Star Gazer Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 This is a spin off from this thread and more specifically the commentary stemming from this post wherein the guy refers to "crazy Match bitches." When a guy refers to women in this way, is it a red flag to you? Why? It seems that women are particularly sensitive to men referring to women or their ex-GFs as "crazy" or "bitches" or "psychotic," but I don't seem the same sensitivity from men when women refer to men or their ex-BFs as "douchebags" or "pricks" or the like. Is it a red flag either way?
StanMusial Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I would not use those terms with a complete stranger, especially a female that I might want to go on a date with. He's setting the bar pretty low for future behavior. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I've seen both sexes use those terms "openly", women usually refer to men with derogatory names that have hurt them...men usually refer to women with these names that they don't respect. Excessive use of these words by either sex to me shows a lack of respect, self-control and someone who is likely to blame the other person for their mistakes/behavior instead of take responsibility for their own decisions/actions. I don't mind people who say how they feel or what they mean in person, I do it myself...as long as they retain some class/self-control when doing so (online I'm a bit more crude and direct but In person I'm very respectful). I've seen some women getting all intense/excitable and start rambling about so and so guy without a filter whatsoever, while swinging around a half-full glass of wine without any regard for how they may look in that moment...it came off trashy and in the back of mind I'm thinking :: this bitch is crazy ::...and then she's like "I'm sorry...I hope I didn't overreact there...I'm really a sweet girl, I hope I didn't scare you".... : I No, of course not! :: loads tranquilizer darts under the table :: 5
Divasu Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I guess it depends on how it is said and within what context... It can be perceived as a 'red flag' because it may indicate the person is still affected by the outcome of the 'crazy bitch psycho' in a negative way. Or, it can mean that the person who said it, lacks respect towards the opposite sex in general. And keep in mind that **most** people, don't go 'nuts' for no reason. Unless it is substance-induced or brought on by a psychotic disorder of some sort.
Cutiepie1976 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 (edited) People always tell us who they are despite their facade, if we're willing to pay attention. It's on us if we choose to ignore it. You haven't even met him yet and he's lying and using disrespectful language already. Edited May 8, 2013 by Cutiepie1976
Drseussgrrl Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Yes. Every guy I've dated who said his mom was "crazy" ended up being verbally abusive toward me at some point. Always trust your gut. If a man starts talking badly about his mother, RUN. Even if he's not at fault, she's f*cked him up beyond your ability to repair it. Every woman from then on will be some sordid life force he views as an enemy whether he realizes it or not. A man's relationship with his mother reveals so much. And if she was a good woman, she has taught him to never use the words "bitch" or "psycho" or "crazy" when talking about women. It's common decency and respect that he will carry on to your relationship. I dated a man whose mom was legitimately a pill popping addict and he would NEVER have said those things about her. And he was a wonderful boyfriend. Guess she did something right.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Yes. Every guy I've dated who said his mom was "crazy" ended up being verbally abusive toward me at some point. Always trust your gut. If a man starts talking badly about his mother, RUN. Even if he's not at fault, she's f*cked him up beyond your ability to repair it. Every woman from then on will be some sordid life force he views as an enemy whether he realizes it or not. A man's relationship with his mother reveals so much. And if she was a good woman, she has taught him to never use the words "bitch" or "psycho" or "crazy" when talking about women. It's common decency and respect that he will carry on to your relationship. I dated a man whose mom was legitimately a pill popping addict and he would NEVER have said those things about her. And he was a wonderful boyfriend. Guess she did something right. While I think talking so poorly about your mother is reprehensible and a huge read flag, I'm not talking about talking about your parents, but ex-GFs or women in general.
Drseussgrrl Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 While I think talking so poorly about your mother is reprehensible and a huge read flag, I'm not talking about talking about your parents, but ex-GFs or women in general. I understand, but realize that just as we women form our relationships with men as we do our fathers (abusive, neglectful, absent) so do men. Every bit as much. That primary relationship with the opposite sex in your life reveals tons. I've spent the last two years in therapy working out why I'm attracted to unavailable men, and it's because my father left when I was 2, and my stepfather subsequently shut me out. I always feel I have to "earn" love. I guarantee you this guy is either weirdly close to his mother or would describe her as being "crazy". Mark my words. 1
Woggle Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 What if their ex really is crazy? I am not lying when I say my ex really is nuts. There is no other way to put it. I agree with some of these comments but it applies the other way around. Nearly every misandrist I have known has a negative relationship with her father.
Woggle Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Also I didn't choose for my mother to be the way she is and I am trying very hard to undo the scars she inflicted on me. I wish it wasn't that way.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 What if their ex really is crazy? I am not lying when I say my ex really is nuts. There is no other way to put it. I agree with some of these comments but it applies the other way around. Nearly every misandrist I have known has a negative relationship with her father. There are ways you can explain crazy behavior or mental state without using the word "crazy." For example, I would describe a situation and how he/she handled it, and let the listener draw the "crazy" conclusion on their own. Same thing goes for "bitch" and "arsehole" or any other derogatory word.
