pink_sugar Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 So my mom isn't going to my graduation, no big deal as I know they cannot afford to go out of state. She's coming to the party the week before and she wants me to tell my friend who usually stays with us to stay at a hotel. Not sure how my friend's finances are, but I told my mom my friend could sleep over Friday night and go home after the party so they can stay with us on Saturday night. I don't think that's unreasonable. I feel like it's rude to invite a friend I hardly see to a party and then expect her to stay in a hotel after spending hours to get here by train and bus. My mom's excuse is that she wants to leave home Friday night due to traffic and refuses to leave Saturday morning. They HAVE to spend both nights at our place to make the party. My friend has already asked for time off of work and I don't want to be rude and ask her to stay at a hotel the whole time. She probably wouldn't be able to go then.
arthus1 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 So my mom isn't going to my graduation, no big deal as I know they cannot afford to go out of state. She's coming to the party the week before and she wants me to tell my friend who usually stays with us to stay at a hotel. Not sure how my friend's finances are, but I told my mom my friend could sleep over Friday night and go home after the party so they can stay with us on Saturday night. I don't think that's unreasonable. I feel like it's rude to invite a friend I hardly see to a party and then expect her to stay in a hotel after spending hours to get here by train and bus. My mom's excuse is that she wants to leave home Friday night due to traffic and refuses to leave Saturday morning. They HAVE to spend both nights at our place to make the party. My friend has already asked for time off of work and I don't want to be rude and ask her to stay at a hotel the whole time. She probably wouldn't be able to go then. It's politics. Your mom sounds like she has her mind made up, not much else you can do.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 Could you borrow a blow up mattress and turn it into a slumber party? Congrats! 2
UpwardForward Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I'm assuming you already had accommodations for the two of them at your place? You may have to give your mother the best of the rooms/bed, and letting her know it's not feasible to put your other guest in a hotel.
Author pink_sugar Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 No matter how much I try to work this out with my mom, she said she'd even tell my friend about the situation herself if I don't. She isn't taking no for an answer. I don't know what to do. I hardly get to see that friend very often (maybe once a year), so in this case, it is more important that she come since I see my parents and brother considerably more often.
UpwardForward Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 No matter how much I try to work this out with my mom, she said she'd even tell my friend about the situation herself if I don't. She isn't taking no for an answer. I don't know what to do. I hardly get to see that friend very often (maybe once a year), so in this case, it is more important that she come since I see my parents and brother considerably more often. Since it's not the graduation, and only the party - you may have to just tell your mother that there will be no alternate plans. That both she and your friend to stay at your place. (and as I mentioned before, this is assuming you have beds for each.) 2
UpwardForward Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I've been through this before. Upon learning I wanted to go out w friends after my jr high graduation, my mother refused to go. So I stayed home and gave my extra tickets to a classmate to accommodate their added guests. I thank God, I want more for my kids - and I don't mind blending in.
Author pink_sugar Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Since it's not the graduation, and only the party - you may have to just tell your mother that there will be no alternate plans. That both she and your friend to stay at your place. (and as I mentioned before, this is assuming you have beds for each.) We have a one bedroom apartment, so accommodating 5 people would be difficult. (My mom and stepdad take up the living room and us the bedroom). I guess I am just going to have to tell her how it's going to be. She doesn't want to drive down the following night so my friend can stay the first night and my she can stay the following. She just expects that my friend will get a hotel the whole time. Then she accuses me of "not putting family first". I mean, if she can't go, she can't go. If a small inconvenience like that isn't worth coming for, then she shouldn't come.
UpwardForward Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 We have a one bedroom apartment, so accommodating 5 people would be difficult. (My mom and stepdad take up the living room and us the bedroom). I guess I am just going to have to tell her how it's going to be. She doesn't want to drive down the following night so my friend can stay the first night and my she can stay the following. She just expects that my friend will get a hotel the whole time. Then she accuses me of "not putting family first". I mean, if she can't go, she can't go. If a small inconvenience like that isn't worth coming for, then she shouldn't come. I didn't know about your stepfather. And also I didn't comprehend earlier: That you needed for them to stay at your place separate nights. Tell your mother, it will just be this time. And that sending friend to a hotel would be rude and an unneeded financial burden for all. That you need for them to come separate nights. Imo, your parents should want to stay in a hotel. 4
Author pink_sugar Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Thanks for the advice. I think she's doing everything she can to guilt trip me, from saying we're putting family out and then trying to say they may not be able to go and therefore my brother cannot go. IMO, if they cannot handle a small one night of inconvenience, then my graduation must not be that important. (They aren't attending the actual graduation because it's too far and cannot afford it). I am going to tell my mom no is no. This is my big day, not hers and I don't need the stress. 1
sb129 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 how come they can afford to come for a party but not the graduation? did you go to school somewhere different to where you live?
