Isn't affectionate/says he loves me/I broke up with him/now he wants me back...

[emva07]

This is my first relationship, 3 years into it, I'm 26 he's 32.

 

I always am the one to say "i love you" i get "you too" or "same", always the one to hug, kiss, hold hands first. He does it back and seems happy to do so.

 

He says he doesn't understand what more I want, he always shows me affection when i want it, gives me money when I ask for it, gives me massages when I'm tired, gives me sex everyday and makes sure I am satisfied. So he sees that as a lot of affection. That if he didn't love me he 1. would tell me 2. not be with me.

 

I know he's not cheating. He comes straight to my house after work and there is nothing suspicious.

 

We just broke up....but he says he is willing to change.

 

But I am just so tired of crying and feeling unloved. I don't know if this is normal guy behavior or if i should just walk away.

[Eggplant]

I always am the one to say "i love you" i get "you too" or "same", always the one to hug, kiss, hold hands first. He does it back and seems happy to do so.

If you give it another try, don't initiate at all. Play tit for 2 tats.

[justwhoiam]

"Isn't affectionate/says he loves me/I broke up with him/now he wants me back..."

 

I'm starting to like these titles telling stories............

 

Anyway, are you sure you wrote in the right forum? Nothing hints to any LDR.

 

Regarding the doubts in your posts... You had to stop being like that, and see what he was going to do. It might just be that he didn't even had the time to make anything spontaneously, as your actions always came first. This time around don't make the same mistake and see how it goes.

[TaraMaiden]

It sounds as if you could have your 'Romantic pink-tinted-spectacle viewer set to 'magnify'.

 

Is it possible you have different opinions/views on what being 'romantic' is?

 

It seems to me that you'd love romantic gestures... a warm bubble-bath filled with rose petals, by candle-light, sipping pink champagne... presenting you with 2 tickets on the Orient Express for a week away..... planting crocuses in the lawn in October, so that in February, they sprout in the shape of a heart with your initials in the middle....)

 

.....but he's not wired that way.

The 'hard wooing work' is done, and now you're the Girlfriend hanging on the arm, it's the minimum effort possible for the maximum return, as he sees it?

 

How close am I?

[emva07]

"Isn't affectionate/says he loves me/I broke up with him/now he wants me back..."

 

I'm starting to like these titles telling stories............

 

Anyway, are you sure you wrote in the right forum? Nothing hints to any LDR.

 

 

yeah, haha, I don't know why it posted on here! I must've clicked the wrong link thinking it was breakups. Sorry!

 

Thanks for the response!

[emva07]

It sounds as if you could have your 'Romantic pink-tinted-spectacle viewer set to 'magnify'.

 

Is it possible you have different opinions/views on what being 'romantic' is?

 

It seems to me that you'd love romantic gestures... a warm bubble-bath filled with rose petals, by candle-light, sipping pink champagne... presenting you with 2 tickets on the Orient Express for a week away..... planting crocuses in the lawn in October, so that in February, they sprout in the shape of a heart with your initials in the middle....)

 

.....but he's not wired that way.

The 'hard wooing work' is done, and now you're the Girlfriend hanging on the arm, it's the minimum effort possible for the maximum return, as he sees it?

 

How close am I?

 

I do not ask for THAT much, I ask for physical affection. Not turning over in bed as soon as sex is done. Hold my hand sometimes when we go out. Tell girls who flirt with him he's taken. Put his arm around me when we watch tv/movies together from time to time.

[TaraMaiden]

Ugh..... Non-tactile.... Call my H. many things but he is enormously tactile..... a direct opposite to the upbringing environment he knew....

 

Any clues as to how physically affectionate his family was/is?

 

There are myriad clues to be had right there.

Sadly, it's hard to fight conditioning.....

[emva07]

Ugh..... Non-tactile.... Care all my H. many things but he is enormously tactile..... a direct opposite to the upbringing environment he knew....

 

Any clues as to how physically affectionate his family was/is?

 

There are myriad clues to be had right there.

Sadly, it's hard to fight conditioning.....

 

I am latin-american, born in the USA. My family NEVER says I love you to each other and my own mother tells me, my parents never did either....doesn't mean it's not there....it's just the way the culture is.

 

my sisters show it by being mean "where are you?" "why punk? you miss me?" is their way of saying "i miss you too"

 

A few years ago I had a roomate in college who was VERY affectionate with me and her family and I wanted that for my family (the one i have know and my children in the future). She said it was the same with her, her mother is African and they grew up getting mistreated and yelled at, she wanted to break away from it all and put A LOT of effort into changing. Now she's the only loving one in the family but she sees that her family appreciates it and have finally started showing a bit more affection now that her mom sees it's ok to open up a bit.

 

Now this guy....he was BORN in Central America....same as my parents....never told anyone I love you, his mom never said it to him either so i asked him "but you love your mom no?" he says, yes....i told him well god forbid she dies and you never told her so he says "you are right I will call her and tell her". He was born to his mother and a cheating man. So of course his dad never recognized him....when his mother remarried he was raised by his grandma until she dies at 14, he briefly moves in with the stepdad to be mistreated so moves out and a few years later comes to the USA.

He says i'm the first woman he has loved and that he WANTS to show me but it's not in him.

 

Yesterday he came over and was very affectionate, huggy, even fell asleep on my chest. I wonder how long that will last.

 

Now it all gets kind of strange, i've done lots of observing, and yes it seems that Central American people are less affectionate (ancestors of Mayas and Aztecs). Affectionate when trying to get with a girl (i'm sure you've witnessed how much they love to cat call through ) but once they have you not affectionate. which is what I don't get. You CAN do it, HAVE done it but now it's not there as much.

I hear South Americans (the ancestors of Incas) are more affectionate.

Not trying to turn this into a genealogy lecture haha, but yes this has a lot to do with it.

 

I know we have that fiery, romantic stereotype but it's not so.

[emva07]

[quote=emva07;4874170

h.

I hear South Americans (the ancestors of Incas) are more affectionate.

.

 

Sorry I didnt mean I hear, I have witnessed as well.