simplybrill Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 I have a little prob: I met this 'nice guy' recently. But I think its all an act. Why? Well because things Ive seen him do, he was all over this girl's legs one day in class at my Uni (I thought they were dating or something), and a few days later she was almost smackin the hell out of him..why...I dont know- but girls dont just do that for no reason. I asked him if he was dating that girl in our class, and he said no...but I didnt mention him being all over her, I know, I should have called him on it. I think he puts on the nice guy act to try to make me go for him...and Im NOT falling for it. He's getting all soft spoken and nice around me, its wierd...because I know what he's doing and he's not fooling me at all. And he think's he's gonna get me! HAH. WHAT is he playing at and HOW do I get this creepy guy to stay away from me, in a nice way???
Moose Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 You to him: "I'm sure you're a nice guy, really, but I can see right through you, and I just want to let you know that I'm not interested and there isn't anything you can do to make me interested. Have a nice life."
Merin Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 Well personally if he is that creepy and you really want him to leave you alone, then why be nice about it? Oh wait.... how about this.... "Hey creepy looser, you make my skin crawl, there isn't any possible way I would ever date you. So get lost, PLEASE." See how adding on the please... is just a polite way of saying no thanks? Seriously if you don't want him to talk to you anymore and you don't want to straight up tell him to get lost, then just bore him to death..... don't converse with him..... when he says something to you behave totally boring and uninterested. IF that doesn't work..... DO what the other girl did, and whip his A@@
Author simplybrill Posted September 24, 2004 Author Posted September 24, 2004 Thanks moose and merin but- ok some options that would work in the real world please. I have to bump into this guy at least 2 times a week because we're in the same class. I cant just tell him to F-off because I dont want the repercussions of that in my face twice a week. Its like workplace etiquette, how would you tell someone you work with that you're not interested, if you have to work with them on a regular basis...
YellowLioness Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 Smile at him, and just tell him that you don't want to date right now. Don't make him feel like you're rejecting him, just dating in general. If he tells you you don't have to date him, and gives you a suggestive leer, then just tell him that you have to date someone in order to be physically intimate with them. This may or may not be true for you, I'm just offering suggestions. Or, you can tell him you're seeing someone long distance, and you don't like to cheat. I don't know, all of these feel like excuses. If it were me, I woudln't beat around the bush. I'd just be like, "Hey, I'm really not interested in dating you." and leave it at that.
re3rocks Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 im a guy i would just tell him to stay away from me u are creepy. i understand creepy people. they are creepy because they are scared and confused. if u tell him that u are seein some1 else when u arent and he finds out hell get confused. if u tell him ur interested in some1 else, ul be stuck with actin like u like that person wich sux. and, if u say something vague and general, and leave him confused he will be moooore interested. so i say u have to leave him with enough info to know, that u dont like him. sauy sumthin so he is 100% sure to leave u alone, or hell be more interested and piss u off. if u feel hes harasig u tell a teacher. if he keeps doin it kick his ass. if u cant do that, get a guy friend who can kick hiss ass.
faux Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 Originally posted by simplybrill WHAT is he playing at and HOW do I get this creepy guy to stay away from me, in a nice way??? Who knows what he is trying to get at? People can be quite strange. As far as trying to get him away from you, I would not recommend sparing his feelings, or putting your words in a "nice way" to him. As a man, I have many times in my past needed to be told very bluntly how women have felt. In situations during which the woman tried to spare my feelings, I got the "wrong idea", and ended up driving her insane. The women then viewed everything as my fault, and I simply wished they had told me how they actually felt! If you give this guy ANY impression that he may still have a chance, he might hound you until you decide to call the cops on him. Do him, and yourself a favor, and tell him how it really is. Maybe he has not had enough experiences in having his "feelings spared" to know what REALLY is going on. I recommend being very blunt, and brutal if necessary, about your true intentions.
re3rocks Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 nuff said. tell it straight. 2 guys views here now
moimeme Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 I think that if you're stuck seeing him all the time, it will be much easier to just brush him off. Be abrupt with him. Don't engage in long conversations. Give him brief answers and then vamoose. If he eventually asks you out, just say 'no thanks' and be done with it. If he persists, then maybe it's time to tell him you're not going to ever be interested but I don't think anybody needs to smack anybody over the head with the hard truth right off the bat.
tokyo Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 Why "nice way"? Unless you pity him that you´re not in love with him and want to spare him to negative feelings, tell him what´s going on and that´s it. I never feel qualms for the jerks, for the nice guys yes, they make me feel a bit guilty that I don´t like them, but the rest? Turn him down, that´s it.