Author pink_sugar Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Yes, the party is in-state and the graduation is out of state.
sb129 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 OK got it. Sorry your mothers poor behaviour is spoiling what should be an exciting weekend for you.
sb129 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Suggestions: Do you have a friend nearby that one of your guests could stay with? Or could your husband go and stay with a friend so that your friend can bunk in with you? FAiling that, do you have a backyard and a tent??! 2
turnera Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 "Mom, I'm sorry to hear you feel you can't sleep in the same apartment as my friend. Since I rarely get to see my friend, I'm afraid I'll just have to invite her anyway; you're free to get your own hotel room, since you two have your own way of earning a living and she's just a college student. I hope you come anyway!" 2
Author pink_sugar Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Suggestions: Do you have a friend nearby that one of your guests could stay with? Or could your husband go and stay with a friend so that your friend can bunk in with you? FAiling that, do you have a backyard and a tent??! They do have the option of also staying with my grandmother (mom's mom) who has the same size apartment as us. My mom's reasoning before my brother was coming with them was that 'her and my grandmother have different sleeping schedules so it's not convenient' now it's 'your brother is staying there, so we cannot stay there'. Baloney. At least one of them could still stay there and then my friend staying over at the same time would be no problem! Our place is the same size as my grandmother's. 1
sb129 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 So they have alternative options- your friend doesn't. Easy! (for me to say!) 4
2sure Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I think you better ask your friend if she still even wants any part of this storm. As a guest, I wouldn't want to be in that position.
Author pink_sugar Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) I cannot believe I have to say this, but my mom is being a total ***** blaming her own problems on me and then telling me to apologize to her because I told her to stop "b****ing" at me. I didn't do anything wrong except explain something and she flipped out and took her issues out on me. She says I should be doing everything possible for her to attend my graduation if I really want her to go. She is the one who should be making the effort to come or at least try and be reasonable. I told her we aren't driving out of state because we need car repairs and flying instead because my dad is assisting with that cost. Of course she told me to tell my friend to stay in a hotel and I told her my position, she stays a night and my friend stays a night or she stays with grandma for one night. Of course she is guilt tripping me, but I am not going to fall for it. I told her if it's too much of an inconvenience for her to go to my grad party and if she continues to make excuses for not coming to a compromise, then she shouldn't come. I've had it with her attitude. Edited May 17, 2013 by pink_sugar 1
dreamingoftigers Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I cannot believe I have to say this, but my mom is being a total ***** blaming her own problems on me and then telling me to apologize to her because I told her to stop "b****ing" at me. I didn't do anything wrong except explain something and she flipped out and took her issues out on me. She says I should be doing everything possible for her to attend my graduation if I really want her to go. She is the one who should be making the effort to come or at least try and be reasonable. I told her we aren't driving out of state because we need car repairs and flying instead because my dad is assisting with that cost. Of course she told me to tell my friend to stay in a hotel and I told her my position, she stays a night and my friend stays a night or she stays with grandma for one night. Of course she is guilt tripping me, but I am not going to fall for it. I told her if it's too much of an inconvenience for her to go to my grad party and if she continues to make excuses for not coming to a compromise, then she shouldn't come. I've had it with her attitude. So she's essentially made her own plans and invited herself over when it isn't convenient and now she's mad that you won't bend your plans? On your graduation etc.? Nor will she take or make any alternate arrangements to attend. Sounds like she needs to stay home. My parents acted like this about my wedding and they nearly stayed home too. What these people REPEATEDLY don't get is that the celebration is about YOU and them sharing it with YOU. Not about you having achieved something and now you need to do someone to validate just how freaking "special" they are. And do everything you can to make them feels the "most special" on an occasion that SHOULD BE special for YOU. They don't want to celebrate your day. They want you to celebrate them. Pass. 2
UpwardForward Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I agree PS. Love is accommodating you, not burdening. Believe it or not, my experience is: they get better/more mellow w age. 1
Author pink_sugar Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 Looks like my mom finally relented and will stay part of the time at my grandmother's. Looks like standing up for myself paid off, just had to set my foot down and tell her how it was, even if she had a ton of complaints. 5
turnera Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Awesome! You're learning that complaints can't hurt you, if you don't let them. 1
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