Ordinaryday Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Awhile ago I was chatting to some girl on a dating site and she seemed interested and we had a date set up and everything, and then out of nowhere she sent me a message saying she was no longer interested, all the best with the future, blah blah blah. I deleted it without responding, and I told a friend this. He said that I should have sent her a message saying something like "hey no worries, all the best with the future, good luck". I was confused and asked him why on earth I would do something like that and he responded "to be the bigger person". I have heard this kind of thing a lot. Someone flakes out on you and you are meant to act like you are okay with it "to be the bigger person". Someone dumps you and you are meant to smile and wish them well, "to be the bigger person". A girl rips your heart out by leaving you for another person and you are meant to smile at her and make polite conversation when you randomly bump into her "to be the bigger person". I know this is a slight exaggeration, but only slight! Why on earth are people so focused on being the bigger person? the reason I did not send the girl a message saying "hey no worries, all the best with the future, good luck" is because a message like that would give her the impression that I was okay with her flakiness, when I am not. I simply ignored the message, and while I am aware that she does not care either way, I figured by ignoring it it was a way to show her that I was unimpressed with her behaviour to the extent that I would not bother responding at all. This is what works for me, and it also works for me to turn my head the other way and pretend I don't see her, when I see my ex in the city. It works for me to block my ex on facebook, and not to wish her "all the best for the future" because I care about what works for ME, I don't care about the societal pressue of being the "bigger person". so what does it ACTUALLY MEAN? are these people who are trying to be the "bigger person" secretly trying to get their exes back? as if telling her "good luck with everything" will make her want you back? Or do they feel some societal pressure to continue to be nice and polite to an ex who rips their heart out? I certainly feel no pressure, once a girl dumps me she is dead to me, I never speak to her again, even if she reaches out. so why are people so worried about being the "bigger person". can someone explain to me?
Emilia Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 so why are people so worried about being the "bigger person". can someone explain to me? I think a lot of people want to pretend that they don't care. It has nothing to do with looking mature (which is what 'being the bigger person' would mean). It's an ego thing: 'you didn't want to meet me? Well I didn't care anyway.' I'm with you, I don't care for this pretend BS either, just delete or whatever and move on. Why would I bother trying to convince someone that doesn't care about me that I don't care about them either? Pure ego. 2
soccerrprp Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Yeah, I am pretty understanding and if still in the communication stage, I would have said something like "okay, thanks and good luck," but in your case, I would have simply ignored it and moved on w/o any other comments. What she did was disrespectful, crappy, really.
OwlSoul Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 If you're angry, then use your anger for something what helps you. This is how I understand being a bigger person
USMCHokie Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 I think a lot of people want to pretend that they don't care. It has nothing to do with looking mature (which is what 'being the bigger person' would mean). It's an ego thing: 'you didn't want to meet me? Well I didn't care anyway.' I'm with you, I don't care for this pretend BS either, just delete or whatever and move on. Why would I bother trying to convince someone that doesn't care about me that I don't care about them either? Pure ego. Ego would be the answer. When someone rejects us, we want to turn it around and rationalize in our mind that nay, we rejected them! That way, we no longer feel that we were not good enough for them, but instead, they were not good enough for us. ***Note: This was a pretty generous like from me. 2
Emilia Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 ***Note: This was a pretty generous like from me. I know what your game is
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