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Maybe you "ugly" guys can try this

Treasa

By Treasa
in General Relationship Discussion

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Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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They are not being pissy about life at least not in this thread. They are being pissy about your choice of examples. Most regular guys cannot equate themselves to famous actors, rock stars, etc. Regular guys see these famous/status men as so far above themselves in the mating hierarchy that there is no way they could compete. Thus when you tell regular guys to emulate famous/status men it leaves most scratching their heads and wondering what difference it could possibly make. Which lead most of the men here to post detracting statements. Of course you would date famous/status men. No shock there at all. It just leaves regular guys, especially those unsuccessful with women, with an even greater sense of futility.

 

I can't really use the example of a non-famous guy I know that they don't. It would mean nothing. I didn't say, "Look like Krasinski and be famous and have a lot of money." I said try doing what they were doing in that particular clip, which was letting go, having fun, exuding confidence, that kind of thing.

 

I'm not saying to emulate the men, I'm saying to emulate the behavior, or find something akin to it that works for them.

 

And no, I would not date a famous man. I don't even know where you got that from.

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Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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She's wrong on most of her points with a high and mighty attitude. How is she helping anyone?

 

Ok, I have to admit that I'm laughing. The more you say this about me, the more flattered I feel that I'm getting this much attention. :love:

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Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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Your shamelessness doesn't surprise at all.

 

Thank you. :D

Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

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They are not being pissy about life at least not in this thread. They are being pissy about your choice of examples. Most regular guys cannot equate themselves to famous actors, rock stars, etc. Regular guys see these famous/status men as so far above themselves in the mating hierarchy that there is no way they could compete. Thus when you tell regular guys to emulate famous/status men it leaves most scratching their heads and wondering what difference it could possibly make. Which lead most of the men here to post detracting statements. Of course you would date famous/status men. No shock there at all. It just leaves regular guys, especially those unsuccessful with women, with an even greater sense of futility.

 

Ok... well

is the type of guy that I'm attracted to! *swoons* :love:

 

I've had a humongous crush on him for years! :love:

 

So, the question is, does me admitting this make you feel any better about your chances with women?

 

I'm guessing not. As likely you will either not believe me, even if I were to swear on Zoidberg's life that I was telling the truth. Or else you likely will accuse me of being an incredibly rare exception among the female population, and thus proclaim that any "small percentage" of women out there who, like me, happen to be attracted to "regular" laid back, open minded guys, aren't even worth considering.

 

*Sighs*

 

Is there anything I could tell you that would make you feel more positive about your chances with women?

 

Because I honestly think that a positive attitude and outlook on life, together with a mind open enough to recognize that all women are different and are attracted to different things, would improve your chances with women no end.

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Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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Ok... well
is the type of guy that I'm attracted to! *swoons* :love:

 

I've had a humongous crush on him for years! :love:

 

So, the question is, does me admitting this make you feel any better about your chances with women?

 

I'm guessing not. As likely you will either not believe me, even if I were to swear on Zoidberg's life that I was telling the truth. Or else you likely will accuse me of being an incredibly rare exception among the female population, and thus proclaim that any "small percentage" of women out there who, like me, happen to be attracted to "regular" laid back, open minded guys, aren't even worth considering.

 

*Sighs*

 

Is there anything I could tell you that would make you feel more positive about your chances with women?

 

Because I honestly think that a positive attitude and outlook on life, together with a mind open enough to recognize that all women are different and are attracted to different things, would improve your chances with women no end.

 

Ahahahahaha!! I love it!

carhill Established Member

carhill

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Guys, show of hands.... how many of you believe that women are individuals?

 

Having dated many, been in relationships with a few, and being married to one, and interacting with tens of thousands, historically, I've always believed that women are individuals. That said, when certain patterns are observed and identified, those can be commented on in the realm of subjective experience.

 

Guys, how many of you go out looking for a woman who meets a negative stereotype you have observed? How many of you are looking for a positive and healthy partnership? If you happen to meet more examples of the negative stereotype along the way, do you feel you were actively searching them out or it was, as life is, a continuum of individual moments and experiences?

 

Can you accept that you can have the attributes as provided by the OP in the first post and still be unattractive to women you meet? Can you accept that you may never meet a woman like the OP represents herself to be, as far as the bullet points of attraction are concerned? With billions in the world, even accepting that those aspects of attraction may be spread across individuals, it is possible that you'll never meet one and, if you do, she might not be available or she might have changed her mind.

 

You can do all the 'right' things and have all the 'right' stuff and still, in the realm of successful relationships, be 'Ugly Betty'. That's how life goes sometimes, and it in no way diminishes one's humanity or value as a human being in this world.

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Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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Guys, show of hands.... how many of you believe that women are individuals?

 

Having dated many, been in relationships with a few, and being married to one, and interacting with tens of thousands, historically, I've always believed that women are individuals. That said, when certain patterns are observed and identified, those can be commented on in the realm of subjective experience.

