Kylie1 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 My bf and dated for 3 months. Everything was great at the beginning. He was distant the last 2 weeks. When I asked him if things were ok between us he kept saying they were. The last time I asked him he called me and broke up with me on the phone. He said he doesn't have time to deal with all this drama and he was tired mentally and physically. I saw him 2 days after a break up. Asked him if we can try to fix Our relationship. He said we dont see each other that much and it doesnt feel right and maybe we can get together in a few weeks to see how things will go. I texted him today saying that I miss him he hasn't responded to me. I don't know if there is any possibility we get back to each other or I'm just getting my hopes up:( what do you think I should do? I'm miserable right now!
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Another woman is in the picture, you'll have to wait until he comes back to you after that doesn't work out. 2
lamaga Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Kylie1, please don't text him anymore. I know you are hurting right now, but it is important that you give him the space he needs. I don't know how old you guys are, but when guys break up the way your boyfriend did with you, they usually make a rational decision, and it's impossible to make them think otherwise. So, since he already suggested, maybe in a few weeks things will look different. But you 'only' dated for three months, so I am sure you will be fine in a little while. It's hard now, but if you leave him be, and don't text him, he might miss you too and realize he made a mistake. But don't count on that. Important is that you now leave him be and don't run after him, don't beg, don't show affection. If he wanted to hear that you miss him, he wouldn't have broken up with you. He probably is either not sure about the two of you, or has some personal stuff going on (often a problem... guys... HOW OLD IS HE? That might be helpful) You are going to be ok! Even without him. 2
Author Kylie1 Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 He is 38 and I'm 30. He live about 45 min away from each other. He says not seeing each other and having arguments on the weekends was too much and he is stressed out with work. I do know he is busy. He was so into, telling me how smart etc I was, introduced me to all of friends etc. I doubt there is someone else in the picture. I know it's only 3 months but you know once you fall... :/
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 He is 38 and I'm 30. He live about 45 min away from each other. He says not seeing each other and having arguments on the weekends was too much and he is stressed out with work. I do know he is busy. He was so into, telling me how smart etc I was, introduced me to all of friends etc. I doubt there is someone else in the picture. I know it's only 3 months but you know once you fall... :/ Those are excuses to get out of the "relationship" or whatever it is, guys don't often just leave without any other option, it's just not common. His behavior mimic's the behavior perfectly to a man who's seeing someone else...trust me, that wouldn't be the real excuse, if it's something else he's surely not telling you the truth, I'm very confident in that assessment. But the important thing is you have to move on, give yourself time and space...I think this guy will string you along as well at best, they always come back to do that...they'll try to see if it works...you'll see. 3
lamaga Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 He is 38 and I'm 30. He live about 45 min away from each other. He says not seeing each other and having arguments on the weekends was too much and he is stressed out with work. I do know he is busy. He was so into, telling me how smart etc I was, introduced me to all of friends etc. I doubt there is someone else in the picture. I know it's only 3 months but you know once you fall... :/ I don't know if another woman is in the picture as the other poster here says, but it's an option. Lots of guys just have commitment issues. Did you have a feeling it was going to quick? Was he in a long relationship before? 1
Author Kylie1 Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 He was in long term relationships. We both have stressful jobs and he said my complains about my job etc makes him more stressed out. He says our work schedules are different etc. when I said I can move to the city where he lives he said he doesn't want me to change my life for him. He said he doesn't want me to hate him or anything and said the next two weeks he will be busy and going out of town so maybe we can meet after that. When he broke up on the phone he told me it just doesn't work out and it wasn't worth his time trying this hard to be in a relationship. He was really stressed out and tired when he called me bec of work though. I'm just disappointed and hurt. I go back and look at our messages I kept sending me hearts etc and asking how my day was until the day he broke up with me. I'mconfused.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 He was in long term relationships. We both have stressful jobs and he said my complains about my job etc makes him more stressed out. He says our work schedules are different etc. when I said I can move to the city where he lives he said he doesn't want me to change my life for him. He said he doesn't want me to hate him or anything and said the next two weeks he will be busy and going out of town so maybe we can meet after that. When he broke up on the phone he told me it just doesn't work out and it wasn't worth his time trying this hard to be in a relationship. He was really stressed out and tired when he called me bec of work though. I'm just disappointed and hurt. I go back and look at our messages I kept sending me hearts etc and asking how my day was until the day he broke up with me. I'mconfused. Don't be confused, if he wanted to continue the relationship he would have made the sacrifices necessary to be with you....remind yourself that these are not the choices he is willing to make, right now he is showing where you stand. All that's going to happen now is he's likely to go back and forth, then say this or that because he knows what to say to get an emotional reaction out of you. Men learn the women they are with and if you're the sensitive type you are even more easily to manipulate. Right now anything this guy is going to do is for selfish reasons, not for the relationship as a whole, he's not going to be making these decisions just for you....he'd only come back because he has no way of dealing with the situation he is in or the way he is feeling, so he needs to use you as a crutch, and you also use him in the same way but you're hoping for things to progressive towards a relationship where you are living together or at least being together until then...which this man is obviously not willing to invest into. He's going to keep telling you he misses you and all of that crap, he'll keep poking at your emotions and telling you he feels this way and that and you'll be all like "awww he really loves me/cares about me" but don't forget, that's just part of the game, he's going to still detach from you and do what needs to do, it's not worth your time and investment, it's not going to progress where you want it to, he'll just keep dangling this carrot on a stick. This is a typical typical situation, and he's hitting every mark perfectly in his behavior...the only person that can save you though is yourself, I hope you are strong enough to walk away, or you'll simply be a victim to him and yourself (your emotions)...which is sad, because you should be strong enough to pull away to sacrifice this relationship for something and someone who will truly make you happy and feel invested instead of just one foot in the door always, just because they need/want you sometimes, when it's convenient for them.
