Lay Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I'm asking this to the dumpee.. did NC ever put the ball in your court? and how long of NC did this take? and to the dumper.. did you ever want your ex back after they were gone for good?
thefooloftheyear Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 its a success story for me as it allowed me to move on with my life and not give a shyt about someone who doesnt give a shyt about me... Sorry, I know its not the answer you wanted, but I just wanted to share that... TFY 3
cavalier99 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 (edited) its a success story for me as it allowed me to move on with my life and not give a shyt about someone who doesnt give a shyt about me... Sorry, I know its not the answer you wanted, but I just wanted to share that... TFY Same here. It took almost 7 months hard core NC to get over my 8 year RS. Now im 100 percent over it and dating someone else. To me this is sucess! Not revisiting the past or hoping she will come back. That chapter is over as well as the suffering. There is no ball any more to be put in my court and if she did id just find it humorous. Cav, Edited May 8, 2013 by cavalier99 3
robaday Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Totally did, every single time - there is one thing and only one thing to remember when it comes to NC - you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Every single ex of mine has come around at some point and got in touch. The first one from years back I got back together with. This last one I told to go and fxxxk herself. Both cases because of NC and being in a place where when and if they do get in touch, I couldnt care less. The alternative is contact lets look at that quickly: Asking for them back - fail - its trying to manipulate them into something that they dont want Arguing with them - fail - they want to get away from you Lashing out/telling them what you think of them - fail - you lose your self respect Keeping in touch at all keeps you from moving on, keeps the thought of them coming back in your head. This is counter-intuitive, but the key to this I found from my last breakup is - the sooner you accept they are gone for good, convince yourself, face up to it, they are gone, over the hills/mountains, banging someone else etc etc......the sooner you move on and the chances of them getting in touch crop up. 10
youngnlove89 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Totally did, every single time - there is one thing and only one thing to remember when it comes to NC - you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Every single ex of mine has come around at some point and got in touch. The first one from years back I got back together with. This last one I told to go and fxxxk herself. Both cases because of NC and being in a place where when and if they do get in touch, I couldnt care less. The alternative is contact lets look at that quickly: Asking for them back - fail - its trying to manipulate them into something that they dont want Arguing with them - fail - they want to get away from you Lashing out/telling them what you think of them - fail - you lose your self respect Keeping in touch at all keeps you from moving on, keeps the thought of them coming back in your head. This is counter-intuitive, but the key to this I found from my last breakup is - the sooner you accept they are gone for good, convince yourself, face up to it, they are gone, over the hills/mountains, banging someone else etc etc......the sooner you move on and the chances of them getting in touch crop up. Copy Paste Print REPEAT
Skipper888 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 im going NC but n so id my ex i told her not to contact me unless she changes her mind. I doubt she will, she was angry and mad at me and definitely over out relationship which makes me sad knowing shes over me.
ConfusedT Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Going to have to be honest with ya, NC worked to heal myself, but it definitely didnt bring him back, in fact, I think it did the total opposite and made him turn into a ravishin single whore-bag, i digress. It is not meant for them, it is for you... And as a dumper before, yes NC has made me regret not talking to him, like oh, that could have been good or whatever, but it did not make me want him back or talk to him again... NC is the greatest thing alive and im on day 1 and its almost done and ive ignored 4 of his texts! yay!! 3
ConfusedT Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 i want her to text or call so i can ignore her! Yea but will you really ignore them is the question? I am READY for it to be over, even though its killing me, are you??
Skipper888 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 i am over it .. i literally just felt a big relief in her not being in my life i seem so much happier i just want her to feel miserable and needy 1
ConfusedT Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 that is a good thing- the gift of missing you, but sometimes, its not even really a gift, because they could care less. I've been there HOPING and Ive been there NOT CARING, but i have heard of success stories, hell some of my best girlfriends have success stories about NC or LC, one got back with her ex after 2 months (still together) and one got back with her ex after a year or so (still together). In the end, time will heal and you WILL end up with who you are supposed to end up with if you allow yourself to let go...
