SweetLikeCinnamon Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 (edited) I'll try and make this as short as I can as there are a lot of little details. If you want to know anything else just ask! Basically there'a a guy who I met in February who I like a lot. At the start we mainly spoke online, getting to know each other and that sort of thing. But when we saw each other at clubs we didn't speak to each other, as I think we were both too nervous. Then the next month he invited me to his birthday party. 2 days later I post an event on Facebook and he decided to come by himself on his birthday, despite not knowing anyone else there, though the whole thing was quite awkward (I did get a kiss on the cheek). We speak online over the next week then see each other at this late night bar everyone I know goes to on the weekend. We have a good chat this time, he hugs me a few times. He then asks me if I'll be out the next weekend and then I tell him my plans and he sort of invites himself along. The thing is I don't really hear from him over the next week and end up cancelling as I was ill but he said he couldn't come anyway cause of work (he has unpredictable shifts and works most evenings). Over the next few weeks we talk a few times, though not as much as before, and mostly initiated by me. But he always seems happy to hear from me, using playful names/smiley faces/kisses at the end of convos, and we have spoken til as late as 6am. He has also said he likes speaking to me. I also have a tracker on my tumblr and have see that he has visited my blog. Last weekend we end up in the same bar again and this times he comes over to say 'Hi' twice. He also hugged me a couple of times and we chatted a bit. We ended up in a circle of a few people and I noticed that, even when I was talking to other people, he would be staring at me intensely the whole time. When I would look at him he wouldn't look away, sometimes he would just smile and I would smile back. When he leaves he says bye to me first and hugs me really tightly for a really long time and says he'll see me soon. Then I ask if he'll be out next weekend and he say he will and he kept saying he'll message me on Facebook. Then once he's said bye to all his friends he says bye to me again and then repeats that he'll speak to me on Facebook. Well nearly a week goes by and I don't get any message from him, so I message him on Thursday asking if he has plans for the weekend. He replied with something like: 'Hello you. As luck would have it I don't! And you? x'. The next day I tell him my plan about going to a club with some others and he replies saying that he's really broke but considering it. But then later in the night says he can't come as he checked he bank balance and didn't have much money. He still thanks me for the invite, wishes me a good night and puts kisses at the end of the text. I do know that he has money problems and I've seen that he hasn't been out all weekend and has cancelled his plans for next weekend, so I believe his excuse. But just don't see why he would say that he's considering it? The next evening I post a new tumblr post on Facebook and see that he clicks on it a few times. The next day (yesterday) he likes a post of mine on Facebook and comments twice (I know this doesn't sound like too much, but we have 14 mutual friends and he never likes/comments on their stuff, he doesn't seem like much of a Facebook person). And that's really it. Some extra notes: -One of the nights when we were at the bar my drunk friend asked him if he likes me and he told her that he does. -He is very shy and not very confident (especially when it comes to girls he likes apparently) though he's ridiculously good looking. -Last weekend someone we both now saw me talking to him and asked if I was interested in him. I told him yes but also that I wasn't sure if he was interested in me. He responded by telling my how shy the guy is and that I need to get him out of his shell. He also said that when he likes someone he takes a while in getting to know them first. -Oh yeah, A LOT of people are interested in me. Some of his friends and even his housemate have asked me out/tried to get with me (though I've declined them). Don't know if this would be a problem. So I guess my questions are: Do you think he likes me? If so why is he being on and off? If he is shy then should I be the one taking the initiative? Or would that put him off? (guys like the chase etc). Also, isn't me asking him to come out last weekend forward enough? What else can I do to move this forward? Thanks. Edited May 8, 2013 by SweetLikeCinnamon
ThaWholigan Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Sounds like how I used to be . If such is the case, then you may have to be the initiator to a degree - if it sounds like more hassle than it's worth then it probably isn't a good idea for you to proceed. However, if you really like him, then I would encourage you to be creative in the ways that you try to open him up - not just subtle hints but occasionally be a little direct with him, a frank remark referencing attraction can perk him up a little (or it should do). I'm not sure what you should do, but that's my suggestion - as someone who did lack confidence and was shy once upon a time (I still get like that occasionally - but sshhhh, it's a secret ).
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 That's a good tip actually, thanks! Anyone else?
