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I cant believe hes done it again

sybo24

By sybo24
in The Other Man / Woman

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sybo24 Member

sybo24

Posted
Posted

I was dumped today.........

 

over the phone.........

 

I cant belive he has done it again.

 

In november he left his wife for four weeks but went back a week before christmas as he missed his kids so much and they wouldtn have anything to do with him. They are 18 and 22.

 

I joined here in January and it helped me with NC and reading other peoples posts showed me that I was not alone or stupid for falling in love with a married man.

 

I got to 23 days of NC when he turned up at my door, saying he had know straight away he had made a mistake going back and could live without me in his life.

 

I took things slowly with him, but on my birthday the end of february his wife throw him out. She rang me to wish me happy birthday and told me I was welcome to him.

 

We still took things slowly. He moved into a flat and spent some time with me. I needed to trust him. Stupid I know that you can never trust a married man having an affair, but I have only just realised that.

 

He apologised to my children for his behaviour with me and promised them he would do everything he could to make it up to them and me. We have had a great 2 months together. My children got on so well with him and welcomed him into our lives as they saw how happy he made me.

 

he told me he is going back home. He cant bare to be without his children and they refuse to have anything to do with him while he is with me.

 

He has ripped my life apart again. I keep asking myself why I let him do this to me again. Its because I love him so much.

 

This is it now though I can not take any more and have to make sure that I stick with NC and never let him into my life again.

 

I am so sad and cant stop crying.

 

His last words to me were 'I LOVE YOU' how cruel .......I dont think he knows the meaning of the word.

 

I will keep reading the posts on here and know that I am not the only feeling this way and hopefully I will one day be able to smile again.

 

xx

lilmisscantbewrong Established Member

lilmisscantbewrong

Posted
Posted

Oh my - I am so sorry. Your heart has been played with hugely. You need to ignore him completely - he doesn't know what he wants. This makes me so mad that he would do this to you, your children, his children, and his wife.

 

You must stay strong and ignore this guy from here on out. He has shown he cannot be trusted with your heart.

 

Hugs

  • Like 1
DelusionalOne Established Member

DelusionalOne

Posted
Posted

I am so sorry you are hurting. :(

 

What else could you think when he left his wife and moved into his own flat. If you hadn't given him a chance you would have spent the rest of your life wondering.

 

This is not about you.... it's about Him. You gave it your best and he has shown you that he is not worthy of being in your life or your children's lives.

 

You are not stupid. It is never a mistake to love another person. What they do with that love defines who THEY are, not who you are.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

  • Like 1
Praying4Peace Established Member

Praying4Peace

Posted
Posted

I'm so so sorry this happened to you. You trusted him at his word but he doesn't know what he wants and never trust him again. He's not worth it. It's not like he couldn't have foreseen any of his feelings but he only thought of himself.

 

People like him live in their own kind of confused, wishy washy, never-enough, (hopefully) guilt-ridden HELL.

 

Is there someone you can talk to? Have you been to a counselor? This can't be easy. I felt a pit in my stomach just reading your post. Please please find someone to talk to and post here as well.

  • Like 1
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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Right from the get-go, he did not leave by his own decision. His wife chose to kick him out and hand him to you, so it's like him coming to you by default. He didn't choose you first.

 

Sorry that you're hurting.

 

I hope you can work through the pain and move on. Do counseling if you can, it'll help you cope with this in a healthier way.

  • Like 3
HonestNeurotic Established Member

HonestNeurotic

Posted
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So sorry. Love shouldn't be painful. Don't let him keep you in pain. Love YOU.

  • Like 2
spice4life Established Member

spice4life

Posted
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Hold your head up and walk away sweetie...it's simply not worth the trouble or pain it causes.

  • Like 2
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
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he told me he is going back home. He cant bare to be without his children and they refuse to have anything to do with him while he is with me.

 

Here's a big reason to make you stay in NC mode. Do not try to compete with his kids..Not saying you will, but their little broken hearts should make you see just how broken he is, going back and forth. It sucks he hurt your kids as well, but his own kids have to come first.

 

I also hope you find that anger and use that to make you WANT to get over him and not desire him anymore.

