so it was over with us), but she said, "you act like i hate you, but I don't". I dont mind being friends right now, as I think I can still win her over. But my question is this, how worried should I be about her ex? She said all this junk about him, but why would she want someone like that, that she doesnt respect? Anyone have this happen to them, how'd it go? Also I think they have been broken up for only a month or two.
AMusing Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Oh man, I was this girl 8 years ago. Completely obsessed over this lame ******* older guy, even though I knew he was awful to me. I also completely blew off dozens of really sweet, normal men, because I was still so messed up about the old man. I know I really hurt a lot of guys just like you. How worried should you be about her ex? Extremely. She's still completely messed up over him, and will be for a very long time to come. The chances of them getting back together (and then crashing & burning again) are very high. It's just how these unhealthy relationships go. Until she really distances herself from him, no other guy will be placed above him in her heart. Why would she want him, when she knows he's bad news? Because people are idiots, and we frequently feel things that aren't rational. Because she's still learning the lesson that "loving" someone doesn't always mean you should be with them. Because the endorphin roller-coaster ride caused by unhealthy relationships is addictive, and getting off that ride takes time and strength. She probably will regret tossing you aside eventually (I certainly regret the way I treated several guys), but that doesn't do you any good because it probably will take years for her to get to that point. She won't be ready for a real relationship for years yet. It took me 3 years after breaking up with my loser to fall in love with someone else, and even then that relationship was laden with baggage over my ex. And it's only been a couple months since they broke up? No good can come of this. You seem like a really nice guy, so don't play the doormat, "when you're over your ex, I'm here" guy. It'll inevitably cause resentment on your end; instead, start investing your time in someone else. 1
Joaquin Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Good post above. You gotta walk away from this one me thinks. She sounds like she isn't really ready for anyone new right now. 1
Treasa Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 That is a LOT of drama for three weeks. Just walk away and don't talk to her again unless you like being jerked around by your nuts.
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