AttemptingtoHeal Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I was the OW. I didn't know he was married. I found out later. They had separated and had separate addresses. Fast forward 3.5 years, and this is where I am..alone. He promised a divorce..only to end up going back. I knew the stigma..and I'm still here. Its been months...and I'm still not over it. I cry all the time. I'm so hurt. I still love him, but I don't want to. I can't make myself stop. He doesn't deserve it. So why can't I stop? I just want this to be over. I never loved anyone like this. I went all in. I feel so unappreciated. So pathetic. So sorry. I know that I am better than this. But I can't make it stop. We still speak. But he's never said what I need. I need closure, I don't know exactly how. Something. I've gotten 'I'm sorry...' but that's good enough. Not after what I've been through and what I've dealt with. He's so cold. He broke my heart. He changed my life And if he's not man enough to give my the closure I need, am I going to be like this forever? How can I move on and let someone else in? I trusted him. I believed in him. In us. And look at where I'm at. He crushed me. If closure is not an option, and it doesn't appear that it is, what do I do? It hurts. I'm tired of hurting.
Praying4Peace Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Hi there...I'm so so so sorry you are hurting so bad. About closure- what could he possibly say that would make you feel better? Nothing. If he's sweet and tells you he cares- your natural response should be 'nice way of showing it!" an if he says he doesn't care anymore, that's a whole different ball of hurt. Were you two together for the 3.5 years? Were he and his wife physically living in separate places for 3.5 years? Did she know of your existence? If I have any advice, please stop talking to him as soon as possible. Don't let him make his lame apologies. If he doesnt' want you, then give him his wish so you can heal. Block his number or don't pick up the phone. It's the only way. ((HUGS)) to you.
Lillyfree Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I was the OW. I didn't know he was married. I found out later. They had separated and had separate addresses. Fast forward 3.5 years, and this is where I am..alone. He promised a divorce..only to end up going back. I knew the stigma..and I'm still here. Its been months...and I'm still not over it. I cry all the time. I'm so hurt. I still love him, but I don't want to. I can't make myself stop. He doesn't deserve it. So why can't I stop? I just want this to be over. I never loved anyone like this. I went all in. I feel so unappreciated. So pathetic. So sorry. I know that I am better than this. But I can't make it stop. We still speak. But he's never said what I need. I need closure, I don't know exactly how. Something. I've gotten 'I'm sorry...' but that's good enough. Not after what I've been through and what I've dealt with. He's so cold. He broke my heart. He changed my life And if he's not man enough to give my the closure I need, am I going to be like this forever? How can I move on and let someone else in? I trusted him. I believed in him. In us. And look at where I'm at. He crushed me. If closure is not an option, and it doesn't appear that it is, what do I do? It hurts. I'm tired of hurting. closure is what you give yourself - no one else can give it to you. i agree with replies you got so far. NC and IC. why do you still speak to him? he is with his wife, you've got nothing to look for there anymore. he cannot give you what you need, which is to distance yourself, process what's happened and heal. and the only way to do that is to cut him out of your life completely. 1
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