affairaddict Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I found a lump and engaged man was first one I told as we spoke every day and the EA was deep in terms of how much we told each other. He was very understanding and good support to me then. 14 days nearly NC today I had biopsies and scans and the doctor says it looks very suspicious and just waiting now to see how bad it is. I know he will be worried about me and upset I'm sure. In fact I can sense it but obviously I'm completely floored and we aren't talking and Im craving him to comfort me; and he's not broken NC which I respect but I don't care if he does and I know it's a bad time for me and this is not good for me with the possible big C . I'm not thinking straight.
sybo24 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 So sorry for what you are going through. I had a lump last year that turned out to be nothing but I remember how I felt at the time. My exMM came with me for the first appiointment but I found him useless in the situation. I thought he would be perfect and caring and be the one who would hold me and tell me everything would be alright. After he went back to work and left me alone. I should have realised then what a waste of time he was. Do you have family or friends who could off you a cuddle and support. Good luck with the outcome xx 1
Got it Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I am sorry and thinking good thoughts for you ((((((aa)))))))))
Goodbye Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I'm not sure what to tell you about the NC. I am very sorry you are having to deal with such stress. I do hope you get good results back from your biopsies and your fears are relieved.
stillafool Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I too had a lump sometime ago and it turned out to be a cyst. It is very scary waiting for results so I understand how you feel. I hope you have friends and family around to support you during this time. I agree it is best to leave MM alone and not break NC. Depend on your family and friends. 1
KathyM Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Family and friends are your support group to help you through this. The drama and baggage of a MM would just create stress for you at a time you need to minimize the stress in your life. Stay strong and look to those who have your best interests at heart and who can help you through this--your family and friends. Good luck with your tests. I hope the results turn out well for you. 1
carhill Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Best wishes for a positive outcome with your diagnosis and now would be a great time to lean on friends you trust. Knowing how complicated EA's can be, breaking NC would IMO detract from the focus on your health. My sympathies. 1
Author affairaddict Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Thanks guys. I'm gonna continue with the NC he doesn't need to know how I am. It's a shame I don't have my own partner to lean on but I do have my friends and family xx hugs 1
georgia girl Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 I had a very, very serious ovarian cancer scare just over a year ago. It's the worst. I literally did the, "Don't panic yet, but..." conversations at least 6-8 times. And unfortunately, ovarian cancer is not easily curable. I know how you feel. So, let me first offer the calm, clinical words that you need to hear: you finding a lump is better statistically than never finding it. If it is the worst, you've got a 90% cure rate. What does that mean? It means that breast cancer is now considered almost an acute disease, not a life-threatening illness. It's still 6-8 months worth of sickness but you will survive. Now, for the more reassuring words: you will get support not just from the family and friends that you can count on, but the ones you didn't realize you could count on. You will find a strength that you didn't know you had. And when you come out of this, you will feel like you can conquer anything. A man right now isn't as important as support from people who love you, regardless of gender or role. You will beat this and then you will be the most bad-@ss person you know! Stay strong. Post often. People care. 5
latergater Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 I found a lump and engaged man was first one I told as we spoke every day and the EA was deep in terms of how much we told each other. He was very understanding and good support to me then. 14 days nearly NC today I had biopsies and scans and the doctor says it looks very suspicious and just waiting now to see how bad it is. I know he will be worried about me and upset I'm sure. In fact I can sense it but obviously I'm completely floored and we aren't talking and Im craving him to comfort me; and he's not broken NC which I respect but I don't care if he does and I know it's a bad time for me and this is not good for me with the possible big C . I'm not thinking straight. Don't worry. These things usually turn out to be nothing. Please, do not worry yourself until there is a need to. I had one last year as well and was back at the doctors numerous times. It turned out to be nothing but scar tissue. Scar tissue from what? No clue. So please do not worry. We will put our warm thoughts and best wishes out for you.. it will all turn out to be okay. take care of yourself.