 

Guys, how many of you go out looking for a woman who meets a negative stereotype you have observed? How many of you are looking for a positive and healthy partnership? If you happen to meet more examples of the negative stereotype along the way, do you feel you were actively searching them out or it was, as life is, a continuum of individual moments and experiences?

 

Can you accept that you can have the attributes as provided by the OP in the first post and still be unattractive to women you meet? Can you accept that you may never meet a woman like the OP represents herself to be, as far as the bullet points of attraction are concerned? With billions in the world, even accepting that those aspects of attraction may be spread across individuals, it is possible that you'll never meet one and, if you do, she might not be available or she might have changed her mind.

 

You can do all the 'right' things and have all the 'right' stuff and still, in the realm of successful relationships, be 'Ugly Betty'. That's how life goes sometimes, and it in no way diminishes one's humanity or value as a human being in this world.

 

I agree with you. However, I still think being happy and confident are more attractive than mopey and angry.

 

And I still, as always, advise being happy on your own. That is something that cannot be taken from you. :D

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carhill Established Member

carhill

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So, show us your clone, presuming you're not an identical twin. That would cover appearance. Even twins can have and often do have vastly different personalities. Beyond that, each of us is unique and, since none of us can read other's minds, we have no way of knowing, for sure, what resides within in the realm of what 'individuality' is. Hence, the default is everyone is individual, and 'statistics' group individuals into compartments of apparently similar observed appearance, behavior, personality, intellect, etc, etc. The statistics examine a microcosm of who the individual is.

 

As an example, the OP could meet a man today who exactly and precisely meets what she asserts to be 'attractive' and she *could* find him either attractive or unattractive. If she is a slave to statistics, you or I would know, in advance, which way the ax will fall. We don't. No one does. Not even her. That's the essence of 'individual'.

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Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

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Ahahahahaha!! I love it!

 

Well its an embarrassing thing to admit :o, and I'd bet every jelly bean I have that the one's who are determined to stay bitter - either won't believe me, will remain trapped in their negative mind sets, or will just ignore me completely... probably all 3 ultimately...

 

But as all other lines of logic seem to have fallen on blind eyes so far, seemed worth a shot! :p

 

I wonder how many jelly beans I could make if I actually made a jelly bean based bet on this... Mmm...

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Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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As an example, the OP could meet a man today who exactly and precisely meets what she asserts to be 'attractive' and she *could* find him either attractive or unattractive. If she is a slave to statistics, you or I would know, in advance, which way the ax will fall. We don't. No one does. Not even her. That's the essence of 'individual'.

 

That would be the most fun decision I would be able to make today. :D

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Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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Well its an embarrassing thing to admit :o, and I'd bet every jelly bean I have that the one's who are determined to stay bitter - either won't believe me, will remain trapped in their negative mind sets, or will just ignore me completely... probably all 3 ultimately...

 

But as all other lines of logic seem to have fallen on blind eyes so far, seemed worth a shot! :p

 

I wonder how many jelly beans I could make if I actually made a jelly bean based bet on this... Mmm...

 

Maybe, but there could be someone who's lurking who's thinking about what we're saying and perhaps opening his or her mind some.

 

Or maybe everyone just thinks we're "wrong" :rolleyes: and don't get it. I'm fine either way.

 

Ideally I'd like others to be happy, but I can live with the fact that others will behave as they want to and not necessarily how I want them to.

 

Also, now I want some jelly beans!

Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

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..However, I still think being happy and confident are more attractive than mopey and angry.

 

And I still, as always, advise being happy on your own. That is something that cannot be taken from you. :D

 

Spot on! :D

 

Happiness comes from within.

 

There are

, with little more than a cardboard shack for a house, who still manage to foster a positive outlook and are still able to make the most of what they do have. :)
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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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I just read over the first four pages or so and the point of this thread is that guys that are very confident and very funny are attractive to women?

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Because I honestly think that a positive attitude and outlook on life, together with a mind open enough to recognize that all women are different and are attracted to different things, would improve your chances with women no end.

When a man has been rejected by a lot of women it's very hard to accept that all women are different.

 

From my experiences, women seem to be similar in all the big important ways.

 

Yeah one girl may really like Futurama and another may love Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, but when they both reject me, they're pretty much the same in the end.

 

BTW I actually did use real life examples.

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Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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When a man has been rejected by a lot of women it's very hard to accept that all women are different.

 

From my experiences, women seem to be similar in all the big important ways.

 

Yeah one girl may really like Futurama and another may love Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, but when they both reject me, they're pretty much the same in the end.

 

BTW I actually did use real life examples.

 

I would guess that at this point the problem isn't the women. Maybe you have to look inside you and figure out what's not attractive and change it.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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I would guess that at this point the problem isn't the women. Maybe you have to look inside you and figure out what's not attractive and change it.