tricolors Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 It's definitely not something I'd say to a complete stranger. If you build up a humorous rapport with someone where you know it would be welcomed, fine. But I'd say he was out of line saying that to you right off the bat. 1
tuxedo cat Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 What if their ex really is crazy? I am not lying when I say my ex really is nuts. There is no other way to put it. I agree with some of these comments but it applies the other way around. Nearly every misandrist I have known has a negative relationship with her father. Your ex may have been legitimately crazy but I'll bet you were a bit crazy too if you were willing to put up with her. If you simply say, "my ex was crazy" that's usually only accounting for half the truth. 3
Drseussgrrl Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 What if their ex really is crazy? I am not lying when I say my ex really is nuts. There is no other way to put it. I agree with some of these comments but it applies the other way around. Nearly every misandrist I have known has a negative relationship with her father. It's no coincidence, Woggle, that your mother was "crazy" and you were therefore attracted to your ex who was "nuts". It filled a need in you at the time and you're just reinforcing my point. 2
tuxedo cat Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Yes. Every guy I've dated who said his mom was "crazy" ended up being verbally abusive toward me at some point. Always trust your gut. If a man starts talking badly about his mother, RUN. Even if he's not at fault, she's f*cked him up beyond your ability to repair it. Every woman from then on will be some sordid life force he views as an enemy whether he realizes it or not. A man's relationship with his mother reveals so much. And if she was a good woman, she has taught him to never use the words "bitch" or "psycho" or "crazy" when talking about women. It's common decency and respect that he will carry on to your relationship. I dated a man whose mom was legitimately a pill popping addict and he would NEVER have said those things about her. And he was a wonderful boyfriend. Guess she did something right. The guy I recently dated said his mother was crazy. He also said his father was a dick. I didn't think anything of it at the time but maybe I should have. 1
Woggle Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 It's no coincidence, Woggle, that your mother was "crazy" and you were therefore attracted to your ex who was "nuts". It filled a need in you at the time and you're just reinforcing my point. Is true but it doesn't change the fact that they really are lunatics. Why is it so wrong to point out the truth? My ex thinks I am using mind control techniques to make her go and commit crimes. Does that sounds like the thoughts of sane person? Also would you be okay if men applied the same standard to women and how they talked about men? There are no double standards here are there?
StanMusial Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 The guy I recently dated said his mother was crazy. He also said his father was a dick. I didn't think anything of it at the time but maybe I should have. He is probably a crazy dick. People that go around griping about others are usually asshats themselves. Are your ears burning? Imagine what he is saying about you right now.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Perhaps I'm not as socially wise as other people are, but if someone refers to their ex as "crazy" I always take that to mean that they are talking specifically about that person, not about everyone who happens to have the same downstairs equipment. 1
charlietheginger Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 3 duis , hates her mom and sister ,.drinks 6 /8 beers or Untill she passes out.... My exwife is crazy. CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY.... OH AND DID I MENTION MY EX WIFE IS CRAZY ! 1
Drseussgrrl Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 3 duis , hates her mom and sister ,.drinks 6 /8 beers or Untill she passes out.... My exwife is crazy. CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY.... OH AND DID I MENTION MY EX WIFE IS CRAZY ! Your first indication should have been that she hates her mom and sister. People who have such volatile relationships with their families will nearly almost always translate into their primary romantic relationships, unless they are getting help. My brother was arrested for domestic violence against his wife and her child. And that is a direct correlation with how the other men in our family have acted towards their wives and children. Luckily he recognizes this and is getting intensive therapy for it now, which my father and grandfather would have scoffed at.
Drseussgrrl Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Is true but it doesn't change the fact that they really are lunatics. Why is it so wrong to point out the truth? My ex thinks I am using mind control techniques to make her go and commit crimes. Does that sounds like the thoughts of sane person? Also would you be okay if men applied the same standard to women and how they talked about men? There are no double standards here are there? No double standards. Women have plenty of "daddy" issues as well.
Divasu Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 3 duis , hates her mom and sister ,.drinks 6 /8 beers or Untill she passes out.... My exwife is crazy. CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY.... OH AND DID I MENTION MY EX WIFE IS CRAZY ! Yes, she sounds off. How did you handle your affairs with women, immediately following... Were you mistrustful towards them? Did you go out and sleep with numerous women back-to-back (like an anger bang rage). SG started this thread to determine whether or not negative remarks towards ex's unprompted is considered a 'red flag'. So, behavior towards the opposite sex following the demise of a very unhealthy situation, is key.
Poppy fields Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 I have exes who could legitimately refer to me as ''that crazy bitch." For the things I put them through. I don't think they view all women that way, but they probably view me that way. So, if I hear a guy say this, I wait to hear his story because he could have been traumatized as I have traumatized others.
charlietheginger Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Yes, she sounds off. How did you handle your affairs with women, immediately following... Were you mistrustful towards them? Did you go out and sleep with numerous women back-to-back (like an anger bang rage). SG started this thread to determine whether or not negative remarks towards ex's unprompted is considered a 'red flag'. So, behavior towards the opposite sex following the demise of a very unhealthy situation, is key. After 10.yrs married to a monster i went celibate 2 yrs became an asexual Then finally gave my current girl a chance. It was touch and go literally had to prove she was not A threat ... I told her straight up im happy alone and will be happy To be alone again.... We seem to get along pretty well.....
apple OR orange Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 this point is totally moot if you ask me... no matter what a guy says about ANY women will be taken as "a reason to not see him anymore" unless said point is something the current woman in question fully agrees with.
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