whichwayisup Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Good thoughts only! Biopsy's are scary and not knowing is the worst as your mind goes to those dark places..I feel for you. Sending you lots of positive energy, prayers and good thoughts! As for your engaged guy, don't. Just don't. I know you want him to be there, to support you, to hold your hand - But he can't be there the way you want him to be. Rely on your family, good friends instead. They are the ones who will get you through this. 1
krazikat Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 I found a lump and engaged man was first one I told as we spoke every day and the EA was deep in terms of how much we told each other. He was very understanding and good support to me then. 14 days nearly NC today I had biopsies and scans and the doctor says it looks very suspicious and just waiting now to see how bad it is. I know he will be worried about me and upset I'm sure. In fact I can sense it but obviously I'm completely floored and we aren't talking and Im craving him to comfort me; and he's not broken NC which I respect but I don't care if he does and I know it's a bad time for me and this is not good for me with the possible big C . I'm not thinking straight. AA, I am sending you hugs and positive thoughts. I must be emotional today, reading this thread has brought tears to my eyes. Just thinking of the way the ws play the women or men in their lives, the hurt and confusion and all that. You do not need that, and you dont need a partner. That mindset just leaves you open for another bad relationship. I know because I have been there. YOU DO NOT NEED HIM....even if right now you feel like you do, and I know it hurts and even more with everything you are dealing with. Please, focus on yourself. This is likely just a scare...happens all the time. I had a female area scare like that, it was gone before the removal procedure on its own. But yes, very scary. Surround yourself with good friends and family. FOCUS ON LOVING YOU!!!! You can be happy and whole without a partner. Okay, yall might get tired of me saying this but seriously, pamper yourself...a massage or even a spa day, girls night out, a vacation with a close friend to a place you have always wanted to go. Focus on you, how awesome and amazing you are, take care of yourself. I am so sorry you are going through this. Please know that you have support here, and keep your head high. You will be okay. And keep us updated! 1
Author affairaddict Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 I'm scared as today is my results day. Apart from a poke on Facebook he's not messaged me to ask how I am. I'm so hurt and angry about it. I know we agreed never to talk again but irrational side is saying he never cared about me at all. All that talking every day for a year and just nothing. I guess the poke was saying I'm thinking about you. But anyway I'm so angry with him.
Summer Breeze Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I'm scared as today is my results day. Apart from a poke on Facebook he's not messaged me to ask how I am. I'm so hurt and angry about it. I know we agreed never to talk again but irrational side is saying he never cared about me at all. All that talking every day for a year and just nothing. I guess the poke was saying I'm thinking about you. But anyway I'm so angry with him. Picture you poking him back with a big stick. Maybe in his eye! And the stick's sharp! Breathe deep and keep going. Let us know your results and let us celebrate with you when you get the good news! As far as him. He has the life he wanted and he has no right to know how you are. His choice and his consequences. Next time he pokes you why don't you take a screenshot and email it to his fiancée. Or at least threaten him that you're going to and get the a$$ to stop. You don't need him and he doesn't deserve you. Big prayers and good thoughts for you AA. 1
Author affairaddict Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Haha stick in the eye I will come back tomorrow and let you lovely lot know how I got on. Xx 2
Author affairaddict Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 It's not great news. I have breast cancer stage 3. Surgery chemo the works being thrown at me. I'm a bit shocked but will beat this . If anything can take your mind off NC it's this. Haha ok bit extreme. I've kept NC although he will know. Anyway just focusing on getting better. Thanks for your support x
Praying4Peace Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Dear AA, You can DO this. Keep positive! We are all here for you and so many others will be praying that you beat this. You are a strong woman and lots of prayers and positive thoughts coming your way. (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))) P4P 1
whichwayisup Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 It's not great news. I have breast cancer stage 3. Surgery chemo the works being thrown at me. I'm a bit shocked but will beat this . If anything can take your mind off NC it's this. Haha ok bit extreme. I've kept NC although he will know. Anyway just focusing on getting better. Thanks for your support x Really sorry to hear this news, my prayers and good positive thoughts to you on this. You can beat this! And, you do NOT need your (ex)MM during this time. He will just bring unnecessary drama and stress into your life and right now you need peace, positive enery and calmness. NC = No new hurts! Remember that. Rely on your family and good friends. PS DELETE him off of your facebook and block him. No more poking. it's pointless.
Summer Breeze Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I'm so sorry to hear your news AA. As everyone here has said keep using us as your sounding board and to give you strength when you feel like you have none. You will beat this and we'll all be here cheering you on! I agree with WWIU. Delete and block him from you totally. He doesn't deserve to know what's going on in your life. Huge hugs.
georgia girl Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Just catching up on this. I'm so sorry for your diagnosis. But PLEASE REMEMBER that breast cancer has over a 90% cure rate. You are tough enough for this. You will survive this. And in the end, you will be amazed at your strength!!! In the end, you will also be the most beautiful woman you know and you will find someone who will be amazed that a woman of such strength and beauty would ever be with him. You have an amazing future ahead. Keep your eyes on that prize as the next weeks and months get tough. I genuinely care. Please take care of yourself.
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