venuss Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 (edited) I know LS from all the support I needed while going through break-up. Well another thing has come up as if that was not enough to deal with!! There is a couple I know, they are both my friends on my FB, I met them few years back at party when we became friends and added each other. Well this man was french kissing a girl (who looked younger than him and his wife) outside my office. I was having a break with my colleague. At first, I was like, I know him, then I recalled that I am connected to him on FB (I have like 899 friends) and for the first time thoroughly checked his FB and then his wife's. They write nice things to each other, like do we not look good together etc etc. (actually I wanted to comment 'bull**it')I never took interest in them before!! But what I saw is bothering me.. Not sure who the other girl was but he is for sure cheating on his wife!! He don't know I saw him. He had his hands around her waist as they walked away. Its been bothering me more than my break-up. I want to tell his wife but I am not sure why but I feel scared of this man. What is the right way of going about it? I want to tell this women but I really don't want to get dragged into it or be exposed!! I don't have any evidence either!! He may very well deny it! What about the other girl?!! What should I do?? Edited May 8, 2013 by venuss 1
todreaminblue Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 (edited) I know LS from all the support I needed while going through break-up. Well another thing has come up as if that wa snot enough to deal with!! I know this couple they are just acquaintance, they are both my friends on my FB, I met them few years back at party when we became friends and added each other. Well this man was french kissing a girl (looked younger) outside my office. I was having a break with my colleague. At first, I was like, I know him, then I recalled and for the first time thoroughly checked his FB and then his wife. They write nice things to each other, like do we not look good together etc etc. I never took interest in them!! Not sure who the other girl was but he is for sure cheating on her!! He don't know I saw him. He had his hands around her waist as they walked away. Its been bothering me more than my break-up. I want to tell wife but I am not sure why but I feel scared of this man. What is the right way of going about it? I want to tell this women but I really don't want to get dragged into it!! I exposed a cheating man and the girl didnt talk to me again she believed him.......i chose nto to expose another man........she found out by herself and when she confronted me if i knew........i couldnt lie........that friendship and the fact i lost it...due to avoidance of giving her the information before she found out......is the biggest regret i have...you have to make the choice on what your heart tells you to do...losing a friendship will always be a possibility either way..guys have been able to talk to me i wish though when it comes to infidelity they would pick soemone else to ask for advice....its a torn in two situation......................deb Edited May 8, 2013 by todreaminblue 1
Eggplant Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Tell his wife. You will then have done your moral duty and the rest is out of your control. 5
Jenn.Smith Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 I would find a way to send an anonymous letter. then walk away. If you happen to see it again pull out the good ol' phone and take a photo. then you can show the wife with your real name.
Keenly Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Tell his wife. You will then have done your moral duty and the rest is out of your control. Moral duty? To butt into some one else's life? Were all adults here... so let them lead their adult lives. Its not your place to tell her. You can do whatever you want but its not really your business. 2
Eggplant Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Moral duty? To butt into some one else's life? Were all adults here... so let them lead their adult lives. Its not your place to tell her. You can do whatever you want but its not really your business. The next time somebody robs you at gunpoint, I hope everybody around you minds their own business and lets that criminal lead his own life. It's not anybody's business whether you're being assaulted. 13
Betrayed&Stayed Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Give me a friggen BREAK. Romeo MADE it her business when he CHOSE to play tonsil hockey with his side piece out in PUBLIC in front of everyone. Your 'advice' might have merit if the OP were spying on the guy by looking through his window but that's not the case. She was out in public on the street when he chose to engage in his little PDA for the world to see. How ridiculous to claim it's "none of her business" when he MADE it her business. OP - create a fake Facebook profile and write to the wife through that. You don't need to be friends on Facebook to send a message to someone. Give the wife the date and time, exactly where it happened, a description of her husband's 'girlfriend,' and anything else you can remember about what happened. You don't have to give YOUR identity away in the process. I'm giving Keenly a pass since he is single. Once he marries the love of his life, he'll see things very differently. I'm sure then he would want to make it everyone's business if his wife is sleeping around. Fake Facebook messages is not a good idea. The message gets buried in the "Other" folder and does not create a notification. Most Facebook users don't even now about the Other folder. Basic Filtering If you select Basic Filtering, you'll see mostly messages from friends and people you may know (ex: friends of friends) in your inbox. Typically, messages from other people will go to your Other folder, and you won't receive a notification about them. 1
KathyM Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 My sister and I exposed a cheating MM to his wife. We called her on the phone. She listened and believed us. The affair ended right after that. You would be doing her a favor by letting her know what you saw. 1
