singme2sleep Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 It's been almost a month since I found out my ex is rebounding. And for the past few days the anger has been fading. It's beginning to bother me that I lost my cool and sent him a message basically telling him off. And this has nothing to do with wanting him back, I just don't want him to have a negative image of me forever. I wish I had been the bigger person and not said anything. It made me feel a little better at the time but now I see that it was pointless. Truthfully I would rather have him think of me and kick himself for letting me go. Instead of prob telling himself he's justified because I acted like a bitch in the end... Yes, I know what's done is done and that I can't change my past actions. So how do I stop allowing it to affect me? 1
BustedUpInside Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Who said it was a mistake? Maybe you could think of it in a new light. One where his final image of you is someone who is hurt by his selfish actions and deserves to be able to voice that disappointment. You are allowed to have feelings and just because the relationship is over doesn't mean that he can proceed guilt free. Obviously, you shouldn't make a habit of texting him whenever something bothers you, but this wasn't necessarily a huge mistake. 3
mbee Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Don't even sweat that stuff. Here's the truth. Unless your ex is a heartless jerk, he should care to some degree about how you feel. I remember in the past I did a rebound when I broke up with an ex. I tried my best for him to not find out, but he did. He was heartbroken and upset and it made me feel terrible. It didn't make me want him back, it was over for sure, but I did work to try and make him feel better. Ultimately we couldn't be friends after 2 years of trying to be friends, but I never felt like he was a jerk or crazy for showing me how hurt it made him feel. Actually that experience taught me something. Don't do rebounds after a breakup. Ever since I will never do an immediate rebound. I always think of the ex from long ago crying out to me about how it hurt him. I'm tempted to now because my current ex left me for some unavailable married woman, but I know how it makes people feel. Even my current ex admitted that he would be hurt and upset if I had a rebound relationship. So trust me, you are in his mind (even if it doesn't feel that way) and sometimes these things have positive repercussions. Unless he's a jerk, I'm sure he feels bad about the pain this is causing you. It WILL make him feel guilty and maybe next time around he'll have second thoughts before doing a rebound. Just don't make a habit out of it! Once is enough. 2
maturityassets Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 It happens to all of us. It recently happened in my break up. She toyed with my feelings while getting me jealous about hooking up with the guy from her past who she cut out of her life because of our relationship. Jealousy took the best of me. I texted her one night angry, but she forgave me, said it was natural. But I also called her best friend to see if it was true, that got her mad. Said it killed any hope of her going back to me in the future. So don't do anything else. You have the right to be upset and hurt. Just roll back from now and post on the thread that says "post here instead of contacting your ex". Its honestly the best thread to comment on when you have the urge 1
Author singme2sleep Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 Thanks guys. I really appreciate the support and now feel a little bit better than I did about it the other day...
fiftyofsomethin Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I, too, struggle with this feeling where you don't want to have your ex think negatively of you for the rest of their lives or just completely forgetting you, losing touch, etc. With only 4 days of my Senior year of HS left, I am truly conflicted about it, on one hand I'm excited to start a new chapter in my life, but on the other, I am afraid of losing touch with all these people who's contact I have taken for granted in the last few years. Most notably my ex and some mutual friends we have who I have sort of dropped out of touch gradually with because well because I suppose they think it's weird to continue talking to their friend's ex or something. I have this odd feeling that I just want to leave things on a positive note or something and be able to stay in touch over the summer and the next few years. I'd hate to lose friends forever just because of some stupid timing with a breakup. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I share in your struggle. It's hard because you just feel like you want to do something about it but honestly doing ANYTHING about it could make it worse. All I can hope for is to just talk to them and ask if we can stay in touch. As much as I LOVE making new friends, I hate LOSING friends even more.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 You care because you are a good person and its important that people see you in a positive light.. I can relate. I wouldnt worry about it in this case. I highly doubt he has any less opinion of you since the "confrontation"... Let it go, do something special for someone else who will really appreciate it! TFY 2
na49 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Why do you care is a good question because he doesn't. and his rebound relationship could fail y'know.. Also what I learned is that they don't care about the way we acted during the BU. If they are ever kicking themselves for letting us go, they'll be doing just that. They won't be reflecting on little things we did that they didn't like. 2
aisuru Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I think most people give their ex a pass on some words, actions, and behaviors during the initial time after a breakup. It's almost to be expected. Each person likely has a time period where it's not considered nutty behavior. It's being mindful of the more time that passes, the less "acceptable" it is do those things. So dust yourself off and don't feel guilty. What's done is done. Just don't do it again. Next time, if you have to write him something, do it via this message board, a blog, or journal. Because you do need to get those thoughts out of your head. 1
Am4Real Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Good advice. I think most people give their ex a pass on some words, actions, and behaviors during the initial time after a breakup. It's almost to be expected. Each person likely has a time period where it's not considered nutty behavior. It's being mindful of the more time that passes, the less "acceptable" it is do those things. So dust yourself off and don't feel guilty. What's done is done. Just don't do it again. Next time, if you have to write him something, do it via this message board, a blog, or journal. Because you do need to get those thoughts out of your head.
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