  • Like 3
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sybo24 Member

sybo24

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you so much to you all for your kind words, today is a new day and I will keep going.

 

I knew that I would never win over his children and I didnt want to.

 

His children should be his number one priority as mine are to me and that is why I wont allow him to hurt any of us again.

 

I think my problem is that I have had a very amicable divorce from my ex and we still work together. We have been separeted 6 years now and he is re marrying. We have always worked together to put our children first and made sure they always knew how much we loved them and they were not the reason for our divorce.

 

My ex MM wife told the children everything about me and I understand why they want nothing to do with me or him while he is with me.

 

I believe you should tell children the truth about the separation but not all the details involved that will cause them more hurt.

 

I have learnt from this and will move forward to a happy future. xx

  • Like 1
spice4life Established Member

spice4life

Posted
Posted
Thank you so much to you all for your kind words, today is a new day and I will keep going.

 

I knew that I would never win over his children and I didnt want to.

 

His children should be his number one priority as mine are to me and that is why I wont allow him to hurt any of us again.

 

I think my problem is that I have had a very amicable divorce from my ex and we still work together. We have been separeted 6 years now and he is re marrying. We have always worked together to put our children first and made sure they always knew how much we loved them and they were not the reason for our divorce.

 

My ex MM wife told the children everything about me and I understand why they want nothing to do with me or him while he is with me.

 

I believe you should tell children the truth about the separation but not all the details involved that will cause them more hurt.

 

I have learnt from this and will move forward to a happy future. xx

 

Good for you! Stay strong and you and your exH sound like awesome people! If your xMM can't stand up for himself and put her in her place then that is his problem. You don't need someone who is going to drag you down because they don't have any guts.

 

You go girl! :)

  • Like 1
lilmisscantbewrong Established Member

lilmisscantbewrong

Posted
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Infants and little kids accept divorce due to infidelity with little difficulty. However kids in the 18-22 age range will not accept that because they are old enough to understand.

 

 

 

That is why I don't get the excuse of: "Lets wait till the kids are out of high school or finish college". In reality that is the worst age for kids regarding the divorce of the parents.

 

This is true. My parents divorced when I was in my 30s - it should he happened long before that. Actually when my dad told my sister he was filing she said "it's about time". But I had probably the hardest time with it because I was out of the house when things got really bad - my siblings weren't. My parents both used me as their "sounding board" so I vacillated between being mad at my mom and then mad at my dad. Even when dad remarried my mom still was upset. I wasted years being upset with him because he was finally done and finally made the decision, but I was still upset. Things are much better now some 15 plus years later, but my mom still refuses to have much to do with him and believe me when I say they were both at fault.

 

Anyway when I was in IC and we were discussing it with my therapist said that there were studies that adult children have a much hard time dealing with divorce than young children, partly because younger children are more adaptable probably. I watch my sister who is divorced and although it was ugly early on, she and her ex parent their children extremely well together and seem very well adjusted to their circumstances. And, yes, infidelity was a part of all of it.

 

Waiting until the kids are older, if divorce is inevitable, is not always the right thing to do - especially if you are living inauthentically.

  • Like 2
spice4life Established Member

spice4life

Posted
Posted
Infants and little kids accept divorce due to infidelity with little difficulty. However kids in the 18-22 age range will not accept that because they are old enough to understand.

 

 

 

That is why I don't get the excuse of: "Lets wait till the kids are out of high school or finish college". In reality that is the worst age for kids regarding the divorce of the parents.

 

I can see why you think infants and little kids are not impacted because logically it make sense, but it is far from true. The first four years the parents are setting the foundation for the rest of the child's life. If there is a traumatic break during that time it has a huge impact and it manifests itself in their adult relationships. The FOO issues you alway mention are most likely due to a trauma tht occurred during th first four years of the person's life.

 

Divorce has an impact no matter age the children are and the older they are they can process it with therapy.

  • Like 2
lilmisscantbewrong Established Member

lilmisscantbewrong

Posted
Posted

Yes it has impact no matter what, I think it's just in how they are able to process and how secure they are made to feel.

 

It's sad no matter what.

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