Author venuss Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 (edited) A little background. I am grown up and can decide what is right or wrong thing to do. So by posting here I have made it clear that I plan to 'interfere' in somebody else's business. I don't see it as exposing a cheating man, I see it as protecting a woman! Hence I want to do that. The fact is that I know that my options are limited, I can call his wife or email her as anonymously. I was hoping I could find some better way. This wife knows where I work, he doesn't so if I give her all the details and she has an ounce of common sense then she will know who am I. I am from Germany and its not like US or big country where its difficult to guess who the person can be. We live in small town and work in much smaller offices. And yet this man openly had an affair. I don't have any picture that I could just send, I could have taken one as they carried on for at least 5 mins. before moving away, but I did not, I was just so shocked. I am sure everyone here would agree with me that in this case all that would happen will be a minor fight, because of lack of evidence. But what happens next is none of my business, but I wish that generally women were a bit more stronger. Again I am not sure how it is in US but here I have observed that women do not have enough guts to leave a cheating spouse, and 90% of the time they tend to forgive. The reasons they give is kids, financial security or for the sake of so many years etc. but all that really goes on in their mind is, who would be my partner, why go through all the hassle they are basically 'emotionally lazy' (if you know what I mean). Enough rambling, what I am getting to at is, I go through all the trouble and if she is still with him that would annoy me big time! But again I can only do what I can do. What are the chances he won't do it again? What are the chances he has done this before? Something I should not worry about. I will give it some more thought, google a bit more and figure out how to do that without getting exposed. Some of you may think what this man can do and why I am scared? Well let me tell you what I think this man can do, this man is clever he won't keep quite. He is influential, he can reach to my seniors at work, he can create problems for me if he even gets a clue. But he won't have a clue, his wife will, and she immediately will. But if she is dumb enough to tell him then I will be in trouble. I had to go into so much details because of the responses I had here. In summary, I know the 2 basic options, they won't work for me. Please suggest something better if possible. Thanks for reading anyway. Edited May 10, 2013 by venuss
SweetiePie12 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 The next time somebody robs you at gunpoint That's an unfair analogy. Two people making a decision together are not at gunpoint.
Keenly Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 The next time somebody robs you at gunpoint, I hope everybody around you minds their own business and lets that criminal lead his own life. It's not anybody's business whether you're being assaulted. Because that's totally the same thing. Its cool that you people think that you are so important that you feel the need to get involved in other peoples lives. But I dont. I really don't care if you disagree with my stance either. I believe people have the freedom to live their lives the way they wish. I'm not a person who places myself in other people's lives. I respect other people's privacy and their decisions because I expect them to do the same for me.
KathyM Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Well, I sure wasn't about to let my older sister to continue to be taken advantage of by a MM, and there is no way I'd consider that none of my business and just let him continue on, unbenounced to his wife. He needed to be exposed. My sister was not upset with us for exposing him either. She knows we have her best interests in mind and care about her. He needed to be stopped. If I had a friend or relative who I knew was being cheated on, I would not stay quiet and think it's none of my business. I would be looking out for the best interests of my friend or relative, and not some cheating MM or MW. 1
lifelesson101 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 ""The next time somebody robs you at gunpoint, I hope everybody around you minds their own business and lets that criminal lead his own life. It's not anybody's business whether you're being assaulted."" Robbing some one at gun point is a felony. The robber is also an extreme risk to public safety. How you correlate to two adults making the decision to kiss at the office is beyond me. Albeit the decision to kiss in a rather public forum maybe a bit stupid on their part . . . But they are hardly a risk to society in a life or death capacity - as is a man/woman holding a gun to your head demanding you wallet!
KathyM Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 ""The next time somebody robs you at gunpoint, I hope everybody around you minds their own business and lets that criminal lead his own life. It's not anybody's business whether you're being assaulted."" Robbing some one at gun point is a felony. The robber is also an extreme risk to public safety. How you correlate to two adults making the decision to kiss at the office is beyond me. Albeit the decision to kiss in a rather public forum maybe a bit stupid on their part . . . But they are hardly a risk to society in a life or death capacity - as is a man/woman holding a gun to your head demanding you wallet! They are a risk to the BS, her marriage, and even possibly her health. She deserves to know. 4
lifelesson101 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 They are a risk to the BS, her marriage, and even possibly her health. She deserves to know. I did not say she did not deserve to know... I was implying comparing kissing to being robbed at gun point was a bit over the top!!