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Any more input would be appreciated.
serial muse Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Sounds like he is interested, but the stuff you like to do on the weekends (clubs) isn't something he can afford to do right now. He probably said he's considering it because he was, but just decided he couldn't swing it, in the end. It also sounds like he's not going to suggest plans - that could become frustrating if he never does, but if it's just a matter of initial shyness and you're willing to make the first, bolder move, why not do it? For example. What if, the next time you chat about weekend plans, you suggest something inexpensive to do, and invite him along to that? Like, "it's going to be a beautiful weekend, thought I'd go for a bike ride. want to come?" (or replace with activity of your choice). I can't really answer to the "guys want to chase" idea...I think it's sometimes true, but depends on the guy. In the case of this guy, well, if that's the problem you'll know soon enough, but honestly, he can't have it both ways. Somebody has to step up. I think you should go for it, it sounds like he's receptive.
zebracolors Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 It could certainly be mutual after all, and at least your guy is giving you possible signs, and as TW says, try being a little bold like next time you're with him, take his hand to hold, that may tell you a lot. He knows you have options right? But you've got to let him know you prefer him. If such is the case, then you may have to be the initiator to a degree - if it sounds like more hassle than it's worth then it probably isn't a good idea for you to proceed. However, if you really like him, then I would encourage you to be creative in the ways that you try to open him up - not just subtle hints but occasionally be a little direct with him, a frank remark referencing attraction can perk him up a little (or it should do). . I agree with TW and would just add that there is nothing wrong with a girl being the pursuer, and initiating most meet ups, after all if he is shy, he's not suddenly going to get an instinct for the "chase" so you may be waiting a while:) But its one thing to be curious about someone, and interested but I think you should also really ask yourself what do you want with him, and why you feel the way you do about him. I do understand about how difficult it can be to read a guy's actions sometimes. Usually the guys who are confident will make their interest clear as day. Im kind of in a similar boat. There is a shy guy I met last November, and we shared numbers, but we really didn't start to hang out together regularly much until March. So I'm still trying to figure out the how and whys of what i feel for him, such as why I'm falling for him, not just because I enjoy his company, and even though we have only been hanging out once a week in most cases. So Im not sure how close I can reasonably say I am to him. Although other reasons Ive realized would have to be its own thread.
Feelin Frisky Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 He may have a lot of self doubt and feel embarrassed that he doesn't have disposable income to initiate with confidence. If that doesn't bother you and you want to elevate the relationship, the only way to impress that upon him is to let him know through some affectionate action that he's accepted by you. Get him alone (in person, not over some text or w/e) and take his hand and put it on your heart and tell him if he has feelings for you he is welcome--(he's passed you filter). If he is still not forward, gently pull that hand around your waste and lean in. Only someone with autism or Aspergers will miss the cue that it's time to kiss. He may change entirely after the question marks that might be overwhelming him about you are lifted from his mind. Don't think you'd be the first woman to have to lead a man. It's way more common than TV pseudo-culture would have us believe. 3
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Thanks for the input everyone. I guess I'm just going to have to put myself out there. I could be waiting forever other wise and I'll at the very least find out where I stand. Now to think of inexpensive ways that we could hang out . .
hppr Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 What else can I do to move this forward? Make an effort to get to know him. Guys like that are just slow movers is all, usually because they are not only shy but they got burned in the past. So I guess it depends on whether or not you are the patient type. 1
hppr Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 He may have a lot of self doubt and feel embarrassed that he doesn't have disposable income to initiate with confidence. If that doesn't bother you and you want to elevate the relationship, the only way to impress that upon him is to let him know through some affectionate action that he's accepted by you. Get him alone (in person, not over some text or w/e) and take his hand and put it on your heart and tell him if he has feelings for you he is welcome--(he's passed you filter). If he is still not forward, gently pull that hand around your waste and lean in. Only someone with autism or Aspergers will miss the cue that it's time to kiss. He may change entirely after the question marks that might be overwhelming him about you are lifted from his mind. Don't think you'd be the first woman to have to lead a man. It's way more common than TV pseudo-culture would have us believe. Yeah there are other ways too, like get him talking, tell him that he's smart/his stories-jokes are funny and entertaining, hold his hand, look in his eyes, etc. Just like there are men who know how to push women's buttons there are women out there who get this stuff too and those are the ones who have that 'mysterious' sex appeal, game, whatever. 1
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 So you are not going to initiate with him? I am, I think. I just need to think of a way to see him.
Ed the 3rd Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Just send him a message asking him about his feelings and reassure him he has nothing to be shy nervous about. Judging from what I read he is just afraid of making a move.
serial muse Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 So you are not going to initiate with him? Heh. Judging from this plus your other negative posts I'm guessing you have a tendency to misread a lot. Might want to think about what else you're misreading. Just saying. Perhaps the world is a better place than you want it to be. Topic: OP, good for you! Got anything in mind? 1
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 Ed - I will do something like that. I just rather do it in real life. Muse - I have a few ideas but I'm not really sure about any of them :/ I'm open to suggestions!
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