moimeme Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 Well, 'jerks' happen to be human, too, and people who feel it is within their rights to abuse 'jerks' end up turning the 'jerks' into hostile jerks who then become even worse. So if you don't want to get caught in a blaze of bullets someday, it's best to be politely cool and leave it at that.
tokyo Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 Well, 'jerks' happen to be human, too, and people who feel it is within their rights to abuse 'jerks' end up turning the 'jerks' into hostile jerks who then become even worse. Excuse me, moimeme, I never said we should treat jerks in a hostile or mean manner. I just don´t feel very guilty when a guy with a girlfriend walks up to me and tries to make a move and I tell him: "Sorry, I´m not interested." I don´t have problems telling someone to get lost if he doesn´t keep his hands to himself. Of course, I could excuse them - they are insecure, they might think women like that or it´s part of flirting, it´s hard to be the man and have to make the first moves, but honestly they just give me shivers and creeps. I don´t see any reason to treat guys very nicely who obviously do not respect me, be it through lying, cheating or touching or whatever those jerks come up. I will put it much nicer if it´s a friend for whose feelings I care. I think re3rocks put it quite right. --Moimeme, I am not nice, but I´m not going to humiliate people, if this was your assumption. Looks like you are implying that I treat people like this if you felt compelled to comment on my calling some people "jerks". I forgive you
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 From the little bit I've gathered from your post, there really isn't much reason to start panicking yet. So your female radar has alerted you to the fact that this guy may be a bit creepy…not someone you'd be interested in romantically. Good for you! You're listening to your intuitions and good common sense. Remain friendly and polite but don't respond to any of his flirting by acting as if you're "flattered." Also, don't encourage him by flirting back. Sometimes, being too friendly and passive can mislead a social numpty into presuming you might be interested. You can effectively deflect a guys advances by quickly changing the topic to something more neutral. Like the weather. They hate that. OR…you can simply excuse yourself by telling him politely that you need to be somewhere else and can't talk right now. If he is a bit novice at reading your signals, and does find the courage to make the play, then kindly thank him for the compliment and explain that you're not really interested right now. If he's persistent and wants to know "why," then be only as direct as you feel is necessary. This DOES sometimes happen. People will be insulted no matter how kind you try to be. Remember---it’s a blow to anyone's self esteem to feel rejected. Give him that. However…If after ALL of that…he still jumps you in class and starts humping your leg, then by all means feel free slap the sh*t out of him like the other girl did. Some people just don't take well to "hints" and literally need the message pounded directly into their heads. Good luck!
Nosmas Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 Do I look like a creep to you???? It would help to define "creep" if you would please to explain the following: he was all over this girl's legs one day in class. How, exactly, did this little picture look? While it certainly doesn't sound pretty, or even sanitary, I'd rather not pass judgement without a clear idea. At any rate, let's just say I'll interpret this scene in the least "creepy" way I can....hummm...still, I cannot imagine why you would want to do anything nice with a guy you consider creepy, including telling him you're definitely NOT AVAILABLE for ANYTHING. Generally speaking, creeps do not respond to subtleties (not the I'd know from experience.......uh......I just have some friends that are creeps?)
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 Do I look like a creep to you???? Trick question. Right? Generally speaking, creeps do not respond to subtleties (not the I'd know from experience.......uh......I just have some friends that are creeps?) As is evident by your avatar! Already looks like some less-than-subtle female has clubbed you like a baby seal.
Author simplybrill Posted October 15, 2004 Author Posted October 15, 2004 hahaha...yes you look creepy. The strange thing is, this guy actually looks ok...but just not my type at all. I think he's one of those time waster people....you know, the ones that hang around ya all the time, and act like you've got nothing better to do than hang out with them? Its wierd...its like he wants to know what my plans are...ALL the damn time now...I've told him (so he'd go away): 1. I dont want a boyfriend 2. I dont trust guys 3. No, I dont hang out with guys on the weekends 4.to go find something to do he doesnt get it...and a friend of mine is gonna just outright tell him that I have a boyfriend, so he'll go away haha, I guess she feels bad, she introduced the stalker to me. I had an appointment...and I told him to go find something to do,,,and he waited outside the building until my appointment was over...CREEPY I have other things going on in my life, I dont need a freakin stalker...jeez. He didnt track me down today, I think with my friend telling him I have a bf and me not answering his calls, he'll finally get the picture.
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