Hmc1986 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I have recently just out of the blue been dumped by my boyfriend. Just two weeks ago he took me away for my birthday. The next time I saw him I sensed something was wrong as he seemed distant. Two days later he comes to my house In tears and breaks up with me. He says all the right things a girl wants to hear. He tells me he has never got on so well with someone, had so much in common with, had so many experiences with and a girl has never treated him so well BUT he can't see the long term. He loves me as a person but can't see himself falling in love with me. When he left I saw him in his car sobbing for about 5 minutes. It was only a four month relationship in which time I had fallen in love with him which I didn't tell him until he broke up with me because I didn't want our relationship to be rushed as it was we were taking it slow. I've heard from him since him saying how much guilt he feels etc. I've asked if there was somone else and he said no which I believe. I just don't know why he didn't want to give the relationship time to blossom. I thought I'd come on here it's great having views from friends but they will always be bias. Any tips or advice to ge through this horrible time would be greatly appreciated. I want to get over the mourning period as quickly as possible.
andre84 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 How old are you guys? he might just not be ready for a LTR. If it's not age/lack of experience then he's probably doing the right thing. If you feel that you shouldn't be with someone during the time you are supposed to be in the "Honeymoon" stage is very troublesome... Usually a lot of us endure BUs at the 2-3 year mark when the honeymoon stage ends and then each person can really see things clearly. Never try to force something that doesn't come naturally to both people.
ThatJustHappened Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 The good news is that it was only 4 months. He didn't string you along. But unfortunately you can't convince someone to be in love with you. If he doesn't see things working out long term, nothing you do or say is going to change his mind and the pain you will feel from trying is not worth it. Please don't waste your time trying to talk him into taking you back..that doesn't work. NC, and I hope you feel better soon.
Author Hmc1986 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 He is 29 and me 27. Was very much still enjoying the honeymoon period. Just more of a shock it coming out the blue as especially the week before he took me away and we had a great time. I'm going to bow out gracefully
Leigh 87 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 I'm sorry to hear about this. As bad as it feels, just remember that it is better that he did it now; I just got dumped after over 2 years and it felt like my world had ended. It is harder once you live with someone and your days are largely spent with them. Everything you do after the break is painful, cos your doing it alone and not with them (the shopping, driving in the car places, watvhing TV even). 4 months sounds about the right time to fall in love, from what I hear. Sounds like you felt it and he didn't. My friend who is a model and gorgeous obviously, is many guys dream; hot, studying medicine, and everything most guys want. Guys will meet her and want HER to be the girl they end up with. She is quiet nice too and very loyal! Yet.. the guys so far have not fell in love with her,, despite reallllly wanting to! Love is either there or not. No matter how much he wanted you to work. Remember, although this is hard to grasp: people can connect and have the best time together, without it leading to love. 1
Author Hmc1986 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 He had said that all he wanted to do was fall in love with me but I guess that feeling just wasn't there for him. Just the circumstances how it came about is hard to get my head round. Even at his suggestion we were looking at holidays. But on the bright side we didn't book anything. Would be easier if he wasn't so nice and upset about it. I take this as character building now
Leigh 87 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 I would have been messed up after 4 months too, cos we were very close and just.... I would not have coped well. Just be weary of men who talk about u being everything they want; guys sometimes THINK they want to find the BEST girl they can find: the best looking girl with whom they have the best connection with.... I am going to try to avoid dating men who do not have a very strong feeling for me. Here is a strategy for us to perhaps consider for men in the future: - get to KNOW the guy for a few months as friends, before dating. That way, if they are seriously capable of falling in love with you, it will be more known, as they have had a chance to see the real you. Does this make sense to anyone? It is all too common for two people to date, and then one of them falls in love and the other doesn't. Why not get to know each other as friends first, to see if a genuinely strong feeling develops.
Cate123 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I was in exactly the same position. My boyfriend of 9 months suddenly turned around saying he didn't think we were going to be together forever so we should break up (a week after telling me that we should go away for a mini break). We had an amazing relationship and got on brilliantly and he just changed his mind (he had trust/intimacy issues). I don't know what to say to you to make it better, I'm really struggling. But at the end of the day, the silver lining that I'm concentrating on is that at least it was sooner rather than later and at least we didn't live together. It can be a clean break and you can move on without the need to see him. I would say that I went NC on my ex and after a month he wanted to meet up and he told me how much he misses me, how he thinks about the fun we had etc etc. At no point did he actually say he wants to get back together......and so we're now back on NC. Don't try to be friends, it'll be so much harder. 1
Author Hmc1986 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 As much as I'm missing him and its so hard there is no way I will be able to be friends with him. If we go down that route and he finds someone else then I would just be torturing myself. I'm cutting off all contact. It was his decision which I have to respect so I'm not going to beg for him to come back. It's just refreshing to know other people have gone through this. All my friends say he will be back in contact but if he wants to try again ill always have at the back of my mind will he break my heart all over again. Aim to mend my broken heart
Author Hmc1986 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 One thing I think is his last relationship was very rushed they lived together for six months and were in a relationship for less than a year. She tuned round one day and said I'm moving to Australia so I think commitment issues is a big part of this
StraylightRun24 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Hey Hmc1986 our BUs are very similar so I know exactly how you're feeling. You went from being on top of the world to being plunged into the depths of hell in such a short time that it's extremely hard to wrap your head around. I just wanted to say to keep your head held high and listen to some of the advice being given out in this thread because it is all wise. Here is my BU story from a few months ago that also has some stellar advice from some of the wise (and unfortunately heartbroken) posters here on LS. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/369938-broken-up-because-lack-spark 1
Author Hmc1986 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Your right out situations are very similar. I had been te happiest I had been this year and now a dark cloud has come over. He said about the friends thing and when we were together for his birthday I booked us both for a snow board lesson. When he broke up with me I gave him back his level 1 certificate so he can go on to do level 2 to which he said he would like to do that with me. I'm not getting in contact that in a way is self harm and I don't think I can take much pain. Yeah 4 months sounds short but when you feel so connected to someone and fall in love as I did time doesn't make it any easier. We had so many new experiences together we weren't a couple to stay in we would always be out exploring and doing new things. I think he will respect me and not get in contact me as I said I couldn't be friends. It's refreshing coming from a male point of view that this has happened to if the makes sense?
StraylightRun24 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I emphasize with you Hmc1986. It sounds like you were in the very same stage of the relationship as I was. You know the stage where you finally stop worrying that maybe you like the person a little more than they like you and you get that "I'm falling in love" feeling and start dreaming and planning for the near future with the person..... BAM all those hopes and dreams are shattered. Ugh.....I'm 4 months out and it still makes me feel like utter crap! Please try to remember that if he doesn't contact you from here on out he's actually doing your a favor and respecting you. I haven't heard from my ex since a couple of days after the BU and as you read in my thread it's because I asked her not to. I constantly have an internal struggle thinking, "I wonder if she misses/thinks of me? Well I guess I meant squat to her cause she hasn't even attempted to contact me, etc." Hopefully you're not as neurotic as me and won't do this! I assure you that to some extent he does miss you and will think of you on occasion but sadly not in the way you want.
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