profgirl2003 Posted September 25, 2004 Posted September 25, 2004 I have been contacted by an old friend. I knew this person when we were both married and neighbors in a subdivision. Back then we just related to each other and each others' spouses as casual friends. Now this guy comes along and wants to rekindle the relationship from the past--only with a twist. He claims to have been attracted to me from way back when, but since we were both married, he respected that. Okay. Now we are both divorced and he plays the game of being noncommittal. He asserts that I am too busy when in fact, he works away from the city where he lives and he lives about 45minutes from where I live. I tell him to stop with the "you're too busy" thing and that if he isn't interested, don't fake it--as if i would fall to pieces if he were honest with me. I tell him that he isn't around enough for me to consider a relationship with him--especially since he does the "when can we go out again thing, but won't actually committ to going out on a specific date. he just says it's up to me--more like a symbolic "i asked you out but you never told me when you wanted to go." At this, he scoffs and argues that he is around and that I am just bitter from my divorce and that I have trust issues. I tell him that I am not going to play the game of trying to prove to him something. He can believe what he likes, but I have needs and one of them is that if I consider someone a significant partner, then that person would be around more. I tell him that he doesn't call often enough to warrant any belief that he's serious and he certainly doesn't visit enough for that either. Again, I get the you are bitter thing. I asked him if he has resolved his divorce issues by processing them with a therapist or acknowledging them on his own. To this he says, "I have no issues and I an not mad and nothing bothers me. It's you who thinks all men have problems because you haven't recovered from your divorce." I told him that I have been divorced for six years and that I have gotten professional help and family support to which I have had to face some of my involvement in the ending of my marriage. I can admit that I have issues but I don't want to be with someone who is not self-reflective at this point in my life--someone like him. My question is this: are all men this way? Do divorced women get this no matter what? Do all men think they were perfect in relationships? Is it an male trait to feel like there is no need to be self-reflective?
bluechocolate Posted September 25, 2004 Posted September 25, 2004 My question is this: are all men this way? No. He says he likes you & then tells you you're bitter & have unresolved issues?! This guy sounds like a flake. Give him the flick.
sweetadeline Posted September 25, 2004 Posted September 25, 2004 This guy sounds like an expert at avoiding *any* responsibility for his own behavior. And, what's worse, he turns every opportunity for doing so into an attack on you. Run, do not walk, in the other direction.
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