bellasue Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 So I'm almost at a month NC. And I really just want to hear something. Sadly, if he came back to me today and said he wanted me back in his life I would do it. What is wrong with me? I doubt this would ever happen, but still.
sybo24 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 You have done so well, so far keep going, be strong. I know that all you want is some contact and for him to hold you and make everything ok, but that wont happen, it will just prolong your unhappiness. Sending you a big hug xxx
DelusionalOne Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 So I'm almost at a month NC. And I really just want to hear something. Sadly, if he came back to me today and said he wanted me back in his life I would do it. What is wrong with me? I doubt this would ever happen, but still. A month is hard. The reality is starting to sink in. The next few weeks may get a bit harder (based on my own experiences and others that I have read here) with the feeling that it is all just slipping away. I know you want to hear from him. You're probably sitting there thinking...how could he walk away so easily? It was all just a lie. He never really cared about me.... If I just heard from him, I would know that it was real and he did care. If you heard from him today .... it still wouldn't change anything. You think hearing from him is what you need, but in actuality, the best thing is for him to leave you alone and let you heal and move on. Hearing from them is a temporary bandage. It doesn't make you feel better...it makes you feel worse. It dredges up the old memories and the old feelings. Those fleeting moments of sanity and peace you are just starting to get... yeah, those fly out the window. It is very hard to stay NC when they contact you. And it hurts like hell when you have to reject/ignore someone you loved to protect yourself and move on. Stay strong you will get to the other side of this! 1
HeartWon'tHeal Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 DON'T DO IT!!!! If he does contact you it will only take longer to heal and he will break your heart again. 1
Praying4Peace Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 I think how you feel is very normal for 1 month. I promise you won't feel like that in a few months. You'll feel like- even if he came back it wouldn't be enough. It just takes time to register the feelings. 1
ComingInHot Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 bellasue, I'm so sorry you are hurting. It may take a while for the pain to lesson from this constant, debilitating agony to a constant hum of pain to moments/periods of stinging to moments of amnesia (sp) regarding the exMM and A. But you'll get there. So, for now just work on getting there by making it through one day at a time. You are so strong bellasue! You are, after all... a woman*
who_am_i Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 i can't remember who said it, the best thing that i ever read on here went something like this.... he carried on an affair with you for x,y,z amount of time...he lied to his wife and went way out of his way to do it. don't you think that if he wanted to talk to you he would figure out a way? he hasn't...cause he just doesn't want to. i know...it sounds so mean, and when i originally read it i felt like it was just another kick in the stomach. but i'm gonna tell you that those words keep me from contacting him every single day. it's a reminder that i am worth more then what he has to offer...and so are you. I want to be with a man who can't get enough of me! don't you? chin up bellasue...it's gonna suck. but im here to tell you that it's worth it. 1
Author bellasue Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Thanks everyone! I feel much stronger today! I burned some new CD's with some great songs for my car, turned up the volume and sang away! : ) I'm a little worried since he'll be returning this time next week from a vacation. And there are lots of chances to run into him. Hopefully he'll be a big chicken and stay close to home. Hugs ladies! 1
Ladydrib Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 So I'm almost at a month NC. And I really just want to hear something. Sadly, if he came back to me today and said he wanted me back in his life I would do it. What is wrong with me? I doubt this would ever happen, but still. Congratulate yourself on this milestone. Let it energize you and give you confidence that you've been strong and you can continue to do so. Some moments you'll feel weaker than others but as time goes by you will regain more and more of your strength. Focus on that and you hopefully do not even have to worry about what if he comes back. He probably will at some point. But remember - don't ne happy he is thinking of you if he does. Just remember you're better than to go backwards and you've come this far. Good job!! Keep it up!!
OpenBook Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I feel much stronger today! I burned some new CD's with some great songs for my car, turned up the volume and sang away! : ) Good for you bellasue! Milk Every. Last. Drop. out of these moments; they are a crucial source of strength in your upward trajectory out of the darkness. They got me through my own rough stretches. It's kinda like reclaiming yourself - taking the reins back, reassuming your rightful place of command as captain of the ship. You WILL get back up; you WILL recover; and you WILL love and be loved again. PERIOD. Count on it. 1
Goodbye Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 OpenBook...really good words. Very comforting. Bellasue, I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. We all have those low days in this grieving process. The end of the A is so complicated. It is like healing a wound with jagged edges. It leaves a pretty messy scar, but the wound does close eventually. Keep doing what you are doing to make your life better as you heal and grow.
secretlady76 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 It's only a month. You're going to feel rubbish for a while. However, you will feel better BUT you have to take some action. As much as you feel like doing nothing but wallowing in self-pity, you have to get on with your life. Make yourself do stuff. You have to say to yourself 'I am not going to let you control my headspace'. If you feel yourself thinking, do something else. Keep doing something else, all the time. The less you think of him, the less he will have meaning. Eventually, he will have no meaning. And whatever you do, do not start thinking about all the lovely things he said to you and torture yourself as to why these words do not match up with his actions. It's pointless, because if he REALLY felt they way he made out he did through his words then his actions would have been different. Don't take it personally, it's his personality issue and not yours. If someone cares about you, they don't hurt you. He hurt you. Keep away from someone like that. Focus on how you feel now. You feel rubbish, thanks to him. Do you really want someone like that? If he has the ability to hurt you, he will do it again. Is he really worth all this pain? Absolutely not. Don't let him destroy anymore of you. He's the loser, not you. Don't let him win. Live life, enjoy life, get back your confidence, your self esteem, become the woman you were before he came into your life, you know the woman you once were proud to be, NOT the blubbering shell of a woman he has made you.
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