lamaga Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Seems as if he has a lot of issues with himself. He sounds very unbalanced and not able to manage his time sufficiently... I think you are perhaps better off without him, regardless what the true reason was for the break up? And as I said before, don't contact him anymore! NO CONTACT RULE. Do some nice things for yourself and remind you of how great you are SINGLE. It's hard, I know. But even I managed, and the guy who left me was the love of my life.
Author Kylie1 Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Thank you for the respond! He just texted me saying he is sorry, he does miss me but he is trying to sort somethings out. I don't know what this means but I won't text him anything.
mortensorchid Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Whatever the excuses are, they are excuses as to why he doesn't want to be with you. My last bf told me "Every woman I've ever been with has broken it off with me because of my bad behavior, and that's not going to happen anymore." I thought that was a really loser thing of him to say. Because that's exactly what he is, a loser. Barely 4 months later he got a new girlfriend. He was with me for 6 months and he never said "I love you". He knew her for 6 weeks and he moved in with her. She has since banned him from talking to me or any other woman friend (with the exception of his mother and/or sister, but I wouldn't hold my breath), and has probably driven a wedge between him and other guy friends as well. Talk about p**** whipped, and he comes across as such a tough guy. Don't sweat it with this dude. He's a loser too based on what he said to you. ANd I'm guessing that this is not the first mistake he's made and it won't be the last. He did you a favor. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Thank you for the respond! He just texted me saying he is sorry, he does miss me but he is trying to sort somethings out. I don't know what this means but I won't text him anything. Just ignore the texts, don't read into it. Your emotions are going to want you to feel there is some kind of hope and promise because of the things he is saying. But words are cheap and if you ignore his words he will come on even stronger with his "actions" and may even become very upset and try to reverse the situation on you like this is your fault. But don't fall for any of this trickery, just ignore his texts and gain some clarity, give yourself time to think and feel this out, you're going to miss him and be curious of what he says, but all that's going to do is be exactly what he needs in order to manipulate you and get you back on the hook (not that you're off of it right now completely), do your best not to give in, your emotions is what give men the power, and many men will abuse that power you give them to get what they want, when they need it, without giving you what you want or need. Be strong for yourself, not weak for him and his agenda, don't allow yourself to be used and toyed around, as much as it may feel like what you want in the moment, it's not what you need in the big picture. 1
ChessPieceFace Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Another woman is in the picture, you'll have to wait until he comes back to you after that doesn't work out. Yeah, PROBABLY. But it's arrogant to state that as a certainty.
Author Kylie1 Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 You all have a valid point. He did tell me he loved me and cared for me. I just don't know what to think anymore. We did argued a lot over small things and he said this is exactly why he broke up wit his ex bec all they do was fighting.
ja123 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 This guy didn't even have the decency to break up with you in person. He did it over the phone!
Waz Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Like the others said, definitely other woman. You said he was in long term relationships, so maybe the woman is an ex-girlfriend. You were in relationship with him for 3 months. 3 months aren't enough at all so someone could spot any problems that stress him and hasn't the willpower to cope with them. If it was an actual issue, he probably would break up with you within the first month. So, in my opinion, the cause is a) another woman (ex or new) b) a 3 months fling Try to not take it too seriously. You said you already fallen so the best thing you could do now is just ignoring his texts, because the only thing his texts can do right now, is to confuse you and send you mixed signals. Take your time, clear your mind, spend some time with yourself, it's not a long time you have been in a relationship, so i assume you still remember how it is to be single. A tip: Don't take seriously the words. Look only for the facts, the actions. And don't believe without any doubt anything he says, for example about the long term relationships. Basically, this also applies for anyone you don't know so well. Good luck.
Author Kylie1 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 He texted me last night he misses me and then he emailed me today saying he is stressed out with work and I made him stressed out a few times and it got into his head. He also said he hopes I'm not talking to other guys. He was busy with work and stressed bec of work... Then I go online seeing him and his friends having fun at bars... I texted him this morning he is busy for me but not for going out. He said not really and then he deletes me on Instagram after liking my pictures last night! I think he didn't like I teased him about going out after a break up! He hasn't deleted me on facebook... I don't know what this is all about. He sounds like he misses then he is acting so weird. I wonder if there is a change this will work out!
anna121 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Block all access to him: FB, twitter, texts. He's being a real jerk. Don't be a doormat. Force him out of your life.
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