Skipper888 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 good point you make. This afternoon i feel happy and glad its over. My ex and i tried ( well i mainly tried ) to start the relationship again after 3 months but i wasnt ready to trust her and she wasnt ready to commit to me again. She left me because she was confused as she had feelings for her work make and i guess he was the easy option ( we were in LDR). She came back to me twice but mainly through texting everyday, n she saw me once. But she was busy with her friends camping/partying and i couldnt trust her. I feel like i should have tried to trust her a little more but really couldnt. Day 1 of full NC! woo go me 2
Author Lay Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 i haven't made contact in two weeks and i don't plan to until i am over him. though the break up was two weeks ago, i am still going through an emotional roller coaster. one second i'm sad, then it turns into anger. so much anger that it is keeping me from contacting him. i'm trying to stay positive but i am just so sad:/ how much time will it take to get over this sadness?! i'm so sick of it, it really needs to go the heck away! i know i have to help myself, but can anyone help me with tips? ~much appreciation Lay
McDonald Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 NC will always work. If you think about it, how could NC fail? -- unless you are using it in ways that NC is not meant to be used... liked directly using it to get her back. because that's not what it is meant to be use for. Its for you to help get over your ex. No contact= out of sight and out of mind. with you having no way to contact her... then eventually, you will give up trying to get her back etc. I am on month 4 of NC I believe, 5 month post brake up and i finally am just about over it. Takes some time... and sure i didnt want to be over it at first, I wanted to keep chasing her, I wanted to use NC to win her back. But eventually it grows very old, and you realize that all this time spent trying to win someone who no longer wants you can be used for finding the next one. 1
CopingGal Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 (edited) No. My ex is a bastard and a compulsive liar. When it comes to dumping him, I'm only sorry I wasted 3 years believing his lies and that I didn't dump him much sooner. I went NC because I had no choice. For some reason, my ex who cheated on me felt compelled to keep calling me and rubbing the woman he cheated on me with in my face. I found out from our former couple's therapist that he was a sociopath with traits of narcissistic personality disorder. After he caused me unspeakable pain and then called me up on a holiday and acted as if nothing bad had ever happened between us, I began to understand how sick he was. I read a lot of books and did a lot of exercises, but the thing that helped the most was NC. NC wasn't a luxury. NC was a necessity. Edited May 9, 2013 by CopingGal 2
robaday Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 One thing I am interested in though is while I do believe in NC, I also think its really really important to face it head on - i.e. purposely grieve the end of the relationship (thats linked to acceptance). When I lost a sibling a few years back, I spent long long period denying it, or bargaining or pretending it had never happened and never grieving it until maybe a year later.........ya know that was one of my biggest mistakes, I wasnt prepared to let go and grieve. I really do believe that while you need NC, you also need to confront this head on and spend some time grieving, crying and dealing with it. If you dont, and bury it, or go out partying or have loads of casual sex whatever this stuff creeps up on you down the line. May be way off though here. Sometimes Id prefer the harsh truth from dumpers - Im seeing someone, or your a loser, it means its completely over for good and I can grieve 3
McDonald Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Believe me.... there was a lot of facing it head on before I went NC and Im sure it was the same for the majority. Say what you want to her.. beg... have her say what she wants... then go NC. NC has no time limit, it has no starting date and no expiration. its all on the individual. Sometimes NC isnt the right thing to do at the beginning, sometimes it is. Each situation is different. Taking it head on, at times I guess can be okay.. but then eventually you would go NC.
Author Lay Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 18 days into NC i feel a lot better. i have accepted it (i was clearly in denial then) and i am now working on myself (working out, focusing on studies, getting out more, and looking on the brighter side of things:) ). of course there are going to be sad days, it definitely feels like someone passed away, but i mean.. it's not like they actually died thanks to g-d. i actually get excited thinking about all the other guys out there. i know my worth, and honestly i feel amazing just for showing how much respect i have for myself by doing NC! hell yeah! haha and i think anyone else who is doing NC should too. my biopsy is tomorrow and i could care less if he contacts me or not! PROGRESS!
GI_Joy Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 a month later and I've met someone new. He blows my ex out of the water. This new guy is the most selfless and admirable guy i've met. He treats me infinitely better than my ex ever will. But I'm taking it slow. I don't want to risk the heartbreak yet and I'm going to let this guy work for my trust. No one gets in that easily. Not once when I was with him did I ever even think about my ex. And if I did, it was only to note all the deficiencies the ex had that this new guy is fulfilling. Deficiencies that I didn't even know existed.
happydate Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 NC plus compassion and forgiveness and some emotional release work will always work. I found that while NC works that made me move on and never looked back, I always found that I kept going from one frying pan into another again and again. I seemed to get stuck into some sort of karmic loop of some sort until I found out that I must also do some internal work of my own. What causes me to be stuck with the same kinds of women is because of what's inside of me and that the women I meet simply reflect upon me as a mirror of my own self. It's funny that once I start working on myself, the women I meet are heck of a lot better than the last and that I am being upgraded to meet less domineering, controlling but loving and highly confident and high self-esteem women which happens to reflect myself. So I look myself in terms of breakups as a gift and my progress in my own personal growth of how I am that I am right now. 1
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