Delilah1623 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Hi Everyone, This is my first time posting and I am looking for some advise and suggestions on how to deal with trust issues in a new relationship. I will put my questions first as my story is kind of long and complicated but you can keep reading for additional details of you would like. I am looking for suggestions on people that have been in a similar situation where their past issues cause them to be highly oversensitive to trust issues with a new partner and how you overcame them. I am a 28 year old divorced woman. My ex-husband was not a bad person but I was 17 and he was 19 when we stored dating and ended up growing to want different things out of life. There was co cheating and the divorce was civil and we remain casual friends. The divorce process began around June of 2011. Following the divorce my mother, who had been abusive both physically and emotionally until I was about 13, decided the divorce was my fault and has refused almost all contact with me. We have had contact less than a handful of times in almost two years. Then enter the thing i dated after my divorce for about 4 months. To keep it short he was a pathological liar. Lied to me about his name. his past, his job, where we was, what he was doing. There were red flags but I was basically scared to be alone after my divorce and being disowned by my family and I stupidly stayed and ignored the red flags. This creature is now in jail, owes me over $20,000 which I will never see and basically destroyed the life I had built for myself and get me to the verge of bankruptcy as well as a year long battle with PTSD, depression and anxiety. I finally felt I was ready for a relationship and after some casual dating met a man who has been amazing in almost every way and I am developing strong feelings for him. I made him aware of my trust issues and fear of abandonment and he has been very good about letting me know that he wants to be with me, has no plans to leave me and is hoping our relationship will go somewhere long time. He has made me happier in the little over a month we have been together than I have been in a very long time. I have been trying very hard to trust him and not taking my past issues out on him and comparing him to my ex. He admitted to me yesterday that in the beginning of our courtship, before we were official, he was contacted by a woman he knew through work that she missed seeing her eye candy and he replied back that he missed seeing her too. She responded asking him to get together but he did not reply. She also messaged him on Facebook after our relationship became "Facebook official" wanting to know who I was (this he told me about right away.) I had asked him about this woman a couple times because I felt there was more to the story then he originally told me and yesterday is when he finally told me the above. Rationally I know it is not a huge deal and it was before we were official and it was more of a flirty off handed remark with no real meaning behind it but I am also upset that he did not tell me the whole story the first time I asked. My past trust issues are now coming up and I now I am doubting other things which I know it's fair, mature or the right way to handle this. He has been great otherwise, this is the only hiccup in over a month of dating and I do want to see where this is going and not mess it up if possible. Thanks for any advice you may have!
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