I already know what the problem is.

 

If it can be fixed and how is what I'm stuck on. Essentially I need to change my personality and sense of humor and become a more extreme version of myself so women will be able to look past the physical. That thought in itself is very depressing.

ScreamingTrees Established Member

ScreamingTrees

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I've been rejected by a girl who exclusively dates ugly guys..

 

Eh, I'm lying... It was several girls, it was actually an "ugly guy x hot girl" fetish club that I walked in on one time, they kicked me out and whooped my ass before throwing me in a dumpster. I think one of them actually tagged me with some red tracking device, like some sort of meta-ugly animal, I don't think it's a good thing.. :confused:

 

Oh, I'll be right back, guys. Somebody's at the door! Who could it be at 3 in the morning?

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Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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I already know what the problem is.

 

If it can be fixed and how is what I'm stuck on. Essentially I need to change my personality and sense of humor and become a more extreme version of myself so women will be able to look past the physical. That thought in itself is very depressing.

 

I've suggested things you can read and do, but you've never mentioned doing any of them.

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Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

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Separated at birth identical twins end up being exactly alike.

 

I did a Biochemistry degree and studied genetics and epigenetics in detail. Your statement is untrue.

 

Different environments will generate different epigenomic structures and patterns of transcribed genes in each of the identical twins, leaving them phenotypically non-identical. This is even true for twins who aren't separated at birth, as the type and range of environmental stimuli they are exposed to will naturally be slightly different. But even more epigenetic differences tend to be seen when monozygotic (identical) twins are separated for long periods of time.

 

I recommend you read up on epigenetic studies that have been done with monozygotic twins. Its amazing what scientific studies can show us. :)

 

The this article may prove to be a good starting point. :)

 

Identical twins often develop different characteristics, even though they carry the same sequence of DNA nucleotides. How can this be?

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Revolver Established Member

Revolver

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Spot on! :D

 

Happiness comes from within.

 

There are

, with little more than a cardboard shack for a house, who still manage to foster a positive outlook and are still able to make the most of what they do have. :)

 

The problem with this is, "having a positive outlook" has nothing to do with results. In our society your judged and your success comes from what you bring to the table... Period.

 

I'm tired of people pushing this idea that the reason some people fail in dating(and pretty much every aspect of life) because of their attitude or being a good or bad person. It's just not true

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Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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The problem with this is, "having a positive outlook" has nothing to do with results. In our society your judged and your success comes from what you bring to the table... Period.

 

I'm tired of people pushing this idea that the reason some people fail in dating(and pretty much every aspect of life) because of their attitude or being a good or bad person. It's just not true

 

These two statements seem like a contradiction in my mind. I bring a great attitude to the table. I've gotten amazing results.

Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

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The problem with this is, "having a positive outlook" has nothing to do with results. In our society your judged and your success comes from what you bring to the table... Period.

 

I'm tired of people pushing this idea that the reason some people fail in dating(and pretty much every aspect of life) because of their attitude or being a good or bad person. It's just not true

 

Having a positive attitude may not get you results, but it certainly helps where dating is concerned and in many aspects of life.

 

Whereas in contrast, having a negative attitude will tend to decrease success in dating and in many other aspects of life.

 

In addition, having a positive attitude can help you feel better about your life as it is right now, while you work towards bettering things for yourself in the future. :)

Edited by Xinreeki
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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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I've suggested things you can read and do, but you've never mentioned doing any of them.

And I said some things back to you.

Revolver Established Member

Revolver

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These two statements seem like a contradiction in my mind. I bring a great attitude to the table. I've gotten amazing results.

 

Because what you bring to the table comes first. For example Michael Jordan was an ******* and was extremely selfis but he was a great basketball player so no one cared and he was very successful. His personality Was irrelavant because of what he brought to the table(Great skills on the court/Marketing and endorsing money/Sneaker money etc)

 

Positive thinking, like being a great person is worthless if you bring nothing to the table that people value

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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The problem with this is, "having a positive outlook" has nothing to do with results. In our society your judged and your success comes from what you bring to the table... Period.

 

I'm tired of people pushing this idea that the reason some people fail in dating(and pretty much every aspect of life) because of their attitude or being a good or bad person. It's just not true

 

I hear you, but 3 things.

 

1. How do you know having a positive outlook works or not? Have you tried it?

 

2. Whether you fail or not, having a positive outlook ensures people won't think you're a whiny annoying person who bitches all the time.

 

3. The focus on results and nothing else generally diminishes the significant of the journey to get there. Central importance to the individual themselves, rather than everyone else who only notices the results and draws their own conclusions.

 

 

And before you (general you) point out that only men aren't allowed to complain - let us consider the similarly extreme views/posts of a few female posters of a similar variety who have been similarly criticized for being whiny. Moaners of both genders annoy everybody :laugh:

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