KathyM Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I did not say she did not deserve to know... I was implying comparing kissing to being robbed at gun point was a bit over the top!! Was it over the top? With a robbery, you lose a small portion of your money. With an affair, you (the BS) loses her reality, her choices, her fidelity, and possibly her health if there is an STD involved. She has a right to know, and would want to know the reality from anyone willing to tell her. 1
Author venuss Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 This thread is wandering in a different direction all together. Right or wrong I am going to tell her. It has been established the only way is to email or phone. I think lets email first and if necessary, based on reply I may or may not call her. Now can someone hand held here and let me have some content that I can put together in email to make my information to her compelling?
phineas Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 This thread is wandering in a different direction all together. Right or wrong I am going to tell her. It has been established the only way is to email or phone. I think lets email first and if necessary, based on reply I may or may not call her. Now can someone hand held here and let me have some content that I can put together in email to make my information to her compelling? If you are not going to tell her in person than an email is pointless without proof. A picture with this man and woman together is really what you need if she is going to believe you. Otherwise it is a good chance she will not believe you because she doesn't want to believe you.
runningfar Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Are you sure that they are not open? I had a friend run into that before, telling, and they both were annoyed. Hand to God. Though I guess they won't necessarily be annoyed in that situation, even.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I know LS from all the support I needed while going through break-up. Well another thing has come up as if that was not enough to deal with!! There is a couple I know, they are both my friends on my FB, I met them few years back at party when we became friends and added each other. Well this man was french kissing a girl (who looked younger than him and his wife) outside my office. I was having a break with my colleague. At first, I was like, I know him, then I recalled that I am connected to him on FB (I have like 899 friends) and for the first time thoroughly checked his FB and then his wife's. They write nice things to each other, like do we not look good together etc etc. (actually I wanted to comment 'bull**it')I never took interest in them before!! But what I saw is bothering me.. Not sure who the other girl was but he is for sure cheating on his wife!! He don't know I saw him. He had his hands around her waist as they walked away. Its been bothering me more than my break-up. I want to tell his wife but I am not sure why but I feel scared of this man. What is the right way of going about it? I want to tell this women but I really don't want to get dragged into it or be exposed!! I don't have any evidence either!! He may very well deny it! What about the other girl?!! What should I do?? I would stay the hell away from this one. If you have only met them once at a party, then added them on FB and never seen them again until this kissfest of his, I would honestly just avoid the situation. You will get thrown under the bus for being a crazy woman trying to break up there marriage or something absolutely ridiculous. Lol. Its what usually happens. The wife wont believe you because she loves and trusts her husband and the reality is, she wont want to believe it. If it were someone like a friend (like an actual friend, not an FB friend you met at a party years ago and have NEVER seen again) then I would tell you to tell her, but to be honest, you will be exposed, you will be called all sorts of lovely names and no one will believe you AND they will stay together anyway. It is the nature of the beast and he will deny it. It really is best to stay out of this situation, given the circumstances.
Author venuss Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 Hmmm.. So I should not bother and let him do whatever? Anyways, I don't know what to do or say. I wonder if it's time to take TaraMaiden's opinion in this one? How do we we get her attention?
Eggplant Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Because that's totally the same thing. Its cool that you people think that you are so important that you feel the need to get involved in other peoples lives. But I dont. I really don't care if you disagree with my stance either. I believe people have the freedom to live their lives the way they wish. I'm not a person who places myself in other people's lives. I respect other people's privacy and their decisions because I expect them to do the same for me.I get involved in other peoples lives when I see one person unjustly taking advantage of and doing wrong to another person. I stand up for the victim. I don't walk past and silently allow an injustice to be committed without speaking up. You do not have the freedom to "live you life the way you wish." You may not defraud your wife. And if you do, other people with a conscience should speak up and tell her. If you don't say anything, then you are guilty too.
Eggplant Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I did not say she did not deserve to know... I was implying comparing kissing to being robbed at gun point was a bit over the top!!Would you prefer to be robbed at gun point or betrayed by your husband/wife? 1
Eggplant Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 OP -- Can you make a fake e-mail account? Maybe send it that way. You can't prove it, but you will alert the wife to be suspicious and she may investigate further herself.
Author venuss Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 OP -- Can you make a fake e-mail account? Maybe send it that way. You can't prove it, but you will alert the wife to be suspicious and she may investigate further herself. And what should I write in that email so she